Is Your Sunshine Toxic?

I met a friend a long time ago; she was very positive. Every time we met, she shone like the sun, and her tone was always so cheerful, as if all troubles were nonexistent for her.

One time, I casually said, 'I've been feeling a little tired lately.

She immediately interrupted me, smiling brightly: 'No, no, how can you have such an idea? Being tired is just a hint you're giving yourself!

I was stunned for a moment and could only smile awkwardly, thinking to myself—now I can't even say I'm burdened?

Every time I saw her from then on, I had to be very careful when speaking. You couldn’t complain, you couldn’t say you were stressed, and you even had to hold back on saying things like, 'I’m not in a good mood today,' because she’d immediately say, 'Change your mindset! Stay positive! Negative emotions will only drag you down!'

Her sunshine was so overwhelming that it was suffocating. Although it was well-intentioned, it made me feel like I was fighting a psychological defense battle, and I ended each meeting more tired than before.

The pressure of not being able to express true emotions is an invisible drain that makes people feel misunderstood and even begin to question their own feelings—am I too negative?

Until one day, I saw a sentence and suddenly understood where that kind of fatigue came from:

'Toxic positivity denies the human experience. It’s okay not to be okay sometimes.' — Susan David

It turns out that real support isn't about pretending that nothing's wrong, but about accepting your emotions, including those times when you're unhappy, frustrated, or tired.

Later, our contact gradually became less and less. It’s not that she’s a bad person, it’s just that I’ve learned to protect my own energy and choose to be with people who can make me truly relax.

Some 'positive energy' appears to be sunshine, but in fact, it’s like a glaring reflector that exhausts people. A truly healthy relationship should allow both parties to express their emotions openly, even when they are not at their best.

How to Identify Relationships That Secretly Drain You:

Do you feel tired or recharged afterward?

After spending time with the other person, ask yourself, 'Am I feeling energized or drained?'

A truly valuable relationship should make you feel comfortable and energized, rather than acting as an invisible drain.

Surface Positive Energy vs. Inner Pressure:

Some people always appear very kind, always smiling, and always happy, but this overly perfect performance can actually make people feel stressed.

If you find yourself unable to openly express negative emotions in the relationship, this is likely a hidden drain.

Do you feel that you are 'not allowed' to have negative emotions?

If every time you try to express tiredness, annoyance, or anxiety, the other person immediately blocks it with 'positive energy' and makes you feel that you shouldn't think that way, then this relationship may be draining you.

Is the interaction balanced?

A truly healthy relationship is one of mutual support and understanding. It can also be draining if you are constantly forced to accept the other person's point of view and cannot express your own.

Thank you for reading!