Forgotten Last Words

02/07/37 Lae, Papua New Guinea

Well, I suppose this is it. I did not sleep well last night; in fact, I should be sleeping even now. It’s a funny thing really. I have done so many flights and yet this one is so different from all the rest. The distance is not what disturbed my sleep. It wasn’t even that this is to be my final expedition. My fondness for the skies jades me to fear of the flight, and my weariness makes me long for an end to this era in my life. Perhaps one day I will miss it, but hopefully when that day comes, I am a wretched old woman who misses everything.

No, the reason I cannot sleep is what I must do when I land. All the puzzle pieces I have previously discussed – the ones I have described as Moriarty Crumbs – have finally come together. Last night I met with a local spirit woman who interacts with a different realm than I do, and she opened my eyes. As it turns out, my Moriarty is much more sinister than one could imagine, and has had the privilege of sharing my bed for the last 6 years. Georgie my darling, I will end this. All of it.

There was a girl from Hyde that I thought of often in our early days. I can’t for the life of me remember her name, but she has haunted my memories nonetheless. She was a social butterfly, and many boys fancied her though I could not see why. She was rather dull, and elevated the pitch of her voice to a level that hurt my ears. She lives in a loop in my memory because I remember when she was asked how she would choose which boy to go to the dance with, she responded, “The one who asks me the most times by Wednesday. Persistence is the most coveted quality in a man, don’t you know?”

I’m not sure what happened in between, but I knew then, and I know now, that that dull broad knew nothing. Persistence is perhaps a coveted quality in a business partner, but should be avoided in a husband. Well husbands should be avoided. Persistence is aggressive and aggression is quite simply the antithesis of care. George asked me to marry him so many times I began to wonder if that girl was partially correct. I began to think maybe I could mold that aggression into something that resembled love. I thought that stupid letter prior to our marriage would make him respect my boundaries.

I did not think he would use his own boundaries to restrain me in a way that would allow him to do such horrible things. I gave him the benefit of believing him sensible, when he asked to leave telepathy out of our marriage. And now I feel I am to blame for everything, those countless children, the Hoover Dam, and most recently that airship in New Jersey. But when I land in Los Angeles, I will begin to right these wrongs. I will tell the world.

I may be paranoid, but I think I will keep my findings a secret from Fred as well. I am beginning to think that the incessant singing in his mind may be less endearing than I thought. It could instead be a way to keep me out.

Either way, it will hardly matter when I reveal to the press what George’s organization has been doing in the shadows. I will have to decide where to begin, but I do know that this is where it ends.

A.E.