how to get a girlfriend in middle school if you're fat

How to Get a Girlfriend in Middle School if You’re Fat: A Guide to Confidence, Connection & Self-Worth

Entering middle school is like stepping into a new world—a world of changing friendships, new responsibilities, and budding feelings. If you're feeling left out, especially because of your body size, you're not alone.

Many students struggle with self-image and confidence. But here's the truth: being fat doesn't make you less worthy of love, friendship, or respect.

This guide—written with insights from professionals, real student experiences, and proven psychological principles—is here to help you navigate middle school relationships with confidence and kindness.

Understanding the Real Challenge: It’s Not Just About Size

“Kids who feel different often internalize negative messages from society, but relationships at that age are more about personality and connection than appearance.”

— Dr. Carla Schuman, Child Psychologist, Child Mind Institute

While weight may feel like a barrier, what truly draws people—friends or potential girlfriends—is how you treat yourself and others.

If you believe you're not good enough, it shows. But if you believe you're worthy of love and friendship (because you are), others will start to see it too.

Building Confidence: The First Step in Any Relationship

Confidence isn’t about pretending to be someone you're not. It’s about understanding your worth, embracing your strengths, and working on your weaknesses without shame.

Here are ways to boost your self-confidence:

Focus on what you like about yourself – Are you funny? Loyal? Good at helping others? Those are attractive qualities.

Practice positive self-talk – Instead of saying, “No one would like me,” say, “I have things to offer, and the right people will see that.”

Develop your interests – Join clubs, explore hobbies, and do things that make you feel good about yourself.

Dress in a way that makes you feel comfortable and clean – Not for others, but for you. Self-care is a sign of self-respect.

“When I stopped trying to hide and started talking about stuff I love—like coding and anime—I found a group of friends who got me. That’s when I met someone who liked me too.”

— Ayaan, 13

Making Friends First: The Foundation of Healthy Relationships

Romantic relationships in middle school often grow out of friendship. If you're isolated, focus on making friends first.

Try this:

Sit near others who seem friendly in class or lunch.

Compliment someone on something specific: “Hey, that drawing’s really good,” or “You’re great at math.”

Ask questions like, “What games do you play?” or “Have you seen thatshow?”

Friendships help you learn how to communicate, build trust, and show your personality—all things important in dating too.

What Girls Actually Like: It’s Not All About Looks

Pop culture might tell you that looking a certain way is everything—but middle schoolers are usually more interested in how you make them feel.

“I thought I had to be skinny and cool to be liked. But my crush turned out to like that I made her laugh and helped her study.”

— Miguel, 12

Girls (and people in general) often like someone who is:

Respectful and kind

Funny or interesting to talk to

Emotionally supportive

Confident without being arrogant

How to Show You Like Someone (Without Being Creepy)

If there’s someone you like, it’s normal to feel nervous. But respectful communication is key.

Here’s how to approach it:

Start by talking casually – About class, shared interests, or something funny.

Get to know them as a person – Be curious and genuine.

Look for signs they’re interested too – Smiling, wanting to talk to you more, asking you questions.

Be respectful and honest – “Hey, I think you’re cool. Do you want to hang out sometime?”

“One kid just started talking to me every day, and we became friends. Later, he asked if I wanted to sit with him and his friends at lunch. I liked that he wasn’t pushy.”

— Sara, 13

Handling Rejection Gracefully

Let’s be real—sometimes, the person you like won’t feel the same way. That hurts. But rejection is part of life, and how you handle it makes a big difference.

Stay respectful – Don’t lash out or make it awkward.

Don’t take it personally – Their preferences aren’t a judgment on your worth.

Focus on what’s next – More opportunities, more friends, more time to grow.

“When I was rejected, it stung. But she said I was a nice guy, just not her type. I respected that and moved on. We’re still friends, and I learned I didn’t have to change myself.”

— Devin, 14

Online vs. Real-Life Interactions

Today, relationships often start through messaging or social media. But even online, your personality, kindness, and confidence matter most.

Don’t rely only on filters or fake images.

Be respectful in messages—no spamming, no pressure.

If someone likes you online, they should also appreciate the real-life you.

Body Positivity Isn’t Just a Buzzword—It’s a Mindset

“Children of all body types deserve love, support, and connection. Encouraging acceptance helps them thrive socially and emotionally.”

— Dr. Linda Thompson, Licensed Family Therapist

You are not defined by your size. Being fat doesn’t make you less valuable, less lovable, or less capable of finding someone who likes you for who you are.

In fact, when you own who you are, others begin to admire your strength, humor, and authenticity.

Real Talk: What Not to Do

Don’t insult yourself out loud – It makes others uncomfortable and reinforces insecurity.

Don’t obsess over one person – If they’re not interested, move on respectfully.

Don’t be fake or overly agreeable – You’re allowed to have your own thoughts and likes.

Takeaway Tips: What Actually Works

Here’s a quick summary of what can help you find a girlfriend—or simply stronger relationships—in middle school:

✅ Believe in your worth.

Confidence starts with how you see yourself.

✅ Build friendships first.

Social connections lay the foundation for romance.

✅ Be respectful and real.

Kindness and honesty are more attractive than looks alone.

✅ Learn to communicate.

Talk, listen, ask questions—don’t try to impress, try to connect.

✅ Accept rejection and keep growing.

Every “no” is just part of the journey to a better “yes.”

✅ Love who you are—right now.

You don’t need to change your body to deserve love. Just take care of yourself and let your personality shine.

Final Thoughts

You’re in middle school—a time of massive growth, discovery, and awkwardness (for everyone, not just you). Wanting to be liked or find a girlfriend is totally normal. But the key isn’t changing how you look—it’s growing into who you are. Be kind. Be real. Be brave. The right people will see the real you, and that’s who they’ll want to know.

And if you ever feel stuck or overwhelmed, talk to a trusted adult, schoolcounselor, or mental health professional. Support is out there—and you deserve it.

About the Author:

Michael B. Norris is a youth development specialist with over 15 years of experience in adolescent psychology, self-esteem education, and peer relationship counseling. He has worked with schools nationwide to promote healthy social development among middle school students