If You’re Listening, I’m Ok

Waking early enough to catch the bus on a school day is definitely one of Janes least favorite memories. Dad would always come in acting as her alarm. Yelling from the doorway half asleep himself, “Hey, wake up! I’m only going to tell you once!” Jane would often hop right up until he made his way back to his own bedroom. Then she’d crawl right back into those warm sheets. “Why do I have to go? Can’t I sleep 10 more minutes?”...... SPLASH! Jane woke to a bucket of water being poured on top of her. “I told you once already!” , her dad yelled. She was up.

Fumbling through her pencil pouch Jane was looking for her favorite pencil. It had just the right hardness of led to shade her drawings to satisfaction. There wasn’t a clean surface safe from her doodles. Janes escape from the world she couldn’t escape was art. Art was the one class her dreams came true. Where reality didn’t have to exist. Jane’s reality was for most, a terrifying nightmare.

“Jane your father is home. Have you finished your chores?”, said Mom asking from the kitchen. “No. But almost”, replied Jane as she starts setting the dinner table. Mom was making macaroni and cheese. Everyone’s favorite. “Can you please pass the salt Dad?”, Jane asked. Dad passed the salt. Jane had filled the salt and pepper shakers earlier that evening and apparently did not close the lid tight enough. The salt spilled all over her plate. Dad turned 10 shades of red. “You’re eating EVERY last bit of it!”, he said shaking his finger. Jane slowly raised her fork to her mouth. Salt spilling from both sides she ate it. Every last bit. By the time she finished her meal she was in tears. The salt was now burning her tongue but she wasn’t crying because of the discomfort. Jane was crying because she just felt sad. “Now go to your room!”, Dad scolded. She ran to her room whimpering. Little did she know her salty tears were what made the night turn to terror. By the time Jane got to her room her entire dinner came up. Jane was in a ball on the vomit covered floor. Jane’s mom stood in her doorway with her arms crossed, “She threw up.”, she called back to Dad. “Get in here!”, Dad yelled. Jane made her way back to the kitchen. “You’re going to eat another plate. I’m going to teach you to listen.”,Dad said gritting his teeth. “No dad please.”, cried Jane loudly. Dad stood up and stuck both hands under the dinner table. The table went flying along with everything on it. Dad closed the space between him and Jane. He was now in her face. She already tasted nothing but a sour tongue. She didn’t want to taste blood. “Go to bed. You’re grounded from salt”, yelled Dad. Along with his favorite curse words. Jane felt a wave of relief. It was over.... for tonight.

Valentine’s Day was on its way and Jane was excited! Her favorite holiday. Red. Everything was red. Her crush passed her in the hallway and her heart fluttered. Later that day he approached her in the lunch room. “Hey Jane”, waved Aaron. “Can you do me a favor?”, he asked. “Sure.”, Jane replied trying to play it cool. “Well you won the art competition and your drawing is up in the hallway. I like it and I want you to draw me one.”, Aaron said excited. You can already guess what Jane’s focus was on that school week. Happy to be noticed and happy to be drawing for someone that appreciated her passion. One of her home punishments was that she wasn’t allowed to draw until Dad said she could. Well Dads orders were not stopping her for this project.

Another evening home doing chores and setting the dinner table mom reached in Janes backpack and pulled out the drawing she had been working on. “Oh you just wait until your Dad sees this! You’re supposed to be grounded from drawing. Wait until he gets home.”, Mom said in a way that Jane could tell was trying to entice fear. Jane continued to clean the countertops angrily. “I’m so tired of you.”, Jane whispered shaking her head. See Mom was a fire starter. She would never do the dirty work herself. Mom would find reasons to speak to Dad about Janes wrong doings. Then mom would sit back and watch Dad beat Jane. Jane has had it all. Bloody noses, busted lips, bruises from the back of her knee to her lower back (those hurt the worse. Some days she even had to sit on her side to relieve the pain), bald places of missing hair from being dragged across the house by the head, the feeling of losing her breath from Dad lifting her off of her feet by the neck, etc. Mom started the ball rolling and just watched. Today was different. Mom saw Jane had a fire in her own eyes. “I won’t be here much longer.”, Mom said as she walked away. Jane also felt something different.

Spring is almost here and that means Dads birthday was as well. Jane loved giving her dad homemade cards for his birthday. Dad was still Jane’s favorite person. He wasn’t aggressive dad unless he was angry. His anger always seemed to follow after words with Jane’s mother. She noticed this pattern and chose to look past the nights of terror. It was just what Dads did right?

Coffee cups clattered in the kitchen as Jane opened her eyes. The sun was shining through her window. “Wait, what?”, thought Jane throwing back her covers. She was late for school! Mom and Dad forgot to wake up. Jane ran to the kitchen surprised to find both her parents dressed in weekend clothes drinking coffee. “We’re late!”, Jane expressed. “It’s ok.”, Mom said. “Go get dressed for school.” Jane scratched her head confused at why they were not dressed for work. “Are you not going to work today?”, asked Jane. “Yes. It’s free Friday we can wear jeans today at work.” Jane dressed herself and put her favorite perfume in her school bag. She would arrive to school and spray her wrist with that beautiful scent. Mom was highly allergic to fragrances it gave her migraines so Jane only wore it at school. Getting in the car her bag slipped off her shoulder and hit the side of the door. Jane picked it up and threw her bag inside the car. The drive to school was about 30 minutes and half way there a bold scent filled the car. Jane instantly knew it was coming from her bag. The bottle of fragrance broke and emptied all over her books. Mom turned to look at Jane with anger. “You did that on purpose”. Jane apologized and rode silently to school. When the car pulled into the parking lot Jane gathered her things and opened the door. Dad turned to look Jane in the eyes. “I love you Jane”, he said with a genuine gaze. Jane told her dad she loved him too. She was rather shocked he wasn’t mad about the perfume. Jane looked at mom. Mom was facing forward in anger and Jane just shut the door. It was almost lunch time and she hurried inside.

Pick up came around 3:45. It was 4:30 and mom wasn’t anywhere in sight. She sat inside with a teacher. 5 pm came and she was escorted to the school office. Calls were made and no one could locate Jane’s parents. Jane’s aunt was phoned and she was sent home for the evening with her. “What’s going on”, Jane asked aunt Lauren. “No one can find your parents Jane. An officer is meeting me at my house. We’ve tried calling everyone and even driving their normal routes.”, Lauren said. “Oh no. I knew something was off” whispered Jane as she looked out the window of the car. She was feeling a sinking feeling in her stomach she had never felt before. The world felt unreal. Jane knew something bad had happened..... To be continued.