Getting Older

There are times that I look back on my life and wonder why things happen when they do. Some of those times were when important stuff happened such as leaving home for the first time, meeting the person I would marry and have my heartbeats with. One of the most painful times was when I lost the one person who felt truly understood me better that everyone else.

Then a year later, I became a mommy to the most amazing child that still has a tight grip on my heart. Raising her and watching her as she grew even when I wasn't present was and is still a joy. The year I turned 30 and wound up having to have the 1st surgery of my life and it was freaking emergency surgery at that.... I hate hospitals. That year I also had my second child (another beautiful daughter) as well as another (almost emergency as well ) surgery ....again I freaking hate hospitals. Now I had two tight grips on my heart to be my buffer among the losses and heartache that was to come .

The next few years were spent watching, worrying, and raising these two humans as one was well on to her journey while I was starting over with the second. Until there was a surprise...... finding out that I was having another.This time I wasn't so happy at first but by the time he was born among a very stressful period in my life. I love that little person to pieces.

Life has a way of knocking you down and pummeling you with stress. I went through a period of postpartum, guilt over things that I found out about after the fact and dealing with the loss of trust in a person that I once loved..... all while recovering from having another kinda surgery..... I still freaking hate hospitals but this time I was ensuring that I would be here to raise my kiddos.

One of the things that I did to try and help me heal emotionally,physically, spiritually,as well as mentally was to go and visit my family with my babies. I was able to think about what the future would bring and eventually decided that I was where I needed to be to heal but not without more heartache.

Time flew and has flown by and my heartbeats are still growing. One finished high school then college.......adulting and living her best life. The middle learning about life and ready to start the next journey of her life as she enters her senior yr before going to college( or whatever). While the youngest makes us all laugh as he navigates living life dealing with things like 1st crushes and stuff.( Bruh..... his crush is an older woman...and he wants to marry her cause he says she is hot).

As I write this ...... laughing because kids are being kids..... I worry about making sure that I am here to help them navigate the adult world. I keep them in mind always when I make lifestyle changes upon learning that I now have diabetes. Such a heavy sentence to say and think about.

*its been a few months since I wrote the above. Things happen...like summer,and learning to navigate my journey with food*

During this time "life also started lif-ing" lmao. Looking back I realize that there are several perks to getting older. I'm not just talking about the ones you might see daily in everyday life...... I am referring to the ones that deal with being happy and grateful for each and every strand of grey hair. The faint laugh lines that start to appear. The joy in watching others younger than me accomplish their goals.

My heartbeats are keeping me young in spirit at times but its my job to keep myself young in body. So its been a challenge but slowly learning to like the idea of getting older .