January 28, 2021

Dear Diary,

Soo I totally spent the whole night with bestie!! I know im stupid as fuck. I probably shouldn’t have been over there like that, but he is definitely my best friend. Our relationship is like that slim thug song Special on his Suga Daddy Slim album. We rarely argue and when we do, we are back at it. It’s been a while since we did the month long I’m mad at you thing. We can sit and laugh and talk all night and that is exactly what we did. I went to “The Spot” and chilled all night with bestie. We drank, got tipsy, watched crazy Kevin Samuels (We both love that guy) and talked about our qualities. He was soo sweet to me and he’s never given me soo many compliments. So, I haven’t given a full run down on who Bestie really is. Bestie and I met on the old-school call-in chat line when we were about 19 or 20. It first started as booty buddies. We were still out there having our fun clubbing and cutting up. He would sneak in my window at night and we would chill and ya know…… FUCK!! I would say after a year or so I told him that I loved him and cared for him. You know what that dickhead told me? I don’t want to do that right now with you. So, me being the G my momma raised me to be went on about my business and did my own thing. I got into different relationships, but he would always call to check in on me. Or when the relationship was ending, here pops up Bestie. Time went on and well I started to want a real relationship and marriage. I kept telling him that and he would just laugh it off because he’s used to me being well, THAT BITCH!! Little did he know, I was calming down. I wasn’t in the streets and partying anymore. He would call me on a Friday or Saturday night, and I would be in my PJs watching TV. He would start to facetime me and started to see I might be kind of serious. That’s when He started to pass out the cash and really if I wanted or needed anything then he would give it to me. I didn’t ask him for anything. He was definitely my last resort for money. I really think he started to like me to a point where he wanted to make sure I was ok. At this point, I didn’t think he really cared for me and he was giving me money to keep the pussy around (He loves my head, and this pussy is undefeated right now LAMO). I started to tell him that money can’t keep me around because I wanted to be in a real relationship. He then gave me rules!! I could have a friend I could go out with, but I couldn’t get emotionally attached to any man out here. I was like ummm BOY PLEASE!! Still, he didn’t express to me that he wanted to be in a serious relationship with me. He gave me a door and I opened that bitch. I would tell him about dates I was going on and he would get soo upset that he would tell me to shut the fuck up or hang up in my face. But he wouldn’t express how he felt about me. I just counted it as he was mad, he couldn’t get any pussy that night. At this point I was soo confused. He called me one time while I was on a date and I told him that I would be home soon. You know that boy came over and was all in my shit about going out with a guy? I was like well you told me I could hang out with men. NOPE!! He recanted that real quick. Now, it was I CAN’T BE OUT ENTERTAING ANY MEN AT ALL!!!! I was soo confused at this point because still, he has no clue what he wants to do with a woman he’s known his whole adult life, that he fucks on a regular and takes care of. I felt like a sugar baby and I kept telling him I want a real relationship. By this time, we were both single. I broke up with my drug addict ass boyfriend and well about a year later he caught his common law wife at the hotel with another man. Aint that some shit!!! 5 years later to now…. He says I love you and he don’t want anybody else to have me. I don’t know if that’s his way of trying to start something without saying it, but it sounds like it. We were going to get something eat one night and I told him I was going to go find me a husband and have some kids and he could have banged my head against the damn window. He gets soo mad when I say that type of shit. You should see it. I just be laughin. I know it’s weird, but I love when he gets physical because it’s a soft physical with a little of that gangsta roughness. It makes my panties wet every single time. Now I’m stuck again. I still have O around and he’s really cool. I might go and chill with him tonight. He doesn’t really seem like he wants to have sex with me sometimes, but I don’t know. I think because his son is there, and he’s stressed out he doesn’t really want to be with me like that or he doesn’t really have the urge to. I can’t say. I can walk in the damn room and Bestie’s dick gets hard. It’s fun with him. He knows just how to hit it. Last night though wasn’t a fuck, he was trying to make love to me. No, HE DID MAKE LOVE TO ME. He took his time and I love when he moans. He sounds soo fucking sexy it makes me extra wet. Anyway, OFF TOPIC… kinda LOL. O is good too but me and Bestie got 20yrs of chemistry and that’s kinda hard to just throw away. Must be hard for him to just get rid of me too because he hit me up first. I don’t know Diary, Im fucking confused again. Imma Holla Atcha.