It's not that you are bad at Relationships

How many times have you heard these standardised parting lines like, "You deserve better", "I wasn't looking for anything serious", "It's not you, it's me" etc?

And most importantly how many times have you seen yourself in a bad light because of these situations? We may not realize it but we are always under the strong influence of the people who are really special to us. Not only that, but we also think that we know them too well. Sudden minute changes in behaviour are instantly noticeable to us and we begin to imagine a hundred scenarios to understand what must have happened. We often ask ourselves " Is it something I did?", "Is he mad at me?", "Is it because of what happened that day?". And when one finally gathers the courage to ask the most unexpected happens.

They're not the one if...

Rejection or judgement often makes us think lowly about ourselves. And if it happens more than once we start questioning if we are even good at this.

Please remember that people are neither good nor bad at relationships, they are just good or bad with EACH OTHER.

So, if they are asking you to change what they don't like about you and you are actually changing it to stop them from leaving you, then they are not the one. Someone who really loves you will correct you but NEVER change you. Because those little flaws and perks of yours are why they fell in love with you in the first place. With the right person, you'll feel like you are in the comfiest and safest place in the whole world.

Asking them to stay

Definitely, letting go is hard, making a sudden change in your life is hard. But trying to keep someone close to you who doesn't really want to be at that place is much harder.

If someone tells you that you deserve better or that they are not good enough for you, BELIEVE THEM. Don't try to change their mind. Because when you do that, trust me, you'll be breaking your heart. That person is trying to tell you that they cannot give you what you need. So, LISTEN to them and walk away. The right person is never going to say that stuff.

We hear everybody saying that love is hard, relationships are hard. But that is not the entire truth. If you think about it, falling in love is not hard, but staying in love and nurturing the relationship is. So quit thinking that you don't deserve love or that you are bad at relationships. You are just not with the right person. And even with the right person, there will be disagreements, there will be misunderstandings, BUT there will be no giving up, no distance, no toxicity, no judgement. Before you ever blame yourself or doubt yourself take a good hard look at how you did love right, you just did not love the right person for you. You did the most you could and maybe even some things that you would never do just to make them stay, but the thing that was destined to drift away will not stay with you no matter how much you hold it back.

Do not pull yourself down, instead, rise in the new belief that this has brought you one step closer to the one you are meant to be with.

This famous quote by Maya Angelou has always dwelt in my heart. Everybody has a second opinion in their heads, whenever we are not sure of something that we’re going to do next, we often ask ourselves, “What would he/she do?”, “If I were in their place how would I feel?”. These things dwell in our mind because we don’t want to hurt others. We don’t want to live with the fact that somewhere someone is hurting because of us. For me, it's this quote. Whenever I feel unsure about doing something I try to remember this and I don’t know if it is just in my head, but things do become a lot clearer after that.

Let’s just do our best. We might not know it but we are a very good judge of ourselves and sometimes even when it is scary we do need to ask ourselves the difficult questions of life, and THAT my friends will really make a difference in how we perceive ourselves.

It’s not that you are bad at relationships, it’s that you’re yet to meet your biggest supporter in life who accepts you the way you are.