Intrusive Questions to Stop Asking People

People are curious and nosy, we all know that. But with certain topics it's better to leave yourself out of it and let people handle their own business. Here are a few examples of intrusive questions that you really shouldn't be asking people unless they welcome the conversation.

Relationships

A lot of people have this standardised idea of what a relationship should look like, and find it easy to question people whose situation doesn't fit their expectations. Questions people tend to ask is whether they're getting engaged or married soon, moving in together or other steps people expect from what the "norm" is or what tradition says. Not all couples want to live together. For some it doesn't make sense logistically, practically, financially or they simply don't want to. It's not for everyone, and that doesn't mean something's wrong with their relationship. Different things work for different people.

The same thing goes for getting married, it's not something everyone wants to do, and it's certainly not a requirement for being a "proper" couple or validating your relationship. Figuring out the journey of your romantic life is completely up to each individual and each couple. And let's not forget that not everyone is interested in romance or being in a relationship, and pestering them about whether they're gonna find someone is really unnecessary.

A relationship not conforming to society's "norm" is not an open invitation to questions. Someone's relationship being interabled, interracial, LGBT+, having an age gap or being polyamorous, to mention a few examples, doesn't mean it's okay to ask questions about it.

Having kids

This might be the number one area where asking intrusive questions has been normalised, though luckily we're seeing more awareness being raised around the topic. Common questions are whether people are planning to have children, are pregnant or when they're having their next child. First of all, if the people in question haven't shared this information with you, they probably want to keep it private until they have news, or they simply don't want children and there's nothing to tell you. Asking them is just gonna create awkward situations. If someone's trying to get pregnant, they might not want everyone to know, as there are people who will pester and ask about whether it's happened yet. Wait for them to tell you, don't ask.

The sad side to this is also that not everyone's journey to having children is easy, and asking them questions can be extremely triggering and bring up sad feelings and memories. In general we need to denormalise asking people about having kids, as there are lots who simply don't want any, and repeatedly getting asked about it gets tedious to say the least.

Health and body

If you or anyone you know is disabled, you're probably familiar with the never-ending questions about whether you're actually sick, or people constantly invalidating the condition. As an example, someone with chronic fatigue who's getting disability benefits being told they should be at work if they post a picture of going for a walk. There is a huge lack of representation of disabilities and what life can be like with one, and that doesn't help with people refusing to accept the reality that people are differently abled.

It's important to remember that just because someone's part of a group, they don't represent the group as a whole and you can't use them as an encyclopedia. The Internet exists, you should use that for your questions rather than someone you meet who happen to have a certain disability or condition. This also goes for people whose bodies might not conform with whatever the general society perceives as "normal". If you meet someone who is transgender, it's absolutely not okay to ask them about what genitals they have. If you meet someone who is blind, it's really unnecessary to ask them what they can actually see. Someone in a wheelchair or an amputee doesn't owe you an explanation of what happened to them. Control your curiosity.

Finance and work

I think Millennials and Gen Zs are used to older people commenting about their work situation and their finances, as they often don't match what let's say Boomers had when they were starting out. People constantly have their jobs questioned as to whether they're real jobs or not, or whether the industry is good for them and so on. Of course, there are lots of jobs that exist now that didn't when Boomers were young, but the same thing goes for them and the generation of their parents. Our society is forever evolving, new industries will be created, and with them, new jobs. That doesn't mean the jobs aren't honorable or stable.

There's also a lot of shaming happening around people's financial situations. Not everyone has a savings account with thousands upon thousands. Some people have enormous student loans. Being granted a mortgage isn't a guarantee. For some people, owning their home isn't in the cards in the foreseeable future. But shaming people for treating themselves to small luxuries here and there is wrong. People deserve to live and enjoy their lives, maybe with materialistic indulgences every now and then, without being made to feel like they're not allowed to spend any money on anything other than absolute necessities.

These are topics that can be sensitive and difficult to talk about, as well as private enough that you don't share the story with everyone you meet. It's totally okay to reserve the conversations for your close friends, as you really have no obligation to share everything with nosy acquaintances. If people want to be open about their personal lives, that's fine, but it has to be their initiative. Asking intrusive questions and commenting about someone's situation when you don't even know them is rude, un-called for and awkward. Let people keep their business to themselves, unless they choose to share it with you.

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