How I Learned to Love Myself After Years of Doubt

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been my own harshest critic.

I grew up believing that love was something I had to earn — through achievements, through pleasing others, through perfection. I thought that if I just looked a certain way, acted a certain way, succeeded in the "right" ways, then maybe, just maybe, I would finally feel worthy.

But no matter how many milestones I reached, the doubt never left me.

It started subtly in childhood — the comparisons in the schoolyard, the quiet feeling that I wasn’t as smart, pretty, or interesting as everyone else. Over time, it grew louder. By my teenage years, that inner voice had transformed into a relentless echo, constantly reminding me I wasn’t good enough.

“You’re not thin enough.”

“You’re not talented enough.”

“You’re not lovable enough.”

I carried that weight into adulthood like an invisible backpack — heavy, exhausting, and impossible to put down.

From relationships to careers, I walked through life always second-guessing myself. In romantic relationships, I accepted less than I deserved because I believed that was all I was worth. At work, I hesitated to speak up, doubting whether my ideas were good enough. I lived in the shadows of my own potential.

But here’s the truth: living that way isn’t really living. It’s surviving. And eventually, even survival starts to wear thin.

For me, that breaking point came one quiet evening, sitting alone in my apartment after yet another disappointing breakup. I stared at my reflection in the darkened window and thought, “I can’t keep doing this.”

It wasn’t the breakup itself that shattered me — it was the realization that I had abandoned myself long before anyone else ever could.

That moment was my wake-up call.

I decided that night that I was done living at war with myself. I didn’t know exactly how to love myself, but I knew I had to try — for my peace, for my happiness, for my life.

The journey wasn’t easy, and it definitely wasn’t instant. But it was worth every step.

I started by rewriting the narrative in my mind. Every time that cruel inner voice whispered, “You’re not enough,” I challenged it. I replaced criticism with curiosity. Instead of asking, “What’s wrong with me?” I asked, “Where did that belief come from? Is it really true?”

Often, I discovered those doubts weren’t even mine — they were seeds planted by other people’s opinions, societal pressures, and unrealistic standards.

Next, I treated myself with the same kindness I so freely gave others. I stopped tearing myself apart in front of the mirror. I spoke to myself as I would a friend — with patience, understanding, and forgiveness.

I also learned the power of boundaries. Loving myself meant saying no to people and situations that drained me, even when it was uncomfortable. It meant walking away from toxic relationships and environments that made me feel small.

Self-love also looked like celebrating my smallest wins — getting out of bed on tough days, choosing nourishing food, showing up for therapy, reading books that fed my soul, journaling through my pain.

Bit by bit, I rebuilt the foundation of how I saw myself.

And you know what happened? The world didn’t magically change. But I did. And that made all the difference.

I still have moments of doubt — I’m human, after all. But they no longer control me. They no longer define me. I’ve learned to see myself as worthy, not because of what I achieve or how I look, but simply because I exist.

I’ve discovered that self-love isn’t selfish — it’s survival. It’s strength. It’s the foundation from which everything else grows.

Moral of the Story:

Loving yourself after years of doubt isn’t easy, but it’s the most powerful gift you can give yourself. You are worthy — not because of what you do, but because of who you are. The journey to self-love is messy, imperfect, and ongoing, but it is always, always worth it.

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Thank you for reading...

Regards: Fazal Hadi