For the Love of God, Will No One Help?
Am I asking for too much?
For the last five years, I have been haunted by memories of events that I cannot change. So many times I have sat crying into a tissue in despair. Absolute despair.
I wanted to change what happened, which, of course, I couldn’t. I would rationalise to myself that if I couldn’t change it, then please, could someone help me to understand it. I would pray to a God I now question. If there truly is someone, something as powerful as we want them to be, then why do bad things happen to good people?
Five years ago, I became a carer for someone near and dear to me, my now ex-wife. She was diagnosed with bipolar disorder after a manic episode. This led to her being hospitalised for several months. It has been a cycle of mania and depression since then, with only brief periods of normality in between.
My world has collapsed. Her world, her life, has been destroyed. Never to be the same again, she has battled on relentlessly to no avail. I have lived every despicable moment with her.
There have been times when I could have easily given up, but my commitment to her as a husband and as a friend stopped me. Her family abandoned her. Too full of their own selfish emotions, they left her to her own devices. I have memories of pleading with them to spend time with her. To visit her in the hospital.
Did they realise what a horrible existence, what a hell she was in?
Could they not spend just a few hours to give her support?
How does a mother abandon her daughter like that?
Of course, they couldn’t. “You're a big boy; you can take care of it,” I was told on one occasion.
So I did. I have, and I still am. Even though we are no longer together, an eternal bond remains. A bond that will never see me desert her. Her friends did not understand, so suddenly, they were all too busy to spend time with her. The bond has tested my belief in marriage, family, and friends, but it will survive all of these.
Throughout this whole process, my emotions have been challenged. I felt sympathy and empathy for her. But I also felt anger and frustration toward those who let her be treated poorly at times during her care. How can these professionals, who took an oath to help others, harden their hearts? They seem to feel nothing about the despair in her eyes. Someone who is begging for help, for some small element of hope and inspiration that it will be all right.
Many nights I would return home from seeing her in the hospital to an empty house. I learned that loneliness can be both beneficial and destructive. If you were alone, you didn’t have to explain yourself or your feelings to anyone. You didn’t have to apologise for not being happy or for explaining your sadness.
It also meant you had no distraction from your feelings. Emotions became raw. Sadness dragged me down. Guilt questioned whether this was in some way my fault.
Did I do something to bring on this affliction?
Was I doing enough?
Today, as I write this, my wife is dealing with the depths of depression. If I am honest, to a lesser extent, I probably am too. I have adapted to a life of solitude. A life that is far different from what I imagined it would be like when I was retired. I often sit and reflect on how my values have evolved. I no longer have any faith in society, friendships, or family.
What will be will be. All I can do is try to survive and try to provide the support and care that I can to help my wife get through her situation. I want to see her happy and enjoying life again.
I see and hear stories about mental health, and they either make me sad or angry. Sad because I have some idea of what these people are going through. Frustrated because, despite what change-makers claim, not much really changes. I can’t give up for her sake or mine. However, the journey has left me feeling weary, both emotionally and mentally. I am not the same person I was five years ago.
Till next time,
Calvin
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About the Creator
Calvin London
I write fiction, non-fiction and poetry about all things weird and wonderful, past and present. Life is full of different things to spark your imagination. All you have to do is embrace it - join me on my journey.
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The Tiny Things That Count
I am a romantic at heart, always have been and always will be. I always approached my relationships with hope and a romantic view of love. I love affection. I believe showing love consistently is the magic glue. It’s a key part of any relationship.
By Calvin London2 months ago in Humans
Hind Rajab: A Child the World Heard Too Late
Cinema has always been a powerful medium for telling stories that history books often reduce to numbers. When a film chooses to focus on a single child caught in the machinery of war, it forces audiences to confront reality not as statistics, but as human loss. The movie inspired by the tragic story of Hind Rajab, a young Palestinian girl, does exactly that. It is not merely a film; it is a testimony, a memorial, and a question posed to the conscience of the world. Hind Rajab’s name became known globally after reports emerged of her final hours during the Gaza conflict. She was a child trapped in circumstances no child should ever experience. The film based on her story does not sensationalize her death, nor does it turn her suffering into spectacle. Instead, it approaches her story with restraint, dignity, and an unwavering focus on innocence lost amid violence. The Story at the Heart of the Film The movie centers on a young Palestinian girl who becomes separated from safety during intense military escalation. Through her eyes, viewers witness fear, confusion, and the fragile hope that someone, somewhere, will come to help. The film follows her final journey—both physical and emotional—using minimal dialogue and powerful visual storytelling. Rather than relying on graphic imagery, the filmmakers choose silence, pauses, and close-up shots to convey terror and vulnerability. This artistic choice makes the film even more haunting. The audience is left to sit with the child’s fear, her calls for help, and the unbearable waiting that defines her final moments. By focusing on Hind as an individual rather than a symbol, the film restores her humanity. She is not portrayed as a political tool, but as a daughter, a child with dreams, and a life that mattered. A Child as the Center of a Global Tragedy What makes this movie particularly impactful is its refusal to shift focus away from the civilian cost of war. The story does not revolve around soldiers, strategies, or power struggles. It revolves around a child who should have been worried about school, friends, and play—not survival. This narrative choice challenges the audience to rethink how conflicts are discussed in media and politics. Wars are often framed in terms of borders, ideologies, and victory. This film asks a different question: What is the price paid by those who have no role in choosing the war? By centering the story on Hind, the film exposes the imbalance of power and the devastating consequences faced by the most vulnerable. Artistic Direction and Emotional Weight The film’s direction is deliberately restrained. There is no dramatic background score overpowering the scenes. Instead, ambient sounds—distant explosions, static-filled phone calls, the quiet breathing of a frightened child—carry the emotional weight. This realism makes the film deeply unsettling. The young actress portraying Hind delivers a performance that is heartbreakingly authentic. Her expressions alone communicate fear, confusion, and bravery far beyond her years. The filmmakers avoid overacting or melodrama, allowing the story’s truth to speak for itself. Cinematography plays a crucial role as well. Tight frames and limited perspectives reinforce the feeling of entrapment, while long, unbroken shots force viewers to experience time as Hind did—slow, uncertain, and terrifying. A Political Film Without Political Speeches One of the film’s greatest strengths is that it does not rely on speeches or overt political messaging. Its power lies in its simplicity. By telling one child’s story honestly, it exposes the broader reality of civilian suffering in conflict zones. The film does not tell audiences what to think. Instead, it asks them to feel—and that is far more powerful. Viewers are left to grapple with difficult questions about responsibility, accountability, and the value of human life. This approach has made the movie resonate across cultures and ideologies. Even those unfamiliar with the details of the Palestinian struggle can connect with the universal themes of childhood, fear, and loss. Reception and Global Impact Since its release, the film has sparked intense discussion on social media, in film circles, and among human rights advocates. Many viewers describe it as one of the most emotionally challenging films they have ever watched. Critics have praised its ethical storytelling and refusal to exploit tragedy. For many, the movie serves as an entry point into understanding the human cost of the Gaza conflict. It has been screened at independent film festivals and community events, often followed by discussions about civilian protection and children in war zones. Most importantly, the film ensures that Hind Rajab’s name is not forgotten. In a world where news cycles move quickly, cinema has given her story permanence. Why This Film Matters This movie matters because it stands against normalization of suffering. It reminds us that behind every headline about war are real people, real families, and real children whose lives are forever altered—or ended. By immortalizing Hind Rajab’s story, the film becomes an act of resistance against silence. It insists that her life had meaning and that her death deserves acknowledgment, reflection, and accountability. In the end, this is not just a film about one Palestinian girl. It is a film about every child trapped in conflict, every unanswered call for help, and every moment when humanity fails its youngest members. Cinema cannot undo tragedy, but it can refuse to let it be ignored. And in doing so, this film ensures that Hind Rajab’s story continues to speak—long after the screen fades to black.
By Hasbanullah6 days ago in Humans
Comments (4)
Your commitment, even after separation is incredibly moving. It’s clear you’ve given more than anyone should ever be expected to give yet you still show up.
I do know how it feels my mum was like this and everyone left me too it as she was just to hard to look after. She would spend 6 to 8 weeks at a time in hospital. When she came home it was ok for a few weeks then start up all over again,each time harder as while in hospital she would watch and say someone put there self on the floor she would doit too. Often she went to bed at 5 pm so I went at 6 just incase she got up and fell down stairs. She died in 2001 after telling me that was the last time she would be in hospital as she will die there. She did too at 3 am on the 5th Sep 2001. A Sad life
OMG, Calvin, this is awful and I’m sorry. You are living hard times but in “sickness and in health, so true to a marriage oath. As we age, sometimes it seems we are just living day to day and the weeks disappear and a new one begins. At least that is where I am right now. You have a purpose and are meeting it. This world is nuts - never have I seen it so chaotic and hard to take. So often the human race is disgusting and selfish. You selflessly care for your wife. ❤️ Nature helps me. I wish you some good times to remember, friends who uplift you in person or via the phone or internet, and peace of mind and spirit.
I feel for you, Calvin. I know exactly what you are going through for five years now I have been taking care of my mom 24/7. Nine years old, completely blind, unable to walk, she has been diagnosed with major depressive disorder, and she is in the advanced stages of dementia. It is very hard dealing with her. On top of all that she’s also incontinent, so guess what I get to do. A few things would’ve helped me is to continue on with the prayer even if it feels like it to not helping believe me it is helping. Second I do speak with a therapist once a week we do a Zoom call on Wednesdays and that helps a lot. I also have About half a dozen different friends that I call and speak with on a regular basis that helps. I have also joined a few support groups on Facebook for caregivers that has helped. I wish you the best.