Five minutes

My lawyer friend! This institution will be established right?

Yes! It will be established, but it has a very strange foundation!

My legs were stiff from sitting on my mother's grave in the cemetery for almost three hours. The early evening of winter and the very early night had spread everywhere. The words of my lawyer friend were echoing in my mind.

As usual, I was sitting at my mother's grave with an empty mind. Ever since my mother passed away, I have been coming here every day. I sit...think...I want to talk to my mother, but as soon as I come here, I forget everything except my mother. I don't know why, except my mother, everything keeps hammering my mind. The face of a cyclist on the way, the hoarse horns of the buses plying on the local route, the number plate of any vehicle, the mud-soaked slippers of the cemetery watchman.

...I start to remember all this. It's not even a whisper that I'm being prevented from sitting on my mother's grave and mourning, nor is it that my mother was a prophet... Then why does my mind wander? Why does this happen?

I get up from my absent-mindedness as usual, trying to reject all these things in the world. I hear something clicking in my stiff legs and start walking, feeling my steps.

In these few moments, just feeling my own steps seems extremely difficult to me, but in reality, it is very interesting. Many times it feels like I do not recognize my body, only the mind and some veins connected to the mind remain a part of my existence, and the rest of my existence continues to float in the air. As

soon as I cross the gate of the cemetery, every memory of the world disappears from my mind.

...and... Only "mother" remains in my memory, so much so that I can see her faint shadows. She wore a heavy gold bracelet on one wrist and bangles on the other. Sometimes I feel as if she is still making bread and the soft sound of those bangles is coming from somewhere very close. Although I was never close to her in her life, I would just greet her every morning with a good neighbor's greeting.

I remember that she used to look at me very carefully, as if she were looking at me with her eyes full. Perhaps she was searching for something on my face. Her eyes used to circle me. I felt that her eyes were a fortress of prayer. There was nothing left but a mother who baked fresh bread for me when I came home late at night or a mother who saved me from my father's scolding. Everything went smoothly in my house.

There were no special rules of kinship for the son!!! Yes, both my sisters were very close to them.

Even now, whenever they come to meet me, they talk a lot about my mother. Sometimes they bring up some old story. They tell a lot, but I don't know why everything they say feels very superficial to me. I think that both of them consider their mother only as a mother, while I continue to see her as a personality, like a complete human being is seen and thought of.

After that, thinking that I had considered them unnecessary for a long time! I feel a bit ashamed. Is it a mistake to consider your father or mother as human beings??? Is it a mistake to consider them only as human beings and not take them for granted?

I mean...oh, I don't know what I mean... It's not that I used to be rude to them or speak badly of them. My problem was that I saw my mother all my life but didn't feel her.

It feels like...ummmmmmm...if everything in the house, office, etc. is perfectly in its place and in the right direction, we move forward by seeing them...just as we are bound to see morning every day, we are not surprised by morning...are we surprised? Just as we are bound to see night, we are not surprised by night...are we surprised? No, we are not.

There are measured things...the law of nature. So, just like that, a mother in a chador, a quiet mother...who seems to have only relatives. A mother who is sometimes busy cooking parathas, sometimes washing carpets, sometimes choosing the colors of new curtains. Sometimes settling a quarrel between two people, and sometimes listening to the story of a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law with displeasure, she is also giving instructions to the household servants to continue working.

A mother who wore only white or unprinted clothes in winter, summer, autumn and spring. Who had nothing to do with fashion, but her words were very open-minded and of high quality. By God!!! I didn't even know how educated my mother was, but after she left, I realized that she used to use some correct English word in every sentence, she used to read newspapers.

Before her death, I never saw my mother scattered everywhere in the house. I felt sorry for her death. I had also cried because seeing everyone made me want to cry. I was only 22 years old. I have reached home thinking well. There will be no one in the house except a servant and a few cats. The watchman has opened the gate. As

I lock the car and pass through the lawn, I feel like waving my mother's dupatta. Since such days happen, I am not shocked anymore.

Whether it is cold, hot or rainy, I do not allow the special place of the mother's chair to be changed. Although the chair has been changed many times due to the effects of the weather, each new chair is placed in the exact same direction and manner in which it was placed before.

Passing through the semi-dark corridor, I have reached my room. While changing my clothes, I am constantly thinking about this institution. What is the institution? My heart wants all the mothers of the world, all the good mothers, to live under one roof. All those mothers whose children cannot give them attention and love, to come there to escape from small sorrows.

Now my lawyer friend says that I am guilty of something that is inciting me to do all this. What is the guilt? Is my thinking not good? I ask him for the umpteenth time and tell him dozens of times that my mother is a very precious thing, not to be wasted by putting it in a corner.

Then he argues that I am stuck in the denial phase.

My mother was a very strong and domineering woman.

No one, including my father, had the courage to say anything in front of him. Everyone would just beg. What kind of mistake did I make in front of him? I want to free these mothers from the clutches of these unfortunate children who themselves want to get out of there. Now I won't take so much money with me to the grave!

Yes, I remembered from the grave that I would take the place next to my mother's grave for myself.

I set an alarm on my mobile to talk to the person concerned. Since I do everything systematically, I have enough alarms on my phone.

Anyway..!

I get tired running around all day, but as soon as night falls, my mind wakes up completely. I think about what I have lost and what I have found. Despite being alone for years, even now, when my tears are absorbed in the pillow, I sneak a glance and look around to see if anyone is watching.

I think that even after sitting for hours at my mother's grave for years, my thirst is not quenched. Perhaps the lawyer is right that I am guilty. If I had sat down that day and listened to my mother's words, my life would have been very different today. Perhaps I am punishing myself for not listening to this one thing.

My mother's questioning eyes have become so ingrained in me that I have not been able to live my married life for more than 4 months.

Attrat's questioning eyes used to scare me and I used to think that what would I do if something happened somewhere, something went wrong somewhere. That poor girl also thought that I was mentally ill and left here crying and I used to isolate myself. Whenever she asked for time, I used to sit next to her but my mind became like my existence. Mother's voice saying "Kabir, listen to me for 5 minutes" used to take me under its wing.

I felt that if I gave my time to anyone in my life now, it would be a betrayal of my mother. I realized this one sentence exactly five years after my mother's death. As I grew older, I felt that my mother was coming alive inside me. I even remembered the color of her eyes. When my mother had said to me, "Kabir, listen to me for 5 minutes," I was still sitting among some of my relatives, women.

I said, "Yes, good..." and took steps towards the courtyard. After that, within a week, my mother was gone. I didn't realize it then, but years later, light gusts of memory started teasing me. In that one week, I had passed by my mother many times. Now I remember that my mother used to look at me carefully, perhaps she was waiting for me to give her five minutes from my Good For Nothing busy life.

I wonder what my mother wanted to tell me... I don't know. Maybe my mother wanted to tell me that she had a need. Or maybe my mother wanted to tell me that I was her most special child... Or maybe my mother wanted to say that she loved me very much. If I don't lie to myself, I go to my mother's grave because maybe some revelation came to me there and I will know that.

My concentration span has become so short that I am unable to pay attention to many things, unable to focus. I wish those five minutes could come back to my life. Even after spending five hundred thousand minutes at my mother's grave, I cannot make up for those five minutes. The feeling of time passing by makes me so afraid that I don't even wear a watch anymore. Those "five" minutes that my mother asked for have spread over my entire life.

In this institution that I am going to build, I will definitely sit next to every mother and make her talk... I may be able to make up for those five minutes... But I wonder how I will close those mother's eyes that have opened inside me