Kindred Spirits

There are countless incredible women in my life that I have found it quite difficult to pinpoint one individual that has inspired me more than others. I find all women amazing in their own right and I’m grateful to be surrounded by many in my life that inspire me and motivate me on the daily. In the spirit of honouring Women’s History Month I’m going to share a story that is near and dear to my heart and that happened fairly recently.

In 2019 my husband left me, which really turned my world upside down. We hadn’t been married for that long and his decision to leave was unexpected to say the least. In an attempt to heal and maybe have my own Eat, Pray, Love experience, I packed a suitcase and flew off to England, the land of my birth. It was refreshing to have a change of scenery and healing for my soul to be around family. It was also a great opportunity for me to scope out some universities that I could possibly attend.

I enjoyed being known as “Bethany”, and not “the girl getting divorced”. It was also nice not being asked every few seconds where my husband was. It was like a complete reset.

Within the first month of being back in the UK there was a panel on religious freedom in Pembroke college, Oxford. It was only for a select group of people, and thanks to some connections, I was invited along.

After the panel there was a dinner held for those who attended, we all piled onto a coach and made a short trip across town to a dining hall similar to that of which you see in Hogwarts; (not the actual great hall you see in the Harry Potter films which is in Christchurch, Oxford).

Similar to a wedding I was given a preassigned seat and sat around people I did not know. With the three people closest to me we engaged in polite dinner conversation, as you do with unfamiliar people. The conversation was quickly derailed with a simple question by the man sitting next to me.

“How is divorce viewed in the Christian faith?” Once those words slipped from his lips, I also felt my heart fall from my chest and land in my cheesecake. At this point I was very uncomfortable with the topic and didn’t talk to many about what I was currently battling, and was almost certain my unstable emotions would cause me to burst into very impolite dinner conversation tears.

Nevertheless, to my surprise the beautiful woman across from me piped up and replied with something along the lines of, “well I’m divorced, what do you want to know?”

My mind started swirling. I was thinking that she couldn’t be much older than me. I was 23 at the time and because I was so young and already divorced, I felt alone and like no one understood what it was like for me.

Once she spoke up I then had a sudden five second burst of courage and said, “I am also going through a divorce.” Once I mentioned that we locked eyes and became instant friends.

Who ever said making friends as an adult wasn’t easy?

After a brief conversation about divorce we “went to the bathroom” - as women do - and she asked what was going on in my life. We exchanged some stories here and there and for the first time in forever I felt like I could breathe deeply.

We exchanged numbers and set up a sleepover for the following week. Over the next few months of living back in England we spent loads of time together. She was only a couple years older than me and we realized our marriage and divorce timeline was almost identical.

This woman probably has no idea how much her friendship and example has since meant to me. She validated every foreign feeling and we crafted a connection I know will last forever. She lifted me up in the worst time of my life and when I was feeling most alone, she appeared.

I look up to her in so many ways, she was two years ahead of me on the divorce timeline and to see what she had done with her life gave me so much hope. She was in a beautiful country, studying, travelling Europe and being her unapologetic true self. Throughout the soul crushing pain of divorce she found herself and discovered her worth, which is more than rubies. I know that it can still be difficult but despite this, she walked through her hardships with grace.

She gives me hope for my future, and inspires me to be myself and celebrate myself as a woman. She helps me see that I need to always know and embrace my worth and never let anyone take my knowledge of that away. Because of her I learned the power that we as women have to heal and uplift one another. All my experiences and tidbits I learn on my path of life I can use to do what she did for me, for someone else.