I wonder...

Have you ever wondered what it's like to be loved by you?

Yes?... No?

Well, I never had before today, and I have one famous person to thank my new thoughts.

Shawn Mendes.

To be completely honest, I never really listened to his songs in a state of WOW, as a matter of fact, I always felt like his songs were just okay. However, I'm often intrigued when it comes to things like fantasy and wonderland, all that sort of stuff. Recently, the young man published a teaser of a new single (album to be). It had this hint, kind of vibe to 'Miss Peregrine's House for Peculiar Children' mixed with 'Adore you' from Harry Styles and also a bit of 'Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe'. It just brought me lots of sensations that teaser.

Now, how did I get to that? Camila Cabello is the answer. I started following her work after the passionate and intense (relatable) album 'Romance' - it is worth going through it. One of these days she posted a teaser with Shawn Mendes new work, then one thing led another, and now I'm here listening to 'Wonder' on repeat.

I must admit, I have been WOWED by Shawn Mendes. Now, if you have no idea of what I'm talking about, I'll put the lyrics here for your better comprehension.

[Verse 1]

I wonder if I'm being real

Do I speak my truth or do I filter how I feel?

I wonder, wouldn't it be nice

To live inside a world that isn't black and white?

I wonder what it's like to be my friends

Hope that they don't think I forget about them

I wonder, I wonder

[Chorus]

Right before I close my eyes

The only thing that's on my mind

Been dreaming that you feel it, too

I wonder what it's like to be loved by you, yeah

I wonder what it's like

I wonder what it's like to be loved by

[Verse 2]

I wonder why I'm so afraid

Of saying something wrong, I never said I was a saint

I'm conditioned to feel like it makes me less of a man

And I wonder if some day you'll be by my side

And tell me that the world will end up alright

I wonder, I wonder

[Chorus]

Right before I close my eyes

The only thing that's on my mind

Been dreaming that you feel it, too

I wonder what it's like to be loved by you, yeah

I wonder what it's like

I wonder what it's like to be loved by you

I wonder what it's like to be loved by you, yeah

I wonder what it's like to be loved by you

I wonder what it's like to be loved by

[Outro]

Right before I close my eyes

The only thing that's on my mind

Been dreaming that you feel it too

I wonder what it's like to be loved by you

Have you felt it too?

I feel like maybe we don't talk enough about the fact that most of the times we grow up to love the people around us, and yet, it is a struggle to love yourself. I don't know about you, but I am the kind of person who gives my very best to others, but when it comes to myself, I barely make an effort.

It is not something consciously done, but it is just the way I grew up to be.

This song brought me a realisation that had not occurred to me before. It has put a lot of feelings into perspective. For example, anxiety (collateral damage). The feeling of being always on a wire, dreading the future and regretting the past. This constant state brings you down – you try to make up for the past mistakes and worries about mending things for the future; however, you set such high standards to make up for what has been done, that when you obviously don't achieve it, you think you have failed yourself and the ones around you. We try to be perfect. All. The. Time.

How can you love yourself if you keep failing what you want to achieve?

No wonder you can't love yourself.

Now, that is when this song comes in. We are no saints, just humans. You can only give your absolute best. After that, there is not much you can do. Maybe it is about expectations. We expect too much of ourselves.

I am now, wondering, what it is like to be loved by me?

I'd like to believe that the people I love feel welcomed and warmed by me. I hope they do; otherwise, it would be a big disappointment. For myself, at least. So, maybe that would be the answer.

It must feel liberating to be loved by you. That is the breaking point... the edge of glory. When you love yourself, it doesn't really matter what others think. You know who you are and own up to it, you are not afraid. It seems like a promising reality.

To be loved by myself, too, to love with no conditions or expectations. I have heard before that's what love is: to be there with no demands or suppositions. I guess that would be a tough challenge though… to love yourself with no conditions.

I wonder what it's like to see the world in a more varied pallet of colours. I wonder what it is like to not be afraid of saying what comes to mind; of taking risks and be forgiving if it goes wrong; to let others in, no restrictions; allowing yourself to love and be loved… but also believing in it.

I guess at the end of the day, that is all we need. The Beatles were right, all you need is indeed love. My small attempts at love and at practising this feeling leaves me with a bit of shortage of experience to explain try and explain such a complicated matter with words. It is still quite abstract, most of the times. However, I do wish every single person in the world can feel it, have a little go at it.

Do you wonder what it is like to be loved by you?

Maybe that is the sort of questioning we should do more often. I am reasonably sure that some other artist has approached the subject and perhaps it has gotten to you before – this sort of questioning. I think that everyone gets affected by some mixture of elements, and 'Wonder' by Shawn Mendes affected me. So, thank you.

Now, if just like me, this theme is currently going through your head, try and think of what it is like… don't ask anyone, it is all about what you think and feel. If it is something you are proud of, well done you. It means you are living up to your own standards - you already know your answer. If not, don't worry – try and wonder what you would like to be loved by you be, experiment on yourself first… it might make the real difference.

Myself? Well…