I'm Counting On It

Rebecca sat on the top porch step of the cabin, gazing out at the light illuminating the peak of the Tetons. Her mood in no way matched the serenity of the setting. She checked the time on her phone for what felt like the seventeenth time and called out impatiently,

“Let’s go, Serena, you don’t need makeup to hike!”

Serena’s ample figure appeared at the screen door, “You never know when you’ll twist your ankle and need the help of some handsome search and rescue guide with rippling muscles, and for THAT I would like to be prepared! What’s the rush anyway, Becks? It’s not like we have an appointment.”

“I just want to get going, it’s a long way to the top.”

“I have no clue what that girl was thinking” Serena replied, once again disappearing into the cabin. “The last time we climbed this thing together was 15 years and 15 pounds ago!”

Madison honked the horn, the sound was startling as it echoed across the lake.

Serena threw open the screen door and emerged “ For Christsake, what is this? A coup? I’m ready, let’s go!”

Rebecca stood up, slung her daypack over her right shoulder and her left arm over Serena’s shoulders. “You like adventure. It will be fun.” She offered.

“Fun my ass.” Serena shot back “I’m sure Katie just wanted to torture us and see me sweat my makeup off. She’s just riding some cloud up in heaven, maybe that one,” She pointed to the sky, “looking down and laughing her skinny butt off.”

“Sounds about right.” Rebecca responded with a knowing grin.

Serena frowned. “I miss her, Becks. So much it hurts.”

“We all do, but we’ve got each other, she made sure of that. C’mon, let’s get moving.”

As the trio drove to the trailhead, Rebecca gazed out the window and remembered back to when she first met Katie at camp. The 11 year olds bonded quickly over a mutual love of Menudo and a similar dislike of The Backstreet Boys. Upon their introduction, Katie immediately called her “Becks” and the nickname had stuck. That first night they snuck out of the cabin, found a spot down by the lake under the stars and talked through the night, awakening only to the sound of their names being called as the counselors frantically searched through camp. It was the first time they got into mischief together, but certainly not the last.

*

As the three women emerged from the car and prepared to begin the two-mile trek to the summit, they worked in unusual silence, each lost in their thoughts of their friend. All their life, the four had been inseparable, tackling challenges and planning adventures. Becks and Katie were the nucleus of the group. In their Freshman year of high school, they joined the field hockey team and met Serena and Maddie, who they quickly added to their orbit. Now, almost 25 years later, here they were.

The lifelong sisterhood had faced everything together, marriages, and broken hearts, the births of Kate and Maddie’s children, the deaths of parents. No matter what, they had each other through it all, a cherished friendship, the kind you only read about in stories.

The years had scattered them across the country, even across the globe, as Serena once had a two year stint in Portugal chasing a doomed love affair. But no matter where they were or what they were doing, when one of them needed help, the other three were at the ready.

Of the group, it was natural that Kate and Rebecca had remained the closest, and when Kate had gone into early labor and given birth to twin girls four years ago, Becks was the one by her side as Tim was across the country trapped in New York. A pilot for a commercial airline, he had missed the birth of his daughters, impatiently waiting on the tarmac at JFK, grounded by a snowstorm.

That birth was both immensely joyous and painful. Just three months earlier, when Kate hadn’t been gaining enough weight to support the pregnancy, her OBGYN sent her for testing and they had discovered cancer in her lymph nodes. Kate had made the decision to forego treatment until after the twins were born, but by then it was too late and the doctors wound up chasing the cancer through her body for the next three and a half years. Through that time she had seen a year in remission, but the cancer had returned with a vengeance. Becks was by her side the whole way, leaving her job as a journalist for an outdoor magazine in Colorado to go freelance so she could be with her friend and in Seattle and help her with the family.

Those last few weeks were brutal, but the two best friends found themselves lost in memories together, and ultimately Rebecca had made the promise to always be there for Olivia and Grace.

“Becks, I’m frightened that they will never know who I am.” Kate confided in her best friend through tears. “They’ll remember me only as a picture, and not as someone who couldn’t get enough of the smell of their hair or melted inside at their innocent smiles. They won’t remember that I loved them.”

Becks leaned over and wrapped Kate tightly in a hug. “As long as I have breath” she said “I promise, they’ll know who you are, as if you were standing right there. I promise.”

Kate’s voice rose just above a whisper “I’m counting on it, Becks.”

*

The three women navigated the trail, stopping to catch their breath in the thin mountain air and take in the majesty of nature. They had joked throughout their lives about how they were like four distinct legs of the same table, each completely different from the other, yet all an integral part of the same structure. But here they were, now only three, broken, but still standing.

“Just like Katie to have planned this down to the last detail.” Maddie smirked as she holstered her water bottle.

“Always the control freak.” Serena laughed.

Each of their packs contained a manila envelope with their names scrawled in Kate’s handwriting. Inside was carefully tucked a card and a small packet of her ashes. Becks’ envelope contained an additional item though, a small rectangular package wrapped in plain brown paper.

Rebecca wasn’t surprised when Tim had come to her with Kate’s final request. It seemed fitting. He had handed her $20,000 in cash and a few small individual packets of Katie’s ashes. “What the hell is this?” Becks had asked. “Katie wanted me to give this to you. It’s from a life insurance policy she had taken out. She asked that you, Serena and Maddie use it to have adventures, to take her on the road, to places that you shared together, and that you laugh and tell stories as you remember her and toss her to the wind.”

The first trip Becks planned was here, to Jackson Hole, Wyoming and the Grand Tetons. It was a good memory, a week at the cabin on the lake, a place where they had come together many years ago to celebrate their 30th birthdays under the watchful eye of the mountains. Those days culminated in summits and ski runs and the nights in wine and laughter and occasionally tears. This visit seemed no different. Though it took the better part of six months to arrange, they were finally here, together again.

After four hours of hard trekking, the three finally reached the top, dropped their packs and stretched. Serena broke the silence, “So how do we do this? Do we say a prayer or something?” “I don’t know” said Rebecca “ not much protocol for this I suppose.”

“ I guess we bring her out.” said Maddie. The women reached into their days packs and drew out the manila envelopes, they gently removed and opened the small packets of ashes that Tim had carefully prepared for each of them.

Rebecca decided she should be the one to say something. “Here’s to you, my friend. My life definitely would’ve been less without you, hell, without all of you.” Serena and Maddie nodded. “You were always there, wiping my tears or kicking my ass when needed. You believed in me more than I did myself. My ride or die. I love you Katie, you made up half my heart. I don’t know how we’ll go on, but we will. Because you’d be crazy mad if we didn’t.”

“We love you Katie” said Serena. “You’ll never be far from our thoughts or our hearts.” Added Maddie. And with a nod to each other, Maddie counted “one, two, three.” And together, with a turn of the wrist, they scattered their friend to the winds. They took each other’s hand and stood together silently, tears streaming down their cheeks. “I think maybe we should open our letters.” Serena finally suggested. Somehow they knew, that they should each seek some solitude to read the words that Kate had left behind.

Becks took her envelope and found a flat rock to sit on, the valley floor stretched before her. Her legs ached from the strain of the climb, but her heart ached more for the loss of her friend, her confidant. She placed the small, brown paper wrapped package on her knees and opened the card.

Instantly, the familiar handwriting pierced her heart.

Dear Becks,

What is left to be said that hasn’t already been said between us? You are the sister I never had. Words can’t express how much you have meant in my life. It seemed that every bit of good news wasn’t fully celebrated until I shared it with you. And every heartache wasn’t softened until we cried over a pint of Haagen Das together.

Everyone deserves a best friend like you, someone who they know will always be there, no matter what.

From the time we met, I knew we were meant to be lifelong friends. The adventures we’ve shared have shaped my life in so many beautiful ways.

So don’t be sad, my friend. Tell tall tales with Serena and Maddie and let me live on through your memories.

You have my stories, Becks. They are written on your heart. Now it’s time to write them for my girls, so they’ll know me as you do. Keep me alive for them, Becks. And when they smile at you, know that a piece of me is smiling too.

Your friendship has made my life so wonderful. I love you.

Always,

Katie

Rebecca read the note again and smiled through the tears. Then she turned her attention to the package on her lap. She already guessed what lay inside. She pulled aside the paper and lifted out a pen and the small journal bound in soft black leather. She absentmindedly ran her hands over the smooth cover as she gazed out at the horizon. “As long as I have breath” she whispered, “I promise.” And faintly heard the wind reply, “I’m counting on it.”

Becks opened the notebook to the first crisp page and began to write.

The End