How to Accept Rejection Without Pain

- Thanks, but you're not the right candidate.

- I'm fine, but I don't love you. Let's stay friends.

- The visa application was rejected.

"I have no rest for this banknote."

Throughout our lives, each of us faces a myriad of rejections. However, some people are anxious when they have to take their hearts in their teeth to act out of fear of being rejected.

Few people manage to receive a clear rejection. Sometimes we keep the bitter taste of moments when we didn't get what we wanted: when we weren't chosen in a team in the schoolyard because a friend didn't lend us money, the phone didn't come. after the job interview or even the fact that

I was the only one in the group who was not invited to a party. We have people around us who tell us with an indulgent smile, "Why do you care about this nonsense?" But their ease disappears when the same thing happens to them.

Why does our refusal affect us so much? Because somewhere in the unconscious we appear as a signal that we are not valuable or attractive enough.

We often think that if someone was in our place, someone else would get it. And this unpleasantly disturbs us, because over time we inevitably see that our well-being often depends on others, whether we are teachers or bosses, school or work colleagues, or those we fall in love with.

Looks like we should get used to the refusals. But these hurt us again and again, erode our self-confidence, and indicate to the perfectionist and critic within us that we are not ideal.

Some are paralyzed by a refusal - I'd better do nothing but hear the terrible "NO". Others, on the other hand, enthusiastically start everything new and work hard to complete it.

What do we need to know about refusals so that they do not hurt us and block us?

People do not deny you, but themselves

People often refuse, not because they are good enough, but because they are "not good enough."

For example, a refusal may be motivated by self-doubt, fear, worry, bad mood, disappointment, or difficulty. Of course, there is a much deeper reason behind the latter, but the cause is hidden in the one who refuses. Don't take everything for granted.

It's important to learn to say "no"

The ability to accept rejections is directly related to the ability to reject others. Take this first step, how to say "no" so you don't look stern I wrote here.

When you learn to set your limits (you will have to reject others repeatedly), it will be easier to respect the boundaries of others.

An argumentative refusal is super

It is unpleasant to be rejected harshly and without argument. But if you have been told what you need to hear a firm "yes" next time, then you must be grateful.

An argumentative refusal will contribute to your improvement, will help you become stronger, to develop your strengths. Then you will know what you have to do to be guaranteed success, that's what we all dream about, right?

The refusal is not as terrible as his expectation

The rejection lasts a moment. Much more anxiety brings into our lives not the actual refusal, but the moments of suspense that precede it.

By the way, something bad doesn't always happen. Often the fears are in vain and instead of "no" we hear a "yes". It's just that sometimes we grind so much before we hear the affirmative answer that we are no longer happy with this "yes" or the possibilities that open up to us.

So, be optimistic and you will get positive results. In this case, even if you are rejected, you will easily get over this less pleasant moment.

You may develop tolerance and resistance to rejection

The more denials a person has in life, the more immune he is to them. But this only works if you have consciously decided to work on your reactions - keep in mind that people do not reject you, but themselves.

If you do not have a conscious approach, then the refusals that come one after the other will shatter the remnants of your self-confidence.

When one door closes, another opens. This could be very close. All you have to do is stop knocking on the closed door, look around and enter the one that opens in front of you.

Never despair, try to think positively and your luck will smile.