Inside Americadia's Deportation Chronicles

Welcome to Americadia: Land of the Free (Unless You’re Not)

Welcome to Americadia, the shining beacon of democracy and freedom, where the stars and stripes fly high—right next to the giant trucks hauling away anyone who dares look “different.” You see, in Americadia, nothing says “land of opportunity” quite like the annual Great Deportation Parade, a festive display of how efficiently a country can politely tell millions of people to take a long walk off a short pier.

Meet Juanita and Miguel: Hardworking, Taxpaying, Deportable

Meet Juanita and Miguel—two hardworking citizens who’ve been part of the Americadian fabric for years. Juanita’s a taco stand queen, spinning her spicy salsa magic on the streets, while Miguel’s the local handyman, fixing everything from leaky faucets to broken dreams. They pay taxes, they follow laws, they even cheer for the Americadia soccer team on weekends. Yet, despite all that, they have the distinct honor of being on “The List.” Yes, that magical, arbitrary roster where people get selected not for what they’ve done, but for where their great-grandparents might have had lunch.

Officer Bob and the Department of Alien Extraction

Cue Officer Bob, a walking, talking emblem of bureaucratic joylessness, whose job is to hunt down these “unfit” citizens with the enthusiasm of a tax auditor at an empty lemonade stand. His favorite pastime? Explaining to Juanita that her tacos are actually a crime against the Americadian palate, a dangerous foreign plot to undermine the purity of apple pie and hot dogs.

The Crowd Goes Wild: Ignorance is Patriotic

Meanwhile, the crowd gathers, snapping selfies, cheering, and waving flags as if they’re watching a Fourth of July parade starring patriotism and xenophobia hand-in-hand. They don’t see the irony of celebrating the expulsion of their neighbors, friends, and sometimes, family.

Mayor Cliff P. Staunch: The Grandmaster of Purge

Mayor Cliff P. Staunch, the grandmaster of this patriotic purge, beams from his office filled with more flags than a UN conference. His campaign slogan? “Americadia First—Because We’re Not Sure Who Should Be Second.” He loves the parade’s ratings and the blind support from his base, who firmly believe that keeping out “those people” will somehow make their own lives better, even as their wages stagnate and infrastructure crumbles.

The Inevitable Irony: Deportation of the Dreamers

Back on the street, Juanita and Miguel are loaded onto the deportation trucks, packed tighter than the lies that built the List. They glance at each other, a cocktail of disbelief and weary acceptance swirling in their eyes.

“I guess hard work and dreams don’t count for much here,” Juanita mutters. “But hey, at least I’ll have time to perfect my salsa recipe in ‘Back Where You Came From Land.’ Maybe they’ll appreciate a little spice.”

Miguel shrugs. “And I’ll be fixing things over there, too. Maybe I’ll start a taco stand of my own. Bet they won’t deport me twice.”

The Parade Rolls On, the Hypocrisy Stays

The crowd roars, oblivious to the delicious irony: the parade that’s supposed to protect Americadia’s culture is itself a parade of hypocrisy. Because what exactly is “Americadian culture” if it means excluding millions of people who already live here, contribute every day, and dream the same dreams?

Conclusion: The True Americadian Dream—Invisible and Out of Reach

And so the Great Deportation Parade marches on, an annual ritual of exclusion masquerading as patriotism. Where the true American dream isn’t about freedom or opportunity, but about keeping everyone who isn’t exactly like you out of sight and out of mind.

Juanita, watching from a truck window, smiles bitterly and says, “Maybe next year, I’ll be back with a float—something with tacos and a big ‘Welcome’ sign. Because even Americadia needs a little reality check.”

Miguel laughs quietly, “And I’ll be there, fixing the floats when they inevitably break down. After all, someone has to keep this farce rolling.”

Officer Bob sighs, realizing this parade is less about law and order and more about keeping people distracted with spectacle. But hey, at least it keeps his clipboard busy.

Because in Americadia, the real parade isn’t the one on the streets—it’s the parade of hypocrisy, exclusion, and shattered dreams that no one dares to admit.