"It's Okay To Try Again"

It's been 40 years since the last time I went on a date. I was a trim, long-legged 19-year-old with long blonde bouncy curls who loved to laugh. His name was Henry and I thought he was the most handsome man I had ever met. Fast forward and two years later I ended up marrying him and having 5 beautiful children. I wish I could say our love had no downfalls but Henry always made it seem like fun. It was supposed to be forever but forever turned up a little too soon for my liking. That nasty Black Lung Cancer from working in the coal mines finally caught up to him. He fought like a champ though and we got to have 8 extra years past what the doctor said he would live.

Now here I am, in the house, we built 35 years ago sitting on the edge of my bed wondering how on earth I let my eldest daughter talk me into going on a date. I shook my head as I looked down trying to figure out what on earth am I supposed to do with Spanx? They don't even look comfortable and frankly, I wonder if my bladder would allow me time to get them down quick enough. Probably best if I don't wear them, sorry mystery man you'll have to take me gut, butt, and all. Should I wear heels? The sheer thought sends shivers down my legs into my ankles. That's a huge NO! I pour myself a glass of merlot, just to calm my nerves a bit. I don't know why I feel giddy like a schoolgirl, yet nervous in a way I haven't felt in so very long.

Oh, I'm sure it will feel a bit odd to have someone else hold my hand or even kiss my cheek, yet 8 years alone is a long time. I have missed the company. I've missed turning to my left and seeing a face so familiar so warm sitting next to me. Quite frankly Henry and I grew up together. Many of our firsts were had side by side. The first time we bought a real bed no more futons or sofa beds for us! We were officially adulting. I smile as I recall those early morning walks to get the "blood flowing", he would say. My Henry was a track star in high school. Those long limbs took him a mighty long way. Now don't get me wrong, I stay active with my golfing girls and brunch afterward. There is also a swim class on Tuesday and a mean bingo game on Fridays. I swear Gladys cheats! Somehow, I'm going to catch her one day.

I think I should leave the top button unbuttoned. I am not trying to be prudish. For heavens sakes they used to call me "Hells Bells Helen" all the stunts I pulled! I open the armoire and put on the diamond earrings Henry bought for our 20th anniversary. I remember telling him to take them back, they were way too expensive. He refused and said if anyone could put up with him for 25 years they deserved diamonds! He was truly one of a kind. I'm not sure if they make him like that anymore. Yes, I have missed you Henry, but, as I finish my last sip of Merlot, it's time to get on with living. We had a wonderful life and now it's time to try again. They say that sixty is the new forty after all. Tell that to my arthritic knees I chuckled.

The Grandfather clock is going off, half-past six. It would appear to be about that time. I pour a second glass of Merlot, apply my favorite lipstick, ravishing pink, and sit down in front of my laptop. I look at the picture on my desk of Henry and me, in the beginning, all those years ago. I think it might be time to put it safely away in the memory box. I take a deep breath, open my page to Zoom and officially invite myself into the land of the living. Henry would be proud.