Lauryn Hill

With tears in my eyes, I sat watching Ms. Lauryn Hill’s MTV unplugged (recorded in 2001), finally feeling that I could accept myself as not only an artist but a unique black woman. Her words resonated with me so much that I felt as if she was sitting in a room talking to only me. Her raspy voice over her acoustic guitar and her words filled with so much emotion…it was exactly what I needed. I had spent the morning crying over a project I was trying to complete, feeling that it wasn’t good enough. Here she was, on my television screen, telling me that I was a voice, an important voice, and me showing up and being real about who I am is more important than just putting out art. I didn’t need to fill any shoes, I didn’t need to be like anyone else, I just needed to be who I am. That’s when the light bulb went off for me, understanding that truly being who you are is what is most important in this world because there will never be another you.

A few days ago, I was sitting and talking with my therapist, telling her that I have struggled my entire life with staying focused and being considered a bad person or lazy for it. That’s one thing in my life that is constant. She pointed out to me that I may have adult ADD after listening to me rant about my childhood and my college years and my heart sank as she said that because my initial thought was, “What if this is what has been going on the entire time and I finally have an answer and can figure out how to get through all of this? What if the whole time I’ve been thinking I’m crazy…and that’s okay?” Lauryn, sitting in the middle of a room, smiling and looking over a crowd of people and saying aloud, “We’re all a little crazy and deranged. You know if people think that you’re crazy, they leave you alone.” And it made me realize that there is nothing wrong with being considered crazy and deranged, so much so that when I started opening my mouth when people would try to belittle me when I was younger…they left me alone. Her words were true, and I didn’t feel alone for the very first time in my life.

My entire life, I’ve felt that I was different, but we’re all different and Ms. Lauryn Hill helped me realize that in just one hour and 48 minutes. I wish I had watched this back in 2002 when I was just a 12-year-old girl being bullied for being different, being bullied for looking the way that I did, getting in trouble for talking too much and having issues with my parents. I wish I had seen this then but at 31, this was the perfect time. It was the answer. It was perfect timing.

I used to spend days listening to the “Miseducation of Lauryn Hill”, just falling in love with her sweet melodies and addictive hooks. It wasn’t until I was older that I started to appreciate her words. After finding out a few days ago that she is the first female hip hop artist to have an album go diamond, her only album, I felt in my soul that Lauryn Hill is the epitome of quality over quantity and there is no problem with wanting love to be such a huge part of what you’re doing that you are careful about what you put out into the world.

I also have been writing music since I was a young girl but I’ve always felt like saying something meaningful was super important so I never wanted to just put out art just to say that I was putting it out, I want it to mean something and I want it to move people. I’ve struggled with just honestly saying what I’ve needed to say and not feeling like it was good enough. Even writing this, I had the thought but then I also thought to myself, “These are your thoughts, put them out there. It’s truly how you feel.” This is why her music means so much to me.

I remember getting in a car accident back in 2015 and not being able to find my “Miseducation of Lauryn Hill” cd (my aux connection was no longer working) and I was literally crying about it. How could I have such an emotional connection to something that I could simply just buy again? I had no idea, but I can tell you that I did not feel silly about it either. I later found it underneath my seat and immediately put it inside of my Macbook and downloaded it to my iTunes. I know that sounds crazy because you can just go to YouTube or Spotify and listen to the album, but there is something about having a physical copy that is nostalgic and brings me so much comfort.

That moment made me think about myself and the type of music I should be putting out for not only myself but my peers. People need to feel seen, they need to feel heard and also embraced and that is exactly how I feel when I listen to her work. I also feel like she is well deserving of a diamond album. Being true to who you are can take you much further than trying to be a fake someone else. She also said that during her unplugged performance. It seems so simple to say but it is so impactful because we spend so much time trying to be loved, trying to be liked and trying to be someone. What would happen if we just accepted who we were wholeheartedly without trying to change ourselves because other people may not agree with us or our decisions? How beautiful would that be?

I don’t even think I would be able to be an artist without an artist like Lauryn Hill. I wouldn’t feel comfortable being vunerable. I would not feel comfortable standing on a stage pouring my heart out to a crowd of people who feel the same way that I do. I don’t think that I would be strong enough. Learning that everything that we go through in this life is important and you can create timeless pieces to express that has been the inspiration that I have needed my entire life. I have always loved creating, but always felt the need for it to be perfect, but I realize that art doesn’t have to be perfect to touch someone, it just has to be real and this is why I appreciate Ms. Lauryn Hill.

Her art isn’t just about rhyming words and making it sound pretty, it’s about the world, systematic racism, politics, choices, decisions, mistakes, overcoming obstacles, looking at yourself in the mirror and healing yourself, being honest, being a real person and being inspired. There is so much to touch on and her writing is so brilliant, it’s almost unfair. But that is the part that is so inspiring, just write exactly how you feel, get it down on paper, get it out, especially since it matters to you. You never know who else will hear it and who it will help. She has helped change my way of thinking just by being true to who she is and I hope to inspire people the same way. I do not want to hide behind a wall of insecurities I want to shine. I want to show people that it is okay to be unapologetically who you are. I’ve learned to keep your chest out, head up, eyes wide and mouth opened. All you have to do is speak, write and be free.