I.C.U.

Her name is Nita. I’m not sure of the spelling but I saw her sign: “Stranded”. That’s all it said, and I felt compelled to sit next to her and ask her about it. She smiled obligingly and started to tell me about the circumstances that have left her stranded in Denver, Colorado and trying to get to Montana where land and life wait for her.

She was honest, letting me know that her retirement check was coming and should help her, and the man with her, get back on the road. I offered her the $5 that I had with me and her face lit up like I had given her a $50 or more. She was so grateful! I sat with her a while longer and Xena, my toy poodle, reluctantly allowed Nita to pet her. Before I got up to leave I offered Nita a hug and told her I wished her well and would be sending good thoughts and prayers her way. She nodded with a smile and seemed at least a little happier than when I had first stopped to chat.

Driving home I felt happy that I was able to find Nita and give her at least a little joy for her journey. But then it struck me: The unfairness of it all. Why should I feel good about treating Nita like a normal human being? Why is it something out of the ordinary to sit next to someone with a cardboard sign and ask them about their particular circumstances?

Maybe I can’t fix anything for them but I can at least let them know I actually give a damn. And why shouldn’t I? I would have been homeless a few times over if not for the support of family. Wouldn’t I want others to at least acknowledge my existence if I was homeless?

I realize that I can’t sit and talk with every cardboard sign-toting individual. But I can look them square in the eyes, nod, and smile like I do with everyone else. I can let them know that I see them. I’m not obligated to solve any of anyone’s issues, but I can be brave enough to treat them like everyone else.

I don’t mean to lay out a guilt trip. If anything, I’m scolding myself for believing for 40 plus years that it’s fine to just ignore another person’s suffering. I realize it’s challenging to face another person’s suffering when there’s no immediate, tangible help to give. However, I’ve come to believe that it’s not my job to fix anything for anyone. That’s up to God. It’s my job to remain open to being a vessel through which God’s Love can flow. And, here’s the thing about God; He doesn’t normally feel the need to share any details with me until the moment when I need to know the details. This is actually a relief because it means that all I need to do is take the step in front of me; and take the next one, and the one after that, and so on.

Too many times I want to figure it all out and come up with a rock solid plan. I’m finally learning to leave the planning to God.

And that’s what I’m proud of today. I’m not proud of myself for treating another human being like every other human being. I’m proud of myself because when I felt a tug in my heart to go help the homeless, I didn’t ask, “But, how?” For once I was able to just go and let Love lead the way!

I’m proud of you, Rebecca Lee! You’re a rockstar and you got this!

Yes, I do give myself pep talks often. You should try it because it really will let your inner rockstar out! But that’s a discussion for another day.

I love you guys so much! Thank you for reading!