Him

Another sleepless night almost conquered thought Kamali. She was trying to be stoic as she lay limp in the violent tangle of covers, sweaty and irritable. “This is so effing absurd.” she said to no one. She didn’t like to swear much - even to the empty air. The sentiment behind it was generally enough.

It had been a month since the funeral. Her best damned friend. Thelma to her Louise. He would have liked that she thought. A grim smile skirted her lips and was gone just as quickly. This unimaginable suffocating pain was new to her. She had no idea what to do with it. She guessed this was what she got. After all, she had allowed herself to love him fully, completely. A relationship so pure - like children really, with joyous abandon. Two peas in a pod openly jealous of anyone else stealing the other’s attention, and fiercely protective. He made her feel invincible. With his support anything was possible. No adventure was too crazy and no goal unattainable. She had belonged to him. She was her full silly, singing, ham of a self. She didn’t sing in front of other people. Just him. But he loved her unapologetically. It made her bold.

She hadn’t really ever had a relationship this delicious before but it makes sense that it was with a boy. She always did get along with boys better than girls. She didn’t understand all the games girls played and why they were so openly emotional. She thought it all rather weak and silly. Although she would never say it to the female folk her age. They’d lose it and she really didn’t care to see that or be responsible for it. She was also fine with the fact that they did not understand or care for her. Too real. Like the Velveteen rabbit she thought, a little too highly of herself. Maybe a bit shabby in their fashion conscious eyes but free to be herself in her way.

None of it mattered when she was with Chris. She hadn’t meant to love him so much but she had no choice. Her reserved nature went out the window when he was around. Neither of them could do any wrong. Mistakes were belly laughed at and secrets were kept. He taught her that she wasn’t broken or unlovable. She was more than enough. Now he was gone. Where did that leave her?

Just as she started to descend into the pit of despair she heard something that sounded like she felt. The sound startled her out of her wallowing and quickened her pulse. “Wha …?” she whispered. Her eyes quickly scanned the room. Nothing. She was beginning to think her mind was playing tricks on her. Being sleep deprived and half starved by this point, that might not be too far off. Then the ragged screech came again. It was more insistent this time if that was possible. She was afraid to look but took a breath and pulled back the curtain to the terrace anyway. She didn’t see anything. It was just before dawn, she estimated. Had to be. Night couldn’t last forever.

As she turned back, about to plop down on the bed the sound came again. It was deafening and extremely unpleasant yet she was drawn to it. She covered her ears and stepped into the cacophony. “I must be dreaming” she thought. Dogs would be barking. The whole neighborhood would be awake. As she scanned the yard and trees she saw it. A barn owl in the dead elm across the yard. It stopped calling her. They stared at each other. There was something familiar about it. “Well?” she thought. “You’re not even cute like the snowy kind or have the yellow eyes like the wise kind”. The owl flew at her silently. “Nope!” she said and darted back inside. The owl landed on the terrace ledge opposite the door and screeched it’s loudest yet. Kamali peeked outside. The owl spread its wings and hopped side to side shrieking for her attention. Kamali balked. Emboldened by the protection of the door between them, she said “What are you going to do? Take me out through the door?” Having gained her attention, the owl became still and once more they locked eyes. This time Kamali also became oddly calm.

Staring into the owl’s eyes she was soon seeing the most vivid colors; they were so intense she could almost hear them. Then a series of mirrors - images upon images of herself, then rapid-fire - Milan, Cairo, The Maldives. Parasailing, skydiving and finally Victoria Falls. She watched the falls for a time savoring the sheer majesty of this place. She could even feel the mist on her face. The roar of the water beckoned to her. It was beautiful. It would all be over she thought. I could just step into that natural wonder and what an exit! The thought of the falls enveloping her, of being swept up and pain free was too much. Eyes shining, she stepped toward the cliff's edge and Chris’ voice came out of the falls simply saying “Go be great.”

Kamali collapsed and curled into the fetal position. She wept as she had not since he’d left. When she finally came up for air, the owl was gone, her strength was renewed and dawn was breaking.