Grief is Like my Toxic Ex

Ah, Grief, there you are again!

About 1.5 years ago, I lost my younger sister to an opioid overdose. She had been struggling with addiction for years. My family is lucky enough to have had the financial means to send her amazing recovery centers and outpatient treatments. She had all the family support in the world, and she was unbelievably loved by her friends. However, no amount of money, love, or support could help my intelligent and goofy sister who so desperately wanted to get better. After buying and using drugs that were unknowingly laced with fentanyl, she overdosed and passed away. Before this dreadful and traumatic day, I had a happy and simple life. Grief flipped my world onto its head.

I am writing about my story because some of you may be simply curious what Grief feels like for some. Others may want to understand in order to better help a friend, family member, or significant other who is grieving. I won't get into the nitty gritty about the actual pain of Grief because honestly it is indescribable. Yet, I do want to explain what Grief looks like for me today, 1.5 years after this tragedy. I am certain that everyone grieves differently, but for me, Grief is like my toxic ex.

You may have noticed I capitalize the word "Grief". This is because I like to think of Grief as a person. One day, I will be going about my business, and BAM, my toxic ex Grief texts me. He is a painful memory. He is an annoyance. Why can't I get rid of him? I take all the "right" steps to heal and get over him, but he keeps coming around. Sometimes, I won't hear for him for a week or two. Other times, he calls me every 5 minutes to remind me he's still there. Grief doesn't care if I am in class, out with friends, walking my dog, or watching Netflix. He has a mind of his own and will do what he wants.

I make the comparison not to minimize the gravity of Grief. Certainly, the pain and devastation I feel when I let Grief in is unmeasurable. However, the metaphor helps me to grapple with Grief. I can tell him to f*** off if I have had a long day. Or I can invite Grief over for coffee. We can talk it out and try to understand each other. We can feel sad if we need to. Grief will be in my life forever. It is not something to run away from, but something to learn to cope with. My hope is that one day, Grief will become my friend.

If you have a loved one who is grieving: Don't try to fix them, don't ask them when they will be done grieving, don't suggest how they should be feeling. Let them feel and ask how you can help. Ask what Grief feels like to them. Recognize that Grief will be with them forever. Give them your unconditional love and support.