Heartbreak

We fuss we fight, we argue, we make up. we agree, we disagree. All these dimensions that made us fall madly in love but led to our demise. We have fought hard for this thing called us, I feel I put in and gave more than you but this is something you will never see. We rose like a phoenix from the ashes but eventually crashed and burned right back into our pit of destruction.

We have laughed, we have cried, we have cuddled, we have agreed to be friends only. But we both know there is no point. Its impossible to be without your best friend, your lover, your whole heart. I cant see beyond the reasons you gave because I took so much more and stayed right by your side.

But here we are broken hearted and broken, I feel like I have left half of me in the relationship, I feel like half of me is missing that I will never get back. I promised myself I would never allow anyone to get that close to me but you broke down every single wall, you became everything I ever wanted and needed and more. Our bond was unquestionable and everyone could see. But look at us now, both miserable, both unhappy, both moving on but stuck; we talk everyday or not at all, we miss each other but wont admit it.

I've told you I'm still in love with you but for you I guess its easier, more simple and straight forward; for me its one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life to be apart from you, mentally, physically and emotionally. I guess we will never know how amazing we could have been or what future we could have had together and eventually our paths will separate to where they were before we set eyes on each other.

I wonder, how long you will remember me, remember us, think of me, think of us, as of right now I cant think of anything but you. I know its heartbreak, the real heart break, the type of hurt that makes you not eat and not sleep, not function or focus. I guess I need to find an outlet to express my feelings truly so I can begin to rebuild myself and my life. I wont ever forget the person who I loved the most and who in turn caused the biggest heart break imaginable.

People will say there are more important things in the world and I agree there are but I know this pain I feel is bad and its very real to me. Move on they will say, you can find another, how can I move on when I feel stuck. I know that having what you want sometimes is not always possible.

I did try to be the best I could for you but I guess my best was not good enough, I am happy I always stuck by you and what is left of my heart is pure, what more can I say. I hope someday we can both see things clearer.