Is "Family First" Always Right?

How to identify energy-consuming relationships and learn to withdraw at the right time

A friend once shared with me that her mother once told her, "Don't trust anyone other than your family. Family is the only one in this world that won't harm you. Choose family in any situation."

On the surface, this statement sounds protective and emphasizes the importance of family, but from another perspective, this statement is extremely dangerous – it may make people ignore the fact that "family" itself may also be a source of energy consumption.

I don’t know how many people have been dragged down, burdened with unnecessary debt, or even emotionally blackmailed and exhausted because of the influence of their family.

Have you ever thought that friends can become ex-friends and never have anything to do with each other again? You can choose the friends you want to be with, but family is something you cannot choose from the moment you are born, and you cannot just cut off ties with them.

This is also why, when energy-draining relationships come from family members, people often feel more powerless and conflicted.

How to identify energy-consuming relationships?

Whether it’s family or friends, energy-draining relationships often have the following characteristics:

Continuous emotional blackmail

Make you feel strongly guilty, for example, “If you don’t help me, you’re being unfilial,” “You’re not caring about me by doing this.”

Kidnapping in the name of love, for example: "I am doing this for your own good," "Why wouldn't family members care so much?"

Always asking, not giving

Your time, money, and energy are always being wasted, but the other party never considers your feelings.

When you need help, they are either absent or think, "You should handle it yourself."

It makes you feel mentally exhausted and even affects your growth

After spending time with them, you always feel low, drained, and even doubt yourself.

They cannot accept your growth and always discourage or obstruct you when you want to change or pursue a better life.

What if the person who is draining your energy is a family member?

Establish clear boundaries

Setting boundaries is not "unfilial" but a way to protect yourself and bring the relationship back to balance.

For example: money boundaries (don’t lend money easily), time boundaries (don’t be on call all the time), emotional boundaries (don’t accept emotional blackmail).

Learn to say “no” and accept guilt

Sometimes, saying “no” may make the other person unhappy, but that doesn’t mean you are wrong.

Guilt comes from past habits, not your responsibility. Learn to accept this feeling and make yourself freer.

Move out and live independently to increase physical distance

If you currently live with your family, it is best to move out and have your own independent space.

Distance is sometimes the key to freedom, allowing you to truly take control of your life.

An appropriate distance between family members can make the relationship better because there will be more room for interaction between each other instead of constant friction due to daily trivial matters.

Reduce the restrictions of the word "family"

Family members should support each other rather than consume each other unilaterally.

Don’t unconditionally accept any unreasonable treatment just because the other person is “family.”

Take care of yourself first before you can take care of others

You are not your family’s “emotional trash can” or “cash machine.”

When you are living well and are internally stable, you can truly give love instead of being drained of it.

The word "family" should not be a shackle that binds you, but a relationship of mutual support. If a relationship makes you feel suffocated and constantly drained, then no matter who the other person is, you should learn to withdraw in time and protect your own energy field. Because someone who truly loves you would not want you to live in stress and pain all the time.

Thank you for reading!