"Glow Up"

When relationships end, there are a lot of emotions that come into play. Whether it is mutual or not, there tends to be a lot of sadness that results after two people decide to go separate ways. We have all been there. And as time goes on, we realize that now that we are no longer in a relationship, we have much more time to focus on ourselves.

When we start to focus on ourselves, it often leaves time for us to recognize aspects of our life that we have not been able to focus on due to being so consumed by another person in our lives. This has positive and negative side effects, but as I have realized is that we are not the only ones who have an opinion on what we focus on post-breakup. The media does.

How often have you logged into Instagram and watched as a friend who just became single post a gym selfie with a motivation caption, most likely with the words "glow up" fitted somewhere neatly into the post? Or if the breakup was rather rough, that "glow up" is accompanied by a snarky remark or two, maybe about the trash taking itself out. You can log into Facebook to check on a relative and a tabloid ad will scream "JENNIFER ANNISTON LOST 10 POUNDS AFTER DIVORCE" and the article will picture our favorite Friends character from 5 years prior, with a photoshopped physique.

When a relationship ends, we often feel anger and sadness. A healthy coping mechanism may be the gym for many of us (in moderation of course) but I'm starting to believe we aren't always organically imagining sculpting our body after a hardship. The media has a heavy influence on how we are supposed to act when we are no longer in love, or trying very hard not to be. One of our culture's expectations is that we "glow up" - and in their unspoken definition, get skinny.

When my 3.5-year relationship ended, I was inspired by multiple posts from friends and mutuals on social media "glowing up" in their lives and "showing their exes what they were losing". As a freshly bitter and hurt individual, I was satisfied with this route. It made sense, it was appealing. But at what cost?

Every morning, my roommate and I would hit the gym at 5 am for abs and a 2-mile run. After my last afternoon class of the day, I would go to the gym for a second time in order to get a lift in. I was starving for results and even more so for that attention aspect. I wanted to make a debut, I wanted others to be able to look at my body and recognize that I had perfected myself now that my ex was out of my life.

This was inspired by the media I consumed. I watched all my friends go through the same situation throughout the years. I began to listen to my body when I woke up on those early mornings, begging for more sleep. Yes, the exercise was good for me, but the motivation behind it was toxic. I was nodding off in class, frantically checking social media notifications, and paying much more attention to myself in the mirror. Whatever glowing up meant to me before, I was clearly missing the mark.

I'd like to take ownership of the term "glow up". Right now, we are meant to associate it with flat tummies and glowing skin. But I'd fight to argue that without abs and hitting the gym every day, I've still had my own glow up. I focused on myself, my love languages, and what I had been lacking in my previous relationships. I turned towards friends and towards self-discovery.

I stopped exercising excessively and when I do get my body moving, my main focus is how great it feels to be active and what it does for my brain, not my waist.

One of the most life-changing aspects of my own transformation was finally spending the time to focus on my mental health for once. I was able to put myself first, rather than a partner, or a culture's expectation of what I should perfect next.

If you're going through a breakup right now and your heart is calling you to the gym, by all means, go for it. But if you're like me and thoughts of passive revenge seep into your mind whenever you think of lifting a weight, try to find your own definition of glow-up.