I wish you weren’t so far away. I’m not sure why you left. I’ll never be sure actually. I have so many unanswered questions but that’s okay, I’m not mad. I could never be mad at you. You’re my best friend. I told you from the very beginning that you will always be my best friend no matter what happened between us. Not even death. We were supposed to work the same job when I got out of college, we had so many plans, so many memories. But I’m still not mad at you. We had many late night conversations over the course of 7 years and they will forever be engraved in my head as you are in my heart. I guess I just wish I could come visit. I wish that I could see you one last time or hear your voice one last time. I wish that I could have said goodbye more than anything. Or that I’m sorry. I wish I could have helped you in some sort of way. I remember the day I got the phone call, your mom called my sister and my sister called my mom. I got the phone call on my way home from Lima (ohio) and I remember the way my mom sounded when she told me that I needed to pull over. She told me I needed to pull over because she knew I was going to break down. That’s not a phone call I ever wanted to get, it’s a phone call that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. I remember feeling so helpless, like I couldn’t catch my breath. I still get that feeling around your birthday. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do to get you back but I know that you’re not hurting and feeling the way you once felt anymore. I guess I find comfort when I visit your grave. I feel a sense of comfort when I see your pictures and your contacts in my phone which I will never delete. I carry the note you left me before you passed. It comes with me everywhere because that’s the last thing I have from you. I carry it because if not I feel like I’ve lost you completely and that’s not the case. I know you’re watching over us. I know you’re around. Some days when I wake up from having a dream about you I get sad and upset because they feel so real but I know there’s nothing I can do to bring you back. It’s the sad truth that you can’t love someone back to life. You can try, but it’s not going to work. I will forever do the things I do to keep your memory alive just like your mom does. Everything I do is for you because you helped me work on myself. You were there through tough times I went through. You helped me with things that I will never talk about again. You helped me gain confidence in myself. I just wish you were here now to see the things I’ve accomplished. I wish you could see the things I am going through and I want you to know that I will overcome any obstacle in my way because you helped me gain the confidence to do so. You might not know it but you helped me with so much more than you might have actually realized. But anyway just know that I’m not mad, I just miss you. I love you so very much. You can come visit me anytime, I promise I won’t be scared.
In Loving Memory
T.A.S.
May 19th, 1997 - September 13th, 2016
About the Creator
Khaleb Hudson
If I can write even just one story that someone can relate to or a story that can help someone, then my job here is done. Transman, 22, Cosmetolgy student.
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Breathtaking
Have you ever looked at someone and thought to yourself that they are the most beautiful individual you’ve ever seen? I have. I wish that was all I could write because I can’t find the right words to describe her true beauty. She’s everything and more. She’s the type of woman who makes you park out on a back road and look at the stars, one who makes you feel whole. She’s the kind of woman that listens to you and remembers the small details about you. Your favorite color, favorite food, the way you smelled when you left her house after a date. But she’s also the type of woman who makes you want to better yourself. She will help you in whatever way she feels necessary. By talking, hugging, or simply just listening to the things you have to say. The way I look at it is, she’s too good to be single. Better yet, why is she even talking to me? That’s how beautiful she is. Have you ever been talking to someone and started thinking, why is this person even attracted to me?. That’s what I was thinking about her and then I realized maybe it’s not my looks, maybe it’s the way I treat her, or my personality, the way I talk to her on a daily basis. We all deserve someone who is going to look past our exterior and look at more of what we have to offer. Not money wise, but emotionally, mentally, and sometimes physically. Everything about her makes me feel nervous and bubbly at the same time and that’s not a feeling I’ve ever been used to. Maybe many of us are used to that feeling. She makes me want to let my walls down, open up about my feelings, but also drives me to be the man I am. But what really gets me about her is that yes, she is absolutely beautiful, but the inside...is something that is genuine. Unique. The way she cares about someone’s feelings, how my day went regardless of how her day went, the thoughtfulness, all the way down to the way she sends me a text saying “Good Morning” every day when she wakes up. It gives me butterflies. The outside matches the inside and that’s something you can’t buy, not even for all the money in the world. It’s something that takes me to a place that I’m not even sure exists. No amount of money could take me the place I go when I see her. Her smile, her eyes, the way she dresses, the music she listens to, just everything about this woman seems so right. Almost like it’s too good to be true but I know it is because I talk to her every single day. I never really knew that you could get butterflies just by seeing someone’s name come up on your phone or hear it come up in conversation, but the feeling is real. It’s rare. I never knew it was possible to actually have another individual understand you so well. When people ask me about her I don’t know what to say I’m at a loss for words. I could search all day and night to find the right way to describe her but I’m not sure there’s enough words to do so. But I can tell you that her beauty should be composted to nothing less than diamonds and the stars in the sky on a clear fall night. Her natural beauty is something beyond me. There should be a painting of her hung up in a museum guarded by security, but her heart and feelings aren’t to be played with, they aren’t toys. I hope one day I get the chance to show her what it’s like to be treated right.
By Khaleb Hudson5 years ago in Humans
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