Get on with the now

** Note: I wrote this during the wake of the fall of Roe v. Wade in the US, and just recently gathered the courage to post this. It was a vulnerable time - for most of us - I feel, and it is only now I realize that in our weakest moments are where we find out strengths.**

Recently I had people come over and stay in my apartment. Recently, I had also had packed days at work, a lot of planning to do, and conversations with friends about rent rising that left me anxiety-riddled. Then a weekend of more activities later, the people left, and as I woke up - or rather, was rudely woken up by my anxious mind thinking about, well...everything - in a clean apartment, with a cloudy yellow sunrise and in a bed with clean sheets, I felt everything slow down (even my lightning speed worst-scenario-generator brain).

We often get lost in the daily humdrum, I mean, how could you not? The news, the work, the people you care about and the ones you barely know, all demand parts of you as you manage to stay afloat and alive in this strangely-structured society of work before rest, where pleasure needs to be earned and so does your worth. If this morning has taught me anything, it is: you will not regret slowing down for yourself. Take that break, take that walk. Make it a quickie - short & sweet, if you are really strapped. Let it be two minutes of just stirring cream in your coffee, let it be three deep breaths as you look at a picture of the beach (recommended: maximize it on your screen for a more realistic make-believe timeout), let it be anything that you do to feel yourself in the now, in your body and not just your head.

The past two days have been especially difficult. I have multiple back issues that get aggravated with stress and too much or too less activity. Well, after the physical stagnation due to work and fatigue followed by too much motion as I (with a multitude of others) protested and screeched to keep my autonomy over my body, the back wasn't happy (as you could have guessed). But, I slept well, after what seemed like ages. Mind you, not the best, but better than the last couple of weeks; and as I sat wondering how and why, the quote, "You often feel tired, not because you've done too much, but because you've done too little of what sparks a light in you" came to mind. Takeaway, we wonder? After doing only what was wanted/needed of me, I did something that mattered to me, something that fulfilled me.

Did going to a protest not cause me more duress and pain for the women that shared their stories, for the kids I saw that would grow up with their bodies under State control, for the women before me that probably led similar fights only to have it fall apart right before their eyes? It did, it still does, at one point while marching I felt helpless, because we were there - in hundreds - but the ones in control weren't, and it felt like talking to a wall, and praying to a God that had lost Their own faith. The only solace was I was doing what I could, and the best part of it, I was not alone.

There are times in our lives when we are so overwhelmed we forget we can reach out and have someone reach back to hold our hand and help us up. We also forget sometimes that someone is going to be us. On days you feel alone, be what you need, to be you. A twenty-minute break? A sprint will help. Feeling overwhelmed? Let's take a few steps.

I write this at 7:56 AM as I am about to start work in an hour, and though I know I have some important deliverables, I also know that I will be fine, in fact, better than fine, I will be great, and so will you! Eat that dessert, make that coffee, and anytime you feel overwhelmed, just know you can always come back to yourself.