How To Deal with Betrayal

As we grow older in life, we go through different experiences and face many obstacles. It’s a part of growing up, and that’s what you've been told your entire life. But the one thing no one could ever prepare you for or teach you how to deal with is betrayal. It’s not something you can watch a “how to” video on or something easy to ask someone about. Because when you become betrayed, you feel ashamed. You are embarrassed that this happened to you and you think to yourself, “Am I really that stupid? How could I think that they actually cared about me? I’m an idiot.” Believe it or not, you aren’t an idiot. And I’ve learned that through my own personal experiences. And I’m here to help you get though this.

Now I’m not gonna start with a step by step handbook, I want this to be personal. Think of me as a friend sending you a text. When you break up with someone or lose a friend, you’ll feel like it’s your fault. Here’s a personal story of mine and how I dealt with it. Maybe you can take some tips from my story and even some more after this.

The summer of 2017. I was visiting some family and friends who live out of state for about a month that summer. During that time I had a wonderful boyfriend. We didn’t have any problems, I was the happiest I had been in a long time. We FaceTimed every night it seemed for hours on end.

The next morning, he texts me and tells me that my cousin texted him and sent me a screenshot, that was definitely not my cousin's number, it was my father’s. My cousin had given my dad my boyfriend’s phone number and was texting him trying to see if he would flirt back. I call my cousin furiously multiple times but I get no response. I send multiple texts and still nothing. By this point I am FUMING and I go to my grandmother's room and told her what happened. She said to try again in the morning.

The following morning, I wake up less angry, but still pretty mad. I go on with my day and decide to forget about it for a few hours. Besides, I’m here to have fun and be away from stress, not find more. As the day goes on I haven’t spoken to my cousin. Then two days go by. Three four, a week, two weeks. Finally my cousin texts me and tells me that she is only trying to protect me. Which in the way she went about it was completely inappropriate and unnecessary. I tell her that she should have minded her own business and just come to me instead of going and betraying me that way. She starts trying to blackmail me and calls me names. I respectfully tell her I am done speaking with her.

I took the easy way out by doing the most appropriate and adult like thing to do, I spoke in a very respectful way with out yelling and didn’t call names. I simply blocked her. Two months had gone by and we hadn’t spoke. And I was stress free once again.

Now it may not be as easy for you to simply block someone. Especially family, but even they can turn on you in a split second. But I’m not here to tell you all the bad things and tell you not to trust anyone. In fact I’m doing the opposite. It was good that my cousin did this in a way, yes did it hurt and I felt betrayed, but as the third month went on, she finally apologized, which was something she would not have done three months prior.

I FaceTimed her and we talked it out, I explained how I felt and she explained why she did what she did. I understood and accepted her apology, things didn’t get back to the way they used to be overnight though. It took a few months for me to be able to trust her again and be comfortable. Now we are closer than ever.

For me, it got better in the end and now we respect each other more. What I’m telling you to do is yes, you may not want to talk to this person who hurt you ever again and that’s normal. Do that for how ever long you feel is long enough. Then ask to see them and to talk to them, to talk things out. Understand why they did what they did. It may not work out like it did for me, but if you put in the effort to forgive, you may just mend that relationship.

And if you are reading this and you have betrayed someone or feel that you might have, reach out and apologize. They may not answer you right away or even not at all, but it’s the effort put in that counts. Everyone has flaws and no single person has ever not been wrong.

This is to you, the forgivers. Forgive yourself for what happened. Forgive the betrayer, forgive their mistake, no you don’t have to forget but that is what makes you stronger. Remembering. Remembering is good because you will become wiser from this situation and wiser to signs of betrayal before it even happens. Don’t forgive and forget, forgive and learn.