It's stupid right?

I recently got out of a relationship, it didn't hurt at all. Maybe because I ended it, maybe because for me it was over for a while before I got the courage to end it. Or, maybe it'll hit me like a tonne of bricks in a few weeks and crush me. Maybe I was stupid right?

I had a friend, who I thought was great and only thought of me as a friend, but she is lovely. Amazing in fact. Loves all the things I do, like travelling and sports/fitness. She's a fussy eater, tired all the time and is very closed off talking about her feelings, but lets face it, everyone has to have a downside. To me though even her imperfections are perfect, stupid right?

Shortly, maybe too shortly after my relationship ended, mine and this girls became a lot closer. We kissed, we call each other (Something I've never been comfortable doing with anyone before), she let me hold her hand and stroke her hair (God I sound like I'm 10 years old again, but it felt right) we talk deeply and I think it's obvious that she likes me. I like her. She won't admit that she likes me because she doesn't like to talk about her feelings, you don't facetime someone for 4 hours if there isn't something there though right? Still no confirmation though, I'm being stupid right?

My issue is, aside from COVID stopping us from seeing each other much (not gonna admit to breaking the law on here) she wants to travel. Part of her wanting to travel is going to live with her extended family in America. Meaning 3000 miles away from me in England, I probably couldn't do long distance, that'd be stupid right?

I knew this when we started talking, when I admitted I like her she told me she doesn't want to waste my time if she leaves. I told her I'd rather have a nice few months with her and then her leave than not at least try and see where this could go. I thought I could control my emotions (Stupid right?) and not fall too hard, but I can't. Now I'm quickly falling in love. There's some part of me that hopes she'll love me back and either not leave (Incredibly selfish and not what I really want) or ask me to leave with her, which I can't do, because I couldn't afford it. so either outcome is stupid right?

So now here I am, falling for someone who is definitely going to leave. I like her, she's perfect to me, and I know if she lets us we'll be happy right up until she leaves. Unfortunately then she'll leave, meaning I'll be crushed, so it's stupid right?

This is the first time I've put it into words, I can't tell her this because it's way too soon, so here I am venting to whatever strangers click on this on the internet. Stupid right?

I don't even know if people can reply to this, but if you can, please tell me, I'm being stupid right?

Yours sincerely,

An idiot.