Humans are creatures that would die without performative behavior

I recently came across an interesting perspective: humans are creatures that would die without performative behavior. Our nature compels us to constantly seek others' attention, approval, and affection, even altering our behavior and thoughts to align with the roles others expect us to play.

Performance is not a product of modern society. Its origins can be traced back to humanity's primitive tribes. Imagine this: in the perilous environment of primitive society, if someone was well-known and recognized by many in the tribe, their chances of survival were higher. They could easily gather helpers when hunting, and others would share their catch with them. If they fell ill or went missing, others would remember to look for them. Perhaps this is why we still seek to be seen by others to this day.

Even some couples in love may find that the woman's greatest need in love is to “be seen.”

The most romantic line in “Avatar” is also: “I see you.”

You might argue that you are honest with yourself and those around you, and others say the same. However, when you unconsciously label yourself, you begin your performance without realizing it.

The development of the internet in modern society, along with the popularity of social media platforms like Facebook and Instagram, has also contributed to the rise of performative personalities. We take attractive photos to post on social media to attract others' attention, showcasing our travels and purchases... We are all busy performing for others to show “how well we are doing,” and we are playing various roles—employee, mother, wife, husband... No one can completely remove themselves from the act of “performing.”

We can accept that “performing” is a part of life, but we must be vigilant not to lose our authentic selves through excessive performing. Because if you develop a performative personality disorder, you may become trapped in the false, distorted world you have constructed for yourself, and those around you may feel unable to establish a deep connection with you.

A real-life example from my own experience: Anne (a pseudonym) was once my closest friend. We met in high school, and she was always a model student and playmate. She consistently projected kindness and friendliness to those around her, making it easy to approach and trust her. However, over time, we noticed something was off. She frequently crossed our boundaries, and even after repeated reminders, she would claim to have “forgotten.” Time and again, we gradually realized that she was immersed in her own world, her own performance, and those around her were merely tools for her to perform kindness and friendliness. She never truly cared about us and did not want to be close friends with us. What she wanted was for us to comply with her arrangements and cooperate with her performance. But no one wants to be a puppet being manipulated, and gradually, her friends began to distance themselves from her. She felt confused and sad: “Why don't I have any good friends?” We tried to remind her, but clearly, she was already too deeply entrenched in her own world to listen to anything that didn't align with it.

Therefore, when you encounter a sad person pouring out their loneliness and lack of friends to you, don't rush to comfort or sympathize with them. The underlying causes are what truly deserve our attention.

In life, we inevitably have to play multiple roles. How can we avoid developing a performative personality disorder? Here are three suggestions:

First, we must learn to affirm our own value. Even when no one is paying attention or acknowledging us, we should not feel anxious. Whether at work, in daily life, or while traveling, do not take photos just for the sake of taking photos. Always prioritize enjoying the present moment and focus on the important people around us.

Second, don't label yourself, and be wary of others labeling you. Always maintain an open-minded perspective on yourself and the world. The world is more like a mirror; labels don't bring us a better life, but rather limit our rich personal development.

Third, when we encounter highly performative people or situations, we must learn from the experience and establish this standard in our minds to avoid repeating the same behavior in the future. Everyone’s standards may be different, but that doesn’t matter. The purpose of establishing standards is to set an alarm in our hearts. Once we exceed that standard, we can immediately become alert and avoid falling into the vortex of performance-oriented personality disorders, embracing our authentic self-feelings.

Finally, may we all step out of the “performance mode” and not become lonely actors trapped on the stage of life.