How a real man apologizes?

The inability to admit that you are wrong, to apologize can completely ruin any kind of relationship - both working and friendly, kindred, loving.

Develop a truly masculine trait in yourself - to teach you to apologize if you are guilty.

Why Men Don't Apologize

It cannot be said that all men are boulders that do not have feelings and emotions, empathy. But they often find it difficult to apologize, even if they have offended the person very much. Why is this happening? What prevents you from pronouncing such simple short words?

Pride

Yes, yes, it is she who is the root cause of this behavior. The point is that to say “Sorry” is the same as admitting that you are wrong, guilty. This is extremely difficult for a man. A priori, he is always right.

It's hard to admit, even to yourself, that you really made a mistake, adjusted, screwed up. And then the “protector” - pride - enters the arena. She immediately soothes - "This is not worthy of your attention, do not humiliate yourself, do not admit under torture that you are wrong."

Embarrassment

It would seem that this is the lot of the beautiful half of humanity (not men, women), but no. You screwed up in full, royally, you did some really stupid act. I didn't think with my head before doing something.

The feeling that you are an idiot and it grows more and more, it becomes uncomfortable. And again one more "comrade" comes to the rescue - embarrassment. It's much easier to pretend nothing happened, right? The snowflake mode, covered with slight embarrassment, is a great option not to say two simple words.

Anger

You fell out with someone who is as much to blame for this situation as you. It turns out that the fault lies not only with you, but also with your opponent. You were hooked with an unpleasant word, you answered the same.

A feeling of resentment arises. And then anger appears. It completely obscures your eyes, you have anger and aggression towards the one who insulted. What an apology ?! And whoever remembers what exactly you said may have hurt you very much with a word. Righteous anger completely blocked the ability to analyze.

Humility

What is humility? In fact, it is an antidote to the above feelings. Anger, embarrassment, pride appear when you are not able to look at yourself from the outside and put yourself in the place of an offended person. You need to come to terms, but not with the fact that you should not apologize (and so it will go for a ride), but with the fact that you are imperfect and like a real man, you always remember this.

When an apology is appropriate

There are many different situations, and it is necessary to clearly define in which apologies are needed and in which they are inappropriate. Let's consider the main options.

The fault is yours, but not all

There are men who will never apologize if they are not 1000000% sure of their guilt. Their first words - "Yes, it's not my fault!".

Such a man is never to blame for throwing away an important document. Nobody told him that this should not be done! He is not at all guilty of yelling at the girl - but what was she listening to, what is he talking about with friends?

It is important to realize that there are practically no situations where only one person is guilty. You should always consider them from all sides, and not be biased.

For example, your girlfriend lost her temper and shouted a lot of unpleasant words at you, for no reason (well, you thought so). However, she is not at all a bitch and a shrew.

Look at the situation in 3D - all week you did not devote time to her, did not answer calls on time, and she was wildly worried if something had happened. Yes, you were busy, worked, but what prevented you from writing the message "Everything is all right"?

Of course, she is also wrong that she succumbed to negative emotions, but in any case, the ratio of guilt here is distributed according to the formula 99 to 1. This 1% is your fault. Work on yourself, realize that you have become a provocateur of the girl's breakdown.

You also don’t need to live by the principle of seeking evidence of guilt or innocence. It doesn't always matter that you are right on your side. Answer yourself to the question: "Would you like to exchange for the correctness of the relationship?". To offend someone just to stay right.

Of course, it's nice when you are everywhere and in everything, but what then, when you need support, hugs, attention? Are you ready to trade your own righteousness for a relationship?

Of course, you don't need to look for problems and take the blame on yourself, apologize with or without. But there are always situations in which you could really do better.

As soon as you apologize for some small thing, the interlocutor will immediately think about his actions. It is a chain reaction aimed at improving relationships.

Not caught - wasn't it?

Do you remember how as a child you broke your grandmother's favorite cup while no one saw it, and "made your legs"? You fled in the hope that no one would suspect you of wrongdoing, no one would be punished.

This is what children do. But real men behave differently. They definitely know how to admit wrong and mistakes, and apologize for them.

Speed ​​matters

You offended the person and determined for yourself that you did it undeservedly. Sorry as soon as possible - don't delay. The more time passes from the moment of the insult, the longer both you and the person will talk about the situation.

It will be extremely difficult to take a step towards an apology, very soon the situation will become awkward and then an apology may be inappropriate. Strike while the iron is hot. Apply the Russian proverb in life, it will not let you down.

When an apology is not appropriate

There are situations in which you really shouldn't apologize. Consider them so you don't get trapped.

Defending your own opinion

You entered into a debate with an opponent and at the same time defended your own beliefs. At the same time, you did not even pay attention to the rules of decency, crossed the boundaries of what was permissible and insulted a person as a person. This behavior is the behavior of a 100% asshole.

But if the conversation was held in a respectful tone, you argued your beliefs, defended your position, while the opponent was offended only by the fact that he did not agree with your opinion. In this case, there is no need to apologize.

Justifying other people's expectations

You never need to adjust to other people's expectations. Let us explain - the girl sincerely expects that you will spend with her all the time, around the clock. If you do not do this, resentment, quarrels, conflicts come into play. The girl shows pure selfishness - what kind of apology can we talk about?

Just in case I apologize for everything

There are men who constantly apologize, for everything, whatever it is, they are guilty, not guilty - you constantly hear "Sorry" from them. They apologize for shortcomings, for situations, but for anything!

All have long since scored on them, and they continue the Song of the prophetic Oleg ... Such behavior is not an indicator of masculinity. You will no longer be taken seriously, you will become the subject of jokes and ridicule.

How to apologize

You analyzed your behavior and came to the conclusion that you need to apologize. Learn how to do it right.

Can't you tell? Write!

Sometimes a person sincerely wants to apologize, but embarrassment or pride does not allow him to utter two cherished words. In such a situation, it is better to do something than nothing at all. Of course, it is better to apologize in person, but if you cannot do this, then write a note, letter, chat message.

Sometimes this option is the best - there are no unnecessary emotions, which means that the probable possibility of provoking a new quarrel by clinging to a word is excluded.

Appropriate jokes

Self-irony is a great way to relieve stress. Joke, if it's really appropriate, apologize in a funny way. Of course, such advice is definitely not appropriate in a situation where you cheated on a girl - what kind of jokes are there?

Sincerity

A basic rule of thumb for how to apologize. If you really don't see your guilt, it's better not to say anything at all than apologize insincerely. Initially, the opponent is offended by your words, but then your insincerity will be added to this.

Take responsibility

If you've made the decision to apologize, don't make reservations. There should not be a "but" in your speech. A real man either takes all the blame or not. The option "I'm sorry, I'm wrong, but you ..." - just should be excluded.

Demonstrate awareness and understanding of your guilt

The person to whom you want to apologize must see that you really realized and understood your guilt. It is important for him to know that you have thought of everything, understood the situations in which you are wrong, fully understand the consequences of actions. No one is interested in hearing an apology from a person who does not understand what his fault is.

Compensate for the damage

It's very important not to forget the key part of the apology. You say that you are wrong and regret your deed. At the same time, offer the person compensation for damage - ask how you can fix the situation. Did you break your phone? Ask whether to give money for repairs or partially for a purchase?

Commit to fix

I promise and promise - two completely different words in meaning. You need to understand the difference between them. When you say, “I pledge not to allow this,” you show that you really understand the guilt, realize and try to prevent it in the future. But we are all living people, anything can happen.

If you make a promise, then you must keep it, otherwise no one will believe your words anymore. Not 100% sure? Don't promise, commit.

Confirm with deeds

Words don't always carry a lot of weight. You apologized - well done. But confirm your intentions with actions. Behave in such a way that the person understands that your remorse is sincere.

Go further

You've already apologized to the person you offended. There is no need to do this again, and again. With this position, you show the other side that you are always to blame, and she is right. Deep down, a person will stop respecting you. Apologized - words accepted? Move on, don't dwell on the situation.