I Want

Hey Universe,

How ya doing? I'm sure things are cosmic, that is to say... beyond me.

And I know I'm just a little handful of dust, in the grand scheme of things-- I'm only one among billions of conscious humans, and we're each only here for a flash.... So, I mean, I get it.

I don't really matter. I mean, I matter to me and I matter to my family and to my friends, but none of that matters because none of us do. We don't matter to our planet. Hell we don't even matter to our countries or our cities.

And of course, we don't matter to our solar system or our galaxy.

But it kinda goes both ways, doesn't it? What can a germ care about the pinprick it lives on?

What can I care about things beyond my scope and scale?

Maybe I should be sorry to admit this, but, well... the city, country, planet, galaxy-- these rarely occur to me. Not in my day to day. I hardly ever spare a thought for the cosmos-- I just live here, that's all.

I mean, it's not like I wish harm on my home. I suppose I even wish well-- at least on my planet and the people here.

But, let's be real, Universe. You don't give a fuck about me, so when I bother giving a fuck about you that just feels one sided. It feels like wasted energy.

Like, why do I even waste time worrying about Universal Heat Death, when everyone I know-- and humanity as a whole-- will be long forgotten by the time the Final Dark rolls around?

Now I know, there's a whole movement among my people called wishful thinking "The Law of Attraction". As if you (the Universe) were the big bro, and you're always there looking out for us microscopically little guys.

I get how it's supposed to work, or I think I do.

I just don't believe that it does work.

But, for the sake of discussion: if I want something I can get it, all I have to do is want it hard enough-- because you (the Universe) will surely reciprocate my positive mental attitude and reward my wants by satsifying them. If I show gratitude for the stuff coming my way, my vibrational frequency will align with the Universe and the gifts will flow like water!

Right? Dare to dream, and all that jazz?

Well, that's obviously a steamy load of bullshit, but it is fun to fantasize, so I'm gonna play ball.

That's right, Universe! I'm gonna openly want. I'll send up a list and all you have to do is send me the gifts.

I'll type it here, and I just want you (the Universe) to know that this is me actualizing my goals by admitting them. I'm expecting you to obey the law of attraction and grant all my asks.

My first ask: please do not approach this magical wish-granting with a "monkey's paw", "bad genie", or any other "careful what you wish for" tropes. Okay, that shit is tired and trite.

And since I'm declaring that I want you to grant these wants kindly without any tricks or gotchas, I suppose the Law of Attraction will make it so.

Without any further ado, here's everything I want from you (the Universe).

1. I want my hernia to spontaneously heal.

2. I want my lost wallet to show up tomorrow morning, so I don't have to bother dicking around with the banks and the DMV to get all my cards reissued. (And I want there to be more cash in the folds than there was when I lost it.)

3. I want my car to get better gas mileage. I don't really care about the how, I know the tech exists and I see no reason why you (the Universe) can't simply zip zap some efficiency into the machine sitting in my driveway.

4. Any mechanical changes you need to make under the hood, I want you (the Universe) to make them quietly, because I'll be asleep in a couple hours and I do NOT want to be disturbed.

5. I want to date a beautiful woman, who has a really sexy voice. I'm not quite ready to make her my number one priority (Too busy being a fulltime dad), so I want someone who's fun and casual but not in any kind of rush for marriage-- I want a woman who can be happy with a half-assed commitment and unlimited cunnilingus. I don't think that's too much to ask! While we’re on the subject, I’d like her to have really pretty eyes and a big booty. And I want her to be wicked smart, or atleast smarter than me.

5.5 I know I said I want to date a beautiful woman with a really sexy voice, and I figure I better give some more clarity, since beauty is subjective and I don't know what you (the Universe) might send my way. I'm thinking I better give you some pointers. In fact, I want to, because I do have a type: she should be an artist with a stunning face and a fantastic ass. I want whoever comes my way to be a great singer and a good freak. This should be someone I could never get tired of looking at or bored of listening to. Actually, I invoked the Law of Attraction, so why beat around the bush? Go big or go home, right?... I want you (the Universe) to just land me a lifetime of happiness with Ari Lennox! Thanks in advance :)

But I'm not done, I want you (The Universe) to read and grant the rest of my wish-list, since the sky's the limit.

6. I want to be a better writer-- and I don't want to work for it. Just inject my brain with some literary genius please and thanks! To give you some direction here: I want the verbal command of Cormac McCarthy, the philosophical insights of Albert Camus, and the social wisdom and emotional depth of James Baldwin.

7. I don't really care if I make a lot of money off my soon-to-be genius writing talent, really all I want is for my writing to cHaNgE tHe WoRlD! I want to write stories that motivate billionaires to feed the poor and the hungry. I want to write critiques that influence war criminals like Netanyahu to atone for their sins. I want to write poems that convert racists, sexists, and homophobes into allies.

7.5 Actually, I'm feeling kinda lazy. I don't want to change the world with my writing. I just want to write art that helps people feel. There's no reason why I should solve racism, sexism, and homophobia with my writing, considering all I have to do is want those things to disappear as per the Law of Attraction. Really I want you (The Universe) to just eliminate all forms of hate, greed, and systemic, institutionalized bias! And even though I want this reform, I don't want the credit... I really don't want to be a hero. I want privacy. In fact I'd prefer not to have the scrutiny of the public eye, even if the gaze happens to be one of worshipful adoration.

8. The reason I don't really care if my books are profitable is because I want you (The Universe) to just give me a million bucks. That should be plenty to keep my kids fed and housed, for the next 30 years.

9. On second thought, you can keep the money. What I want even more than that million bucks, is to see the downfall of capitalism! I want viable, peaceful socialism to be the global norm, starting with the United States, (since my country is the biggest offender when it comes to visiting evil on humanity and the Earth all in the name of the profit motive.) I want the system that replaces capitalism to somehow be immune to the fester and rot of human greed, so it can consistently and equitably provide for all people's needs. I know I'm not smart enough to design or implement a foolproof system myself, so I want you (The Universe) to just figure it out.

10. I want Israel and all other terrorists regimes to enact complete disarmament and instead use their resources to redress the harms and injuries they've caused.

11. While we're at it, I want the whole world to lay down their arms. I want all people to abhor violence.

12. I want to be a better man. I want to be more generous and more patient. I want to be less lazy. But I don't want to have to work for any of these changes, I want progress to come easy.

13. I want a larger dick. Nothing crazy, I don't need to be a monster. But when Ari Lennox shows up in my life, I just want to feel good about what I'm giving her. So I want you (the Universe) to give me back that last inch-- just put it back the way it was before covid stole 13%!

14. I want social media to be functional rather than addictive, not just for me but for everybody.

15. I want global warming to stabilize at an ecologically healthy level.

16. I want green energy to become available to all and I want harmful forms of pollution to be whisked away.

17. I want all kids to be safe. Not just from cancer and car crashes, but also from violence and hunger and especially from predators like epstein and trump.

18. I want all my friends to be happy. Not in a doped-out "ignorance is bliss" sort of happiness, but in a deep, and rich, soulful joy kind of happiness. Oh and I want them all to be healthy!

19. I want my exwife to stop. I don't mean I want her to die. I just want her to stop bothering me. I want her to follow through on her promises to the kids and see them when she says she will. I want her to stop verbally harassing me. I want her to get her mental health in order, I want her to be lucid and healthy so she can better enjoy her life, separate from mine. For what it's worth, I also want her to apologize for assaulting my mom.

20. I want to lose weight, and I don't want to work for it. I don't really care what I look like, but I want to look good for Ari Lennox, so I want you (the Universe) to trim me up however she would like best.

21. I want to make friends with the coyotes that live in the park where I work. I don't want them as pets, I just want them as buddies. I want to go hiking with them, and give them ear scratches and occasional treats when I lock the buildings each night.

22. I want to go kayaking without back pain.

23. I want to go biking without knee pain and wrist pain. And without risk of concussion or other bodily injury.

24. I want to see the following artists in concert: Iggy Pop, the Toadies, Danielle Ponder, Doechii, Public Enemy, Rage Against the Machine, Mary J Blige, Heart, Monaleo, and Lauryn Hill.

24.5 I'm listing Ari Lennox separately because one show won't be enough. I want to attend all her concerts, especially her bedroom concerts.

24.9 I feel bad wanting this at all, it seems disrespectful to the dead to pull them back to life for something as trivial as this. But the Law of Attraction requires total honesty. So here are several artists who have passed away who I'd really like to see perform: Jim Morrison, Leadbelly, Layne Staley, BB King, Chris Cornell, Jimi Hendrix, Ella Fitzgerald, David Bowie, Kurt Cobain, Freddie Mercury, Tupac, Billie Holiday, and John Lennon

25. I want my friends who make art and music to be successful-- whatever that means to each of them. And I want to do a better job of supporting my artist friends.

26. I want lies to become extinct, I want all people to feel brave and conscientious enough to be entirely honest and I want the truth to prevail in all cases.

27. I want to know and speak Haitian Creole, so I can apologize to my exwife's family and wish them well and explain to them what really went down and that regardless of the history with my ex I still love and respect and miss (most of) them.

28. I want to live by a Pacific or Caribbean or Mediterranean beach, and spend every morning with my toes in the sand. It doesn't have to be immediate, because I want my kids to finish out their schooling near friends. So I want you (The Universe) to just line me up with a modest house-- within earshot of the ocean waves-- for me to move into when the time's right.

29. I want to eat some Puerto Rican food for breakfast, rice and beans and pork and fried plantain. I also want some haitian food with that-- Lambi and pikleze and maybe some Aransel patties. I don't want to have to go looking for this food, or to cook it myself. I just want it to be ready when I go downstairs. Gracias por la comida and merci pou manje!

30. I want all my food allergies to disappear so I can be polite and eat whatever friends or family offer without having to constantly ask for ingredients. Why be greedy, you know what: I want everybody's food allergies to disappear!

31. I want to know what poison ivy tastes like, but I don't want to get a rash from eating it.

32. I want to be a better dancer. Mainly for Ari Lennox. So I don't embarrass her when I'm showing up at all her shows.

33. I want to be fluent in French so I can read Camus' originals.

34. I want to be fluent in Italian, just because.

35. I want to see dinosaurs, especially pterodactyls and double-especially the tiny ones.

36. I want to know what life looks like elsewhere in you (the Universe). Are there aliens? There must be. Are they cool? I want to hang out with them.

37. I want my kids to be the best they can possibly be, I don't want to make any mistakes raising them but to always do my very best at dadding, flawlessly and to perfection.

38. Considering I already cracked this nut in want #24.9, there are a few more dead people I'd like to revive, just to meet my heroes. I want to have a conversation with Francis and Clare of Assisi. I'm sure there are other dead people I could learn a lot from, but I'm drawing blanks so I want you to surprise me with a few others. Please be advised, I don't want you (the Universe) to make this creepy or weird. No zombies, no corpse smell. Thank you!

40. I want to get all my numbering, typing, grammer, and wordchoice to be correct in this vocal post, without going back to edit it for clarity. I want you (the universe) to make it so,

41. I want unlimited mangoes, unlimited raspberries, and unlimited sushi.

42. I want my scalp to grow hair again. I'll probably still shave it, but I want to have the option of hair.

43. I want to be really good at playing guitar and singing so that Ari Lennox doesn't feel like she's in a one-sided relationship with someone who can't contribute anything, musically speaking.

44. I want the final seasons of Stranger Things and Squid Games to hurry up and arrive.

45. I want Archer to be renewed for another season.

46. I want to have a pet vampire bat, and I want to feed him with my own blood because that would be metal as fuck.

46.5 I don't want to develop anemia or contract any diseases from feeding my vampire bat, I don't want to spread any to him either. And I don't want him to get his blood meals from anyone else, because I don't think most people would understand.

47. I want to be a martial arts master. Not because I want to hurt anybody, but because I want to be cool, and there's almost nothing cooler than that.

48. I want to meet donald trump so I can tell him to his face that he's a shameful piece of shit.

49. I want play Frisbee Golf with table saw blades, on an utterly lifeless course so that there's zero chance of hurting any people or animals. (Really I just want to hear the sound of the metal discs landing in the chain cages).

50. I want to normalize dumpster diving, so that fewer useful things go to senseless waste.

51. I want to set up a huge warehouse full of useful stuff, sourced through donations and dumpster diving, where the community can come to drop off unwanted things and pick up whatever they can find and use, absolutely free!

52. I know I've given you (the universe) a quite large to-do list. But I'm not done. I want to have the energy to get ahead of my own to-do list.

53. I want to start doing voiced narrations of my own stories-- but I want to sound good without struggling through the expected learning curve. I want to do narrations for other people's stories too, those that want their work voiced but don't want to do it themselves.

54. I want to do some freelance work as an editor, to support fellow writers and help authors tighten up their stories as much as I can.

55. I want to go to bed right now, but I don't want to get up to go there.

55.5 And once I arrive I want Ari Lennox to be there, humming a love song lullaby.

56. I want a free gym membership to a place that has a pool and is almost always deserted.

57. I want to see the redwoods. Actually, that doesn't go far enough... I want to live there, under their branches, all by myself, just sleeping like a deer at their feet-- I want to curl down between their roots and soak up the fresh air.

58. I want to go back to Assisi for a while, and I want to take my kids with me. I want to carry them up Mt Subasio so they can see the view that meant so much to me.

59. I want to kill my ego and be one of those badasses who lives for others rather than for himself.

60. I want vocal.media to be smoother and less clunky, less plagued by bots, and less likely to generate load errors.

61. I want to want for nothing. I don't mean that in a "I want all my wants fulfilled" kinda way. I mean I want to just stop wanting-- especially if those wants are selfish, absurd, stupid, or impossible.

Well, Universe, I guess 56 is the one to grant-- it'll let ya off the hook for all the rest.

If you're feeling generous and decide to shoot any gifts my way, thanks in advance. But I'm not gonna hold my breath or any expectations, because magic isn't real and the Universe isn't some external being that grants wishes.

I might never be full-zen but I'll work on not wanting things that are selfish first. Then I'll work on not wanting things that are impossible.

And then, those wants that are in the realm of reason? If they're not harming anybody I'll pursue them.

So, thanks Universe. Not for abra-cadabra-ing my life into some sort of fairy tale. But for lending me some carbon and water and whatever other matters make me, me. I am a handful of dust, and I know I only have these molecules for a short while, so I hope I'll put them to good use.

And if I fail, I suppose you (the Universe) can take comfort in the facts: that you don't care and that I never mattered-- except to a few other handfuls of dust, all trying to do their best.

And, wifey jokes aside, for those who don't already know how damn good Ari Lennox sounds, this is one of her songs: