How to Spot Red Flags in Friendships

Friendships can be some of the most rewarding connections, offering support, fun, and mutual growth. But not all friendships are healthy, and some can even drain your energy or undermine your confidence. Knowing how to identify red flags in friendships can help you maintain strong boundaries and prioritize relationships that truly enrich your life. Here are 10 warning signs that may indicate a toxic friendship.

1. They Constantly Compete with You

Red Flag: Friendly competition is normal, but a friend who always tries to one-up you—whether it’s achievements, relationships, or even hardships—may be more focused on themselves than on the friendship.

Why It’s Harmful: This behavior can create tension and make you feel like you’re in a constant rivalry, which is emotionally exhausting.

What to Do: Establish boundaries and acknowledge your own accomplishments without comparing them to others.

2. They Make You Feel Guilty for Setting Boundaries

Red Flag: Good friends respect your boundaries and understand your need for personal space. If they guilt-trip you for saying "no" or try to manipulate you into changing your mind, it's a warning sign.

Why It’s Harmful: Ignoring boundaries leads to resentment and emotional exhaustion.

What to Do: Stand firm on your boundaries and communicate why they're important. True friends will respect them.

3. They Talk About You Behind Your Back

Red Flag: Gossiping about you or revealing things you shared in confidence is a betrayal of trust.

Why It’s Harmful: This behavior can lead to self-doubt and erode trust, making you feel isolated or unsupported.

What to Do: Confront them calmly and explain how it made you feel. If they continue, it may be time to reconsider the friendship.

4. They Dismiss Your Feelings

Red Flag: When you express feelings or concerns, a supportive friend listens and validates you. A toxic friend, however, may brush off your feelings or act like they’re irrelevant.

Why It’s Harmful: This can lead to feelings of isolation and make you question your own emotions.

What to Do: Express how you feel and give them a chance to change. If they’re unwilling to listen, they may not have your best interests at heart.

5. They Only Contact You When They Need Something

Red Flag: A one-sided friendship is exhausting and makes you feel used. If they only reach out for favors or emotional support and disappear otherwise, this could indicate an unbalanced dynamic.

Why It’s Harmful: It can drain your energy and time, leaving you feeling unappreciated and unsupported.

What to Do: Try to create more balance by limiting your availability for their requests.

6. They Don't Celebrate Your Successes

Red Flag: Friends should lift each other up, especially during moments of joy and achievement. If a friend downplays your success or even acts resentful, it may stem from jealousy or insecurity.

Why It’s Harmful: A lack of support in good times can make you feel lonely and unvalued.

What to Do: Reflect on whether this friend brings positivity into your life. Surround yourself with people who genuinely celebrate your wins.

7. They Regularly Put You Down (Even as “Jokes”)

Red Flag: Friends may tease each other, but if a friend constantly makes hurtful comments disguised as "jokes," this could be their way of undermining your confidence.

Why It’s Harmful: Over time, these remarks can chip away at your self-esteem and make you feel small.

What to Do: Let them know how their comments affect you. A true friend will apologize and change their behavior.

8. They Take Sides Against You

Red Flag: In conflicts, a good friend should be supportive and impartial. If your friend consistently sides with others or defends someone who wronged you, it can feel like a betrayal.

Why It’s Harmful: This creates doubt about where their loyalties lie and can lead to mistrust.

What to Do: Have an honest conversation about how it makes you feel. If they continue, they may not have your best interests at heart.

9. They Try to Control Your Decisions

Red Flag: A friend who insists on making decisions for you or pressures you to make certain choices is trying to control the relationship.

Why It’s Harmful: This can make you feel powerless and dependent, limiting your growth and independence.

What to Do: Reclaim your autonomy by making decisions that align with your values, and make it clear that you need space to make your own choices.

10. You Feel Drained After Spending Time with Them

Red Flag: One of the clearest signs of a toxic friendship is how you feel after interacting with them. If you consistently feel drained, anxious, or stressed, this relationship may be taking a toll on your well-being.

Why It’s Harmful: Chronic stress from a negative friendship can impact your mental and emotional health.

What to Do: Limit the time you spend with them and surround yourself with friends who leave you feeling uplifted and valued.

Final Thoughts: How to Protect Yourself

Friendships should be sources of encouragement, support, and joy. Recognizing red flags and setting boundaries doesn’t make you a bad friend—it helps you protect your emotional health and foster meaningful relationships. Remember, friendships are a two-way street. When a relationship becomes toxic, it’s okay to prioritize yourself and seek out people who truly appreciate and support you.