Five Reasons saying NO is Self Care

"Hey, let me get twenty dollars from you one more time. I promise I'll pay everything back Friday."

"My ride fell through again, mind taking me home one more time? I'll get you gas money next week."

"Good Morning, Beautiful. What, are you too good to text me back??"

Sound Familiar? Most of us try our best to be decent human beings. Giving to our community, helping others and being approachable are all valued and respected aspects of our existence. But, when is it OK to say NO? If you're like me, you've found yourself in situations you didn't want to be in. And usually, the situation itself could have been "easily" avoided if you'd just said NO. This could be a social situation, a relentless suitor or a coworker who can't ever seem to figure out their own way to work. But, is simply saying NO really that easy? Well, the answer is no. At least for some situations. However, that doesn't make being a "Yes Man" any less problematic in the long run. If there are people or situations in your life that are constantly creating stress, it's time to nip it in the bud. The longer you let it go, the worse it gets.

1. Saying NO isn't "rude".

We have been conditioned to think that we should be beacons of Love and Light at all times. It is almost trendy to be so forcefully positive that, often times, the end result is at your expense. I actually wrote a short blog on Fake positivity you can find here. While we should always take someone's feelings into consideration, at no point is it ok to continue to jeopardize ourselves to the benefit of someone else. Most grown people can accept rejections. If they cannot, it is not your problem. See below as I further explain this.

2. Saying NO should NEVER jeopardize real Relationships.

One of the biggest reasons I used to be a "Yes (Wo)Man" was fear of losing people or social status. If I set boundaries, would they still like me? Would they still love me? Years later, I have come to realize that drawing a line through uncomfortable situations should never be cause for a real friendship or relationship to fail. Relationships are not built on whether or not someone can let you crash on their sofa or buy lunch for the twenty fourth time. That is ridiculous. If finally cutting the cord causes the person to become abusive, insulting or restrictive. RUN. Who cares what they tell other people. It will simply be their version of the truth. Whoever sympathizes can take over for you.

3. Saying NO is always OK in potentially romantic situations, DMs and more.

Is someone constantly in your DMs? Have you politely replied with an emoji or a "lol..." to the 17th straight "Hi beautiful" this month? Listen to me, there is a social media phenomenon I have witnessed first hand. Apparently, if you have a social media platform of any capacity, you are automatically obligated to talk to whoever sends you a message. And, if you don't then you are "justifiably" verbally attacked. Sometimes even threatened or doxed. Can I just say something? NO. Just NO. This is not ok in any situation. Whether it's on your private Facebook or a dating app. Whether you have 140 friends or 50,000 followers. You are never obligated to speak to, reply to or entertain anyone you do not want to. I cannot stress that enough.

4. Saying NO should not need a detailed explanation.

Whether you had other plans, don't have extra cash or just are not interested. Declining an invite, request for money or creepy DM requires little to no explanation. Whether you are low on money, have a date or think someone is just putrid is none of their business. It's ok to say "No, I'm sorry but I am busy that day." It is ok to say, "Sorry, I can't. I hope you get it figured out." And leave it at that. Of course, there are people and situations that would require a less callous or leveled response. I get to that in my final point. But, overall in daily situations, don't stress yourself out coming up with some well articulated excuse. It's a waste of your creative resources and causes unnecessary anxiety most of the time.

5. There will be situations that saying NO is hard. Be thoughtful.

Sometimes, you will find yourself needing to say NO to something a lot more serious. Maybe a wedding you just can't make it to. In these scenarios, please DO expend the extra energy to properly and thoughtfully reply. The people who typically are involved in those scenarios will likely understand. However, sometimes they might not. This is the time that you make sure you feel OK with how you handle the situation. Always make choices that you can sleep at night with, even if they're hard. It is far more important that you can stand by why you had to say NO, than it is to jeopardize yourself for the sake of saying yes. Even if it involves a loved one, lover or employer.

In closing, in a society of Yes Men, learn to set your boundaries. Being loving, helpful and kind is always in fashion. What is never ok is pouring from an empty cup for the sake of temporary validation. We are all different. No matter the situation, always make decisions that you feel in your heart are right for you.

Thanks for reading. Please give me a follow on Instagram and check out my Amazon Influencer storefront.

I am an Amazon Influencer and do receive a small commission on sales through my Affiliate storefront***