Happy Asexual Awareness Week!

Since 2010, the last full week of October (25th-31st) has been considered Asexual awareness week. To me, a newly discovered asexual, this is really exciting and encouraging. All my life I have noticed that I was different from my peers and fellow teens, now as a young adult I have the terminology for this difference. I have discovered that I am graysexual, which is a sub-label underneath the umbrella that is asexuality.

“What is asexuality?” is what you might be currently wondering. Asexuality is and I quote, “A person who has no sexual feelings or desires, or who is not sexually attracted to anyone.”. You know that feeling, when you see a gorgeous human being, either on the street or maybe a celeb online, and you think, “I am so attracted to them, and I definitely wish I could have them in my bed.”. Well… we do not feel that, or we rarely, rarely do.

Take me for example, I identify as graysexual. Someone who is graysexual feels sexual attraction very very VERY rarely. Like I’m talking in all 20+ years of my life, I can count on one hand how many times I’ve been sexually attracted to someone. And not even one of those times was as a teenager. I was not inclined towards sex in my adolescent years. I had no clue what sex was, nor did I care to find out. I had heard of it, but I had no curiosity for it. Even after my virginity was taken when I was 21, it was not all it was hyped up to be. Of course, I went along with it because that what you do in a relationship… you have sex.

Now, this does not mean that asexuals cannot enjoy sex. There are several different feelings that every human has towards sex, that is: sex favorable, sex indifferent, sex averse or sex repulsed. Sex favorable means that sex feels good to you, and you can still enjoy it. That has nothing to do with attraction. You can still have a libido (sexual desire) or be horny if you are asexual. That energy is just not directed to any one person or another. Sex indifference means that, well, you are indifferent to sex. Sex is not that big of a deal to you. You can have it and be ok with it, you can not have it and be ok with it. It is what it is. Sex aversion is a negative view of sex. It is not fully sex repulsed, you would just rather not. You have so many better things to do rather than have sex. And this is where I lay on the scale. I would just rather not have sex, leave me be and let me do my thing. Then there are sex repulsed people. Sex is off the table and not in question. Sex scenes in books, movies and tv shows make them squirm. The thought of sex is revolting and honestly traumatizing. Please, if your partner is sex repulsed, asexual or not, do not push sexual acts on to them. No means no.

A lot of the time asexuals are swept under the rug. “Yeah, you’re a prude or an incel and don’t like sex, no one cares.” “You’ll find the right person someday.” “You should get your hormones checked out; you sound broken.” All of these statements are false. Asexuals are not broken. Asexuals are beautiful, unique humans who are just trying to be themselves and find their way in this extremely sexual world. Just like you cannot control who you are attracted to, guys, gals, non-binary pals, we cannot control that we feel no sexual attraction at all. It’s how we were born. To all my ace’s reading this right now, hello! You are seen, you are heard, and I love you! Just a reminder: YOU ARE NOT BROKEN!