How Is Love Born?

Many of us are convinced that love is an extremely rare thing and that we need to align the stars to find a soul mate or at least a suitable partner. But what is love? It is a deep connection between two people, based on physical attraction, but also knowledge, intimacy, trust, and compatibility. In the absence of the latter, love remains a burning flame of desire that burns quickly and leaves nothing in place…

Psychologists have studied the phenomenon of love over time, interested in the mechanisms behind the birth of feeling, but also behind the building and maintaining a lasting and satisfying relationship. They noticed that there are different types of love, and the one that leads to building a strong couple is not the passionate one, but the compassionate one, in which the partners are good friends.

Even more, interestingly, some researchers have tried to stimulate, to stimulate the birth of the feeling of love through various experiments and tests. One of them belongs to Arthur Aron, a psychologist at New York State University. In 1997, he created a set of questions that, in three parts, involved increasingly intimate and personal details.

The experiment was carried out as follows: couples (male and female) were chosen who did not know each other at all, but who shared some basic beliefs (the same religious, political beliefs, the same general principles); they were seated at a table and asked to read their questions one by one and answer honestly.

The outcome? In less than an hour, the participants stated that the newly built relationship was for them one of the most intimate they had ever had! Many remained good friends, some became couples. Explication? They have shared personal details that you generally do not address in conversations even with friends; having to be honest, vulnerable, they also felt that they had to trust each other. Both gave intimate details and thus a connection was created that felt to be deep and real.

This set of questions is actually about creating a relationship and thus forging a relationship - be it friendship or romance (depending on the compatibility between the two, who can be friends or in love).

Try this test either if you want to lay the foundations of a close relationship, or if you want to deepen a relationship you already have with someone (again, it can be pure friendship or love).

Below is an adaptation of the set of questions (you can find them in the original online, look for the study Arthur Aron, Society for Personality and Social Psychology, 1997) - 1st:

• If you could invite anyone in the world to the table, who would you choose?
• Would you like to be famous? For what?
• Have you ever tended to practice what you are about to say before calling someone? Why?
• How would you describe the perfect day for you?
• When was the last time you sang alone? But in front of someone?
• If you had a choice between 1) being 90 years old and the mind of a 30-year-old person; and 2) the age of 90 and the body of a 30-year-old person you choose?
• Do you have any idea how you are going to die?
• Find 3 things you think you have in common with the one in front of you.
• What do you feel most grateful for?
• What would you change about how you were raised?
• Tell your life in 4 minutes.
• If you had the chance to acquire any quality or ability, what would you like?

2nd:

• If you had a crystal ball that could tell you anything about your life and future, what would you like to know first?
• What have you dreamed of doing for a long time and still haven't succeeded? For what reasons?
• What is your greatest achievement?
• What do you value most in a friendship?
• What is your most precious memory?
• What is your worst memory?
• If you knew for sure that you had another year to live, what would you change in your life?
• What role does love play in your life?
• List 5 qualities that the person in front of you has.
• How close are your family members? 
• How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
• How do you feel about your relationship with your father?

3rd:

• Say 3 sentences that start with "we are both / do/believe".
• Complete the sentence: "I would like to have someone to share with…".
• What important thing should someone with whom you have a relationship know about you?
• Share an embarrassing and embarrassing moment in your life.
• When was the last time you cried with someone?
• When and why did you last cry alone?
• What do you not agree to joke about?
• If you were to die tonight, what would you regret not telling someone and why you didn't tell them?
• Your house is on fire; save family members and animals and there is still time to get one thing out of the house; what would you save
• Whose death would be the most painful for you?
• Look at the person in front of you and say what you like most about him/her at the moment.
• Tell the person in front of you about a problem you are currently facing and ask him or her for advice on what you should do.