I Don't Know How to Be Myself

"Be yourself," they would say. Your parents, your guardian, your high-school counselor. Basically any authoritative figure giving advice when you'd feel insecure or want to fit in. But how do kids become insecure? What makes a kid want to fit in? They certainly were not born wanting to please others, so where do they learn it? "Being yourself," is a great concept, but there's a problem when it comes to applying it; kids don't know who they are, because they are too busy learning to please everyone else. The saddest part is that those they are pleasing learned to do the same thing, not realizing it has lead them to life that is unfulfilling to their truest desires.

Look around you, who in your life or daily experience would you say is living life to their fullest potential? Is there anyone you can think of that lives and breathes in the essence of their true self day in and day out? Do you know someone that exemplifies a human being that truly knows themselves with no shame or second thought about it? The problem with today's society is that kids don't learn to be themselves, because they are too busy learning to behave. When a parent wants to make their life easier, they tell their child what to do "or else." They may have punishments for "bad behavior" and rewards for "good." Maybe Susie wants to play outside, but it's homework time. Or if a parent wants to raise a nice child, they might force them to share with other kids when they don't want to. The child is required to listen to higher authority because they simply don't have another choice. They don't learn anything in this process except that if they "behave" and do what they're told, they please you and won't get punished or may get something out of it. This simple yet chronic dynamic leads a child that's built on instinct to start living a life to subconsciously please others. They learn in order to get what they want, they need to do something in return. They learn that what they instinctively want and gravitate towards is not always the "right" thing, because evidently other's know best. They learn to change themselves or actions to please another, instead of being themselves and finding the people that are pleased with their truest self. And when that first day of school comes around, parents are the first to say "be yourself."

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you've changed your personality or opinion based on the person you're with? Do the people around you affect your confidence or overall decisions? Do you ever lose yourself completely and don't even know how to act? This is common in people and it's even said to be normal to go through a phase of wanting to "fit in" in high school or to be jealous of those that do. The most common misconception is that "it's fine, everyone goes through it." Well guess what; It's not fine, and not everyone has to go through it.Everyone is unique and passionate about different things. No two people have all the same interests, experiences, and perceptions. Everyone has something new to bring to the table that is this earth. So let me be the one to tell you, if you are "fitting in" or trying to, you are far from being yourself, and quite possibly knowing who that is.

After a baby is born, it cries to let you know it needs something. A baby lives its life by its own needs, never questioning whats "right," "wrong," or "appropriate," they just know it's how they feel in that moment. In other words it's being authentic, which a lot of us lose along the way. If you ever find yourself just wanting to be alone, it's because you're in a space where you're not able to be authentic. Our basic need as people is human connection, yet half the time we feel the need to be alone. If you're someone whose need for alone time has grown while you've gotten older, it's because you've been pulled further away from your true self. You're surrounded by people and things that aren't serving you, nor do you feel like you can be accepted or authentic and still be yourself. Whether it's work, at friends, or even families, the longer you conform to anyone else's expectations the more you will lose yourself, and a fulfilling life as a result.

But what if it's work, does that count? You may be thinking, "Well at work I'm not myself but I don't choose to be around those people." It may just make your life easier and work more enjoyable to fit in with a group that makes you feel more included. Unfortunately, this is one of the most crucial and un-serving environments to not have the luxury of being yourself, and it's not to be justified or ignored. If you can't be yourself at work, you're not at the right place. If you work full-time or even part-time, you are putting way too much energy and time into something that does not align with your true desires. You are not contributing to this world what you are meant to, while being unfulfilled in the process. You may need the money or want to be successful, but that's even more of a reason to start putting your energy towards something you love, or to start brainstorming what that would look like.

People love authenticity but don't know how to be authentic. People gravitate towards authenticity because it creates a space for them to let down their walls. Putting up a front or acting a certain way to be liked only creates more separation between you and other people because you're not exemplifying anything they can truly relate to. While holding yourself to a certain standard, you're subconsciously doing the same for those around you, critically judging them while internally doing the same to yourself. If you've ever desired a life of true happiness and fulfillment, it's time to finally let yourself have it. It may feel like you'll be giving something or people up in the process, but what you'll gain is so much more powerful and everlasting.