Lessons from a Broken Friendship

A few years ago, in the dead of night, I got a message from a friend. She was in a bad place, pouring out her heart about the chaos consuming her life — troubles with her boyfriend, the impending loss of a family member, and feeling like everything was falling apart.

I was torn. On one hand, I could relate to her struggles, and I missed her. But on the other, things between us were... complicated. In the months before, I had been going through my own hell, and I had kind of dropped off the radar, leaving her hanging.

And truth be told, I felt like she had done the same to me.

My initial reaction was one of doubt. I couldn't help but wonder if she had some ulterior motive, like maybe she was trying to worm her way back into my life just to hurt me again. The events leading up to that moment had left me pretty messed up, and trust wasn't exactly my strong suit. It never has been. Looking back now, years later, I can't shake this feeling of regret for not being there for her when she needed me.

Here are a few things I've realized from reflecting on that experience:

Sometimes, it's hard to get over yourself.

At first, I was skeptical. We had been close for a couple of years, except for when things got really rough. And now, when she was laying it all out there, I couldn't help but feel like I was waiting for the other shoe to drop.

But genuine empathy is crucial, especially when someone's hurting. I may have been miles away, but a little support could have gone a long way. Instead, I let my doubts get the best of me and probably burned a bridge that was already pretty shaky.

Building trust starts with U — it doesn't form by itself.

My friend took a big step reaching out that night, but I didn't give her the credit that she deserved. She poured her heart out, even apologized for how things had gone down between us before. And how did I respond? With a half-hearted message that didn't mean much.

Our friendship used to mean the world to me, but in the moment, I was too caught up in my own hurt and anger to see that. If I wanted to rebuild trust, I had to be willing to let go of the past and be vulnerable. It's something I'm still working on.

We act based on feelings, not logic.

I don't have to tell you how much I regret not being there for her. Navigating friendships during tough times is tricky. But it hit me — maybe she had just as hard a time supporting me as I did supporting her.

Part of me couldn't help but hold it against her, even though I didn't mean to. Doubt can mess with your head, making you question everthing, even when there's no reason to. But that's life, right?

I forgive you, but more importantly, I forgive me.

I'm learning to forgive myself for dropping the ball. I could have been a better friend, but beating myself up about it won't change anything. It's about self-compassion, something I struggle with. But I'm getting there. Reflecting on this mess has taught me a lot about empathy, forgiveness, and cutting myself some slack.

In the end, if there's one thing to take away from this, it's that friendships are worth fighting for. We all screw up sometimes, but that doesn't mean we can't make things right.

So, to my old friend, if you ever stumble upon this, know that I'm sorry and that I miss you. The door's always open if you want to reach out.