How important is it to marry an emotionally stable man?

Key words: irritable personality, dare not get married

Q: I have been following Kai For a long time. I would like to ask you a question:

I have been dating a boyfriend for five years. Both of us graduated from bachelor's degree. Currently, he earns about 7K and I earn 6K.

He had a bad temper. He'd break things, hit himself, yell at me.

To the back of the two times I split hands he slowly get rid of, back to me, I don't know whether he is hiding or really get rid of.

Now I'm 25 and he's 27 and thinking about marriage.

But another blow is that his original family has a single parent, so he is unable to buy a house or car for him now. I accept to pay the loan together, but it will take two years to get the down payment, so I don't know whether I should insist.

I am so worried about my future now, I don't know what I should do.

I want to see if CAM can give me some advice or direction.

 

A: Hello, girl. Thank you for your attention.

I will tell you your problem in two parts, one is about the house, the other is about whether the bad-tempered boyfriend can get married.

Let's talk about buying a house first.

You and he are unable to buy a house due to their current income. In my opinion, this is not the main factor that affects the development of your relationship.

Because you are still young, with the current housing price for any young people to rely on their own to buy a house will be more difficult, two people really want to be together, renting can be very good.

As long as we are of one mind and work together, what we don't have now, we will have in the future.

And in fact around us, if you look carefully, you will have many people who have not bought a house, married and had children as well.

After all, our happiness depends not on having a house, but on your determination to form one.

A house doesn't have to be a home, and a home doesn't have to be a house with both of your names on it.

In my opinion, home is where there is love, I wonder if you agree?

The real question is, you have only worked for a few years. With the current housing price of more than one million yuan, how can young people afford to buy an apartment?

If a house really means that much to a young girl, then you have only two options:

O1, family background is good, and the family is willing to give you money to buy a house object.

O2, there is a certain amount of accumulation, older objects.

Therefore, if you are too obsessed with marriage and have a house, if the family can not support it, it is quite like shooting yourself in the foot, which will only make you unhappy. If it is a girl, take the house to force the object, he really can not take it out, and finally you have only one way to break up.

So you have to think, is this really what you want?

Therefore, I also hope that we young people do not pay too much attention to the house. Whether we are of one mind and willing to work together determines whether we can stay together for a long time in the future and whether we can live a better life in the future.

Let's move on to the second question, which is the one you should be considering whether to continue with him, and that is his character.

You said he had a very bad personality, that he would drop things, hit himself, and yell at you, which means he was a very unstable person.

Not only unstable, but he should also be a self-abased, sensitive and paranoid person.

This character was formed from his family of origin, his entire upbringing.

That is to say, this is the result of more than 20 years of shaping. It is not easy for him to change the changes brought by such a long time in a few months.

I don't know if you've heard of the iceberg theory, but you see only a small part of a person, and a large part is hidden under the surface of the water.

In other words, what you see is a temper tantrum, and underneath that temper may be his inferiority complex, fear, vulnerability, insecurity, paranoia, etc.

Here I also share with you the reasons for being grumpy:

O1, not loved

In the process of growing up, this person was often beaten, scolded and criticized by his parents. He did not get enough care and was wronged too much, resulting in excessive depression of his personality.

This will make him sensitive and very angry, so the slightest thing can make him angry.

Judging from this, his parents are probably not very good.

O2, no bosom

Narrow-minded, low vision, too much ego, not tolerant enough.

O3. Poor ability

Work, life is not satisfactory, they do not have the ability to deal with, so the dissatisfaction is vented to others.

So where does this personality trait lead?

O1. Strong desire to control

Because he has low self-esteem, and it's important for a person with low self-esteem to be in control of everything.

O2, pass the buck

It's clearly his fault, but he will shift the blame to you, find your cause, and let you bear the consequences.

O3. Used to overpower each other

Like throwing things, hitting myself, yelling at you, trying to suppress your behavior. These extreme ways to force you to compromise.

O4. Easy to make irrational decisions

Once emotionally unstable people encounter emotional fluctuations, it is difficult to calm down to analyze the cause and effect of things and right and wrong, they will only rely on their own emotions to make decisions, rather than make judgments based on results.

O5. They are prone to violence

An irritable person can be very difficult to get along with. When he is unable to control his emotions, or when the other person's behavior irritates him, he is prone to use violence to deal with his emotions.

You asked me to give you some advice. Actually, it is difficult for others to give advice about what kind of partner one should choose, because there is no one to help you choose.

But my above analysis you can refer to below, I can only say with you, continue to be together with this boyfriend, the risk that may want to bear will be bigger, you want to make a decision again after careful evaluation by yourself!

I don't know what advice you would give her after reading this case, but feel free to share your thoughts and opinions in the comments section below.