I'm Happy that Song Ended

Note to the reader: The following songs might not be the Anti-Valentine songs that you are expecting to hear.

In my past relationships, I would always hear people ask me:

What is your theme song?

I'm not sure about other people but this was a common question asked in my circle whenever couples popped up like mushrooms overnight in gardens.

This outlook made it possible for me to have a list of songs that would represent my past relationships. Some songs, I could vaguely remember while others' melodies still play clearly in my subconscious. Playing in a never-ending loop that catches my attention and makes me wary whenever I'm at the crossroad of singleness and couplehood.

The First Crush

Just as the above title suggests, the song reminds me of my first crush and how everything I had was innocent. We were in grade 4 and showed interest in one another. We slowly grew distant, I found out that he told his best friend to take over our non-existent relationship because he was bored of me. I'm happy that song ended.

The Lyricist

We had cube-shaped lockers inside our classrooms when I went to elementary school. One day, I opened my locker and saw an envelope. I opened the envelope and read a love letter that was written in one of those scented, pastel-coloured stationery papers. I admit it gave me butterflies but the feelings ended as quickly as people realized that the world was not ending in the year 2000.

A friend of mine realized that the loving words were copyrighted and were lyrics from a song that I did not recognize. We still dated for maybe a week. He broke up with me through a friend. I was walking with a group of friends in the school hallway when I was stopped by another common friend. He gave her instructions to break up with me by saying:

I got tired of your beauty.

I'm happy that song ended.

This song, I could vaguely remember. I used my gut feeling and chose a song that reminded me of the moment when I read the words in his "love" letter. I just know it was a popular OPM band that was popular from the 1990s to 200os.

The Frenemy's Pick

This relationship happened in a transition time of my school life. I was in grade 6 and was moving to a different school for high school. We tried to meet up and spend time together but things just did not work out. He liked me and approached one of my best friends who acted as a bridge between us. She continued to do so even when we were dating. He broke up with me with accusations of me cheating on him. I was made aware that my best friend talked about me negatively and accused me of such things. It turned out that she liked him even before he liked me. This song is for the three of us. I'm happy that song ended.

The Broken Arm

I went to a specialized high school wherein we had to pass an exam just to get accepted. This made me not feel too bad about choosing school over my previous relationship. After the bridge drama, things calmed down with my feelings. Then this guy showed up with a broken arm, courted me and sorry to say, awakened my instinct similar to that of wanting to take care of an abandoned puppy. Our relationship ended because we decided that we both liked other people. He ended up with my friend, who Mr. Lyricist broke up with me for, and I ended up with that friend's boyfriend. Scandalous. I found out that he liked her first before moving on to me. I still question my decision-making skills but I'm glad that song ended.

The Regret

While in this relationship, I was feeling emotionally numb and was just going with the thought that somebody chose to like me. He was sweet but my insecurities got the best of me. I didn't trust or like him completely because of his previous relationship and my inferiority complex towards my friend. Our relationship was also shaken by the news that my family was immigrating to another country, although that move happened years after our break-up. Awkward. I still have regrets because I did not show enough appreciation for his efforts. He has an iron will and is mentally strong. He seems like he's doing fine. I'm happy that song ended for us.

The Repertoire

He sang and played the guitar. He was 2 years younger and so we could not see eye-to-eye when it came to where we were headed. I was so invested to do well in this relationship that I failed to check on his commitment to our future. This relationship made me feel actual pain and wailing-ugly-cry deserving heartache. At first, I associated the pain with the idea that I was losing the relationship. Later on, I realized that I was sad not because of the relationship ending but because I felt sad about giving more than I should have. I still laugh at myself for not caring about the fact that the songs he was singing to me, were the same songs that I saw him singing to his previous girlfriends. I'm really happy that song ended.

The Priority

I am 28 and enjoying singleness. The lyrics from this last song that talks about sending baby presents make me look back and realize how far I've come. From someone who sought self-assurance from others to someone who is okay with finding the self-assurance from the Spirit within me.

I used to not like looking back and listening to these songs because they reminded me of various people and the feelings that I had for them. But, now that time had passed, the feelings are not entirely as unpleasant as I remembered. Surely, the songs still remind me of the person I liked during that time and how sadly, most of them had emotionally, physically, and spiritually damaging endings. But, the songs also remind me of where I am now and how thankful I am for the lessons I learned from those relationships. These songs and many others, remind me that in order to truly move on let go of previous trespasses, forgiveness is the key. Forgiving others for past hurts and mistakes as well as forgiving myself for not making the best decisions.

Through social media, glimpses of our lives could be seen and I am happy to see that they have families of their own and relationships that they look happy about. From our laughter-inducing immaturity, we all grew up and found our own paths and priorities. I can truly say that I'm happy that those songs ended.

I hope that when you listened to these songs, you were reminded of songs from relationships that you've had. I pray that you realize that whatever path you are in now, singleness or couplehood. You are loved and are deserving of happiness.