"It’s been fifty years since we were married, and I still love her"

Four months ago, I went to Chile, if you don’t know it’s a country in South America. There I met this couple who really inspired me. It was rather unusual, I was sitting on a bench in Parque Araucano park in Santiago (capital of Chile) enjoying the good weather, an old man came and sat at the other side of the bench he seemed tired, after a minute or two he started talking to me, just like what mostly all old people do. Somehow, he already knew that I was a tourist or he guessed and to my surprise he was fluent in English since most of the country speaks Spanish. He talked about the weather, the trees and about the global pandemic.

Taking to him wasn’t that boring since his elderly tone was quite mesmerizing. A few minutes later an old woman joined us, the man introduced me to his wife who looked much younger than him. Out of curiosity I asked them that how long have they been married, he replied “it’s been fifty years” he looked at his wife and said “and I still love her.” Though I was amazed by their long relationship but the thing which was really surprising to me was that the woman who didn’t look much older than forty was in fact above sixty. She smiled at me and stood up and went back on the walking track, I guess she was not interested in talking.

The man noticed that I was a bit surprised and he started to talk about how they met and love in general. It was very appealing to me that how much happy he was talking about his wife, as most men of his age have married more than once at least the ones I know. I asked him that for fifty years they were together, was it they’re in ability to finally end their relation and they were just holding the ropes or were they actually happy, a question I regretted the moment it went out of my mouth, the old man laughed and said that ups and downs did come in their relationship but they both developed the ability to see the white space around a dark spot on a white board. An ability very rare in most people, when someone make a black dot on a white board or a white paper and ask us to describe what’s on the board, we all will say a black dot, we use the same method to describe another person or a thing, we see the dark spot ignoring all the white space around it. Though it may seem strange but sometimes a dark thing catches more attraction than a bright one.

They both developed the ability to value the time they share together above any difficult event that may occur between them. This little talk with the old man made me reconsider the definition of love I had in my mind. We love someone or something as long as they keep us happy and when they bore us, we find something else to love.

When I looked for some of the most famous love stories around the world like Heer and Ranjha from India, Layla and Majnun from the Middle East, Romeo and Juliet from England, they all had something common in them that the relationship of their protagonists were above happiness.

Layla and Majnun a story which is considered to be based on true events, in which Majnun wanders naked in the deserts finding the woman he loves; Layla. When the King of Arab heard about this tale and was informed that this beautiful girl is currently in his city, he invited her to his court. When the guards of the court announced the entry of Layla, everyone looked at the door; the girl walked in and went straight to the King. The King was surprised to see the girl as much as any other person in the entire court room, not because she was very beautiful but because she was one ordinary girl, beautiful but likes of which could be easily found in the city. Surprised the King asked her “are you the girl for which a man is wandering naked in the deserts? Are you really Layla?” the girl replied “yes I am Layla but you are not Majnun.”

Love is not built is on the foundation of desire it is built on personality, something which remain constant unlike the other. And how much willing you are to give away something valuable that belongs to you for the sake of other, this was the real measure of love.

In a relationship we always want the other person to understand us, but how much have we tried to understand him or her, we expect the other person to change themselves according to or needs and wants but have we ever tried to change ourselves according theirs, in a relationship both must try to change themselves according to the other, until they reach a point where they could share the same opinion about most of the things, most importantly those which matter the most.

I am not inclining that you should hold on to the ropes of such relationships which now have loosed the momentum which they once had, as Rumi the famous poet once said, “Be like the tree, let the dead leaves drop” I am asking you to reconsider the definition of love, because the definition you have in your mind determines what you expect from a relationship and sometimes it disappoints you and you believe that love is gone, when it was there all the time.