How to Live Alone

How to Live Alone

When I first realized that I would be moving for a new job, I was excited. I thought that I would have so much time to meet people, do whatever I wanted, take my classes, and work! I had not anticipated the depth of my biggest challenge thus far, loneliness.

I had lived on campus away from my family for 4 years, but still was not prepared. One of those years was spent on campus in an R.A. dorm by myself. However, it has not felt similar in the slightest. I have yet to talk more than 5 minutes with any of my apartment neighbors, who seem to range 5 to 50 years older than I. Most with children. Whereas before, I was within a couple years of everyone who lived around me and we were all newbies trying to make friends.

There have been some days that I have simply stayed in bed until late in the afternoon without a lick of motivation. Even though I have tried using Bumble to make girlfriends, or even Hinge to go on dates, I've been missing something. At first, I couldn't figure it out. I was mainly just down. Then, I started trying to make more plans, even if those plans seemed to be made alone. COVID was surely not helping. However, I started making some regular adjustments to my schedule.

That's when I realized what I was missing. I was missing a routine! While my work schedule was maintained, I did not have a set gym time, hadn't reached out to find a church, or even decided on a schedule for completing my own online coursework. This realization only took 5 months...

CREATE A ROUTINE.

It sounds simple, but reaps great reward. I realized that if I made a point of going to the same classes, the same days at my gym, I would be interacting with the same people! What an ingenious thought. While I have not met of these regulars outside of our workout, that hour just a couple of times per week is social. I am able to be with people I recognize, catch up with them on their lives, and build new relationships.

I am still trying to find a church. However, just picking a service and getting up, dressing up, and being around people has been huge. In fact, I would argue that living alone during the week is much easier than the weekend. On the weekend there seems to be more free time, which equals more time spent alone. Never underestimate the power of just being around others, especially ones with beautiful smiles and warm, "Good morning!" welcomes.

WRITE LETTERS.

I started writing letters to my grandma and best friend who lived out of state. It was not always easy to communicate throughout a busy week, but taking the time to write to someone who really knows me is fun. We write to each other almost every week. Not only that, but I love opening a full mailbox!

PICK UP THE PHONE AND CALL.

FaceTime is not always easy or possible. However, calling is! I call my grandma everyday and often chat over the phone with my parents and siblings as well. Family is great, but calling *anyone* is a big help. All of those thoughts and funny work stories need to be shared! It is so important to feel known. When you're living alone, especially far away from others, a phone call can be a big blessing. I can pick up the phone and go for a walk, talk at the gym, chat in the car, or even discuss grocery choices at Kroger. Calling is so easy, and a great way to maintain communication and stay social.

Maybe living alone won't be so bad.

:)