Hidden Truths

I stared down at the dirt. The many emotions felt like a hurricane inside of me and I just wished it would calm down. My brother was too young to die at only 27 years old. The police said he was shot and everything was still under investigation. I couldn't understand how there was a person evil enough to shoot Daniel. He was the kindest most loving person I had ever known.

After the funeral, I just stared at the grave as if some answer would come. The tears that blurred my vision prevented me from seeing the person approaching me. As the person got closer, I realized it was my mom clutching a tissue in her hand.

"You left me, you left me." my mom, Marla, cried over and over.

I kneeled down at her side and grabbed her but all I could think to say was, "I know mom, I know."

The rain started to pour and the clouds were dark and billowy, almost as if the world was mourning with us.

My mom put her head on my shoulder and sobbed more saying, “Amy, what are we going to do?” There was no answer I could give her so I just stayed silent and let her continue to hug me and cry.

We were soaked from head to toe by the time we got home. The word home. It did not feel like home without Daniel. His room was still left untouched because neither of us wanted to move a thing. Removing the things from his room would make us face reality.

As I slowly walked into his room, I saw one of his shirts laying on the ground. I went to pick it up and I could still smell his scent on it. He always smelt like leather and sandalwood, probably because it was the soap he always used. I grabbed it close to my heart and wept.

I woke up two hours later when my mom told me it was time for dinner, even though neither of us wanted to eat. One of our neighbors had given us meatloaf with broccoli on the side. I was grateful for it because my mom was too weak to cook and it was the last thing I felt like doing.

The silence consumed the house. Daniel had always been the most talkative one at the table. I looked over to the left of me where he always sat expecting to see his bright smile, black curly hair, and his piercing green eyes as he told us a joke he heard at work. He worked at a construction site and the guys were always goofing around. He always brought back some kind of joke to tell at the table. I missed him so much and I looked over at my mom, knowing she was feeling the same way.

We both went to bed early, exhausted from talking to people at the funeral and our own grieving. Before I went to my bedroom, I walked back into Daniel’s room, hoping it would make me feel closer to him. He collected the most beautiful rocks on his construction site and I knew he hid them in his top drawer. I grabbed the small bag and started looking at the beautiful rocks, the different colors and sizes. To the right side was all of his mismatched socks, as he was lazy with laundry. I noticed that surrounding the mess of socks, was a little black notebook. Maybe it was a diary of some sort. Normally, I wouldn't go through his diary but he wasn't here and it would make me feel like I held on to part of his words forever. I was so happy to find it.

However, when I opened it up I was shocked at the first words: "Amy and Mom, if you are reading this I'm either gone or somehow survived, which I doubt."

My hands started shaking and I couldn't believe what I was reading. He knew something but most of all, he knew he was going to leave us. I had to keep reading even though I was in shock. I needed to know what he knew.

I slowly continued, scared what I might find out next. "I don't work in construction. I’m sorry I lied, but it was for your protection. I actually work for a secret operation and I’m a field agent. I am not allowed to tell anyone or they will come after you guys. This is what I can tell you:

I help others and that's why you see me workout all the time. I've always used the excuse that construction workers have to work out a lot.”

I had to stop for a second to process this. I couldn't believe the words that I was reading as everything started to make sense. My brother had a secret life he hid from mom and I. However, I believed what he said about him doing it to protect us.

I had to read on even though my eyes wanted to close and go to sleep after the day I had.

"The people our organization tries to stop are dangerous because they are desperate to marry someone in the United States so they can live here. They are willing to do whatever it takes, no matter who gets hurt. I intercept potentially dangerous emails from high-ranking clients that the agency believes are of risk. I find out the truth."

I couldn't even believe there was something like that out there. My life was so simple compared to what my brother was living, and I didn’t even know it. I was working at a small cupcake business which is probably one of the least dangerous jobs out there.

.

I laughed to myself for the first time in a while, probably out of shock. I really didn't know if my brother was dead or alive but I thought it would hurt me less in the long run if I assumed he was dead.

I had to continue reading for him, in case there was anything I could do to help. It was the least I could do after everything he tried to do to protect us.

"The other day, a woman said she was being threatened to marry someone and I confirmed the death threats. This man was high up in rank which I found out later. He told me to have this woman delivered, at the Sacramento airport or one of his people would kill both me and the woman. He said that if I cooperated he would give me $20,000. Obviously I didn't even think about accepting his offer. He said the money would be in locker #114 at the airport and he gave me the combination. I don't know what to do Amy or what will happen so I want you and mom to know how much I love you. I always have and always will. Please always remember my jokes, my smile, and my laughter. My only regret is that I may not be there to help you and mom with the rest of your life."

I didn't know what to do with these words. I felt like my heart was breaking all over again and my head was spinning. I buried my brother today but somehow I felt like I buried him again reading these words because I felt like I finally got the explanation and closure I needed.

I made up my mind to finally go to sleep and go to the Sacramento airport and find out what I could the next day. I wrote down the locker number and looked up how to break into the lock. It was obvious that Daniel did not include the combination because he knew I would try to check it out. As he mentioned, everything he did was to protect mom and I. However, he was right; I’ve always been a curious person. Since he was a secret operation agent, I knew I could not go to the police. Whatever agency he was a part of, they probably already knew about. I just didn’t want the police to know that I knew about it.

I got up early in the morning, anxious to get to the airport quickly. I decided I did not want to worry my mom about this right now. I enjoyed having coffee with my mom and I made sure to hug her tightly before I left. Reading Daniel’s words in the little black notebook made me appreciate my mom even more. Life is fragile.

I arrived at the Sacramento airport in record time. I looked around unrealistically hoping to see my brother or some sign of him. After a little bit of searching, I found the locker and used the information I found online to get into it. Sure enough, there was a bag in there and I guessed it was the money. I quickly grabbed it, making sure to bring no attention to myself. I ran back to my car and went to the bakery shop where I work. Conveniently, it was closed so I had the place all to myself.

There in the bag was the $20,000. It felt weird to take the money, but it made me feel closer to the work my brother did throughout his life. For once my life didn’t seem so simple, finding this money helped me feel a part of his world. Of course, the money did not even come close to compensating for my brother's life. Even though he was a hero, I still wanted him to be alive. I wished that girl knew how lucky she was. My brother saved her.

I would always miss my brother. He would not be given a medal or be seen on TV for his heroism. However, I had known the truth and it was all in the little black notebook.