First Love

Prologue

I never knew what it was like to be in love with someone who had the same feelings for you, but you didn’t have the same feelings for them, and although, you try to fight their love, it just keeps pullin’ you in. That’s how my first love was like.

He would call me and text me all the time I wouldn’t reply to all of his text messages or phone calls. I would push him away and the way he was feelin’ for me. The way he felt for me was powerful. It’s like he was inside of my head and he knew what I was goin’ to say. He could see right through me and that part I hated.

He held me like no man has never held me before and he made me feel safe. He was not only my first boyfriend, but he was my first love, also. I wanted a man like him. He may have a son, and a daughter, but he knows how to treat a woman right, and that’s what I wanted. It wasn’t just all about the sex in the relationship. It was more than that. He wanted to bind me to him and to keep me with him forever. He wanted me, and now, he has me.

He started likin’ me, ever since, we started working at Mystic’s Fruit Factory. I never had someone like that in my life. He tells me that he loves me for not just the sex, my ass, my boobs, and my assets, but for my intelligence, and he could see the pain and anger mixed up together in my eyes. If a man can tell me what I’ve been through, and know how I feel, then, technically, he’s the one for me. He wanted me for himself and he wanted to stop playin’ games. I kept pushin’ him away, but he just kept pullin’ me back in, and now, I can’t stop him anymore. It’s like I would do anything for him.

He was THAT powerful, and although, some people wouldn’t like that, it felt so damn good to be needed, and wanted by someone that you barely knew. He made me feel that way. ROMAN made me feel that way and I kept wantin’ more of him every day. He was like a drug that I was addicted to. A drug that I couldn’t get enough of. He was THE ONE for me. He was my FIRST LOVE.

Roman was holding onto her while they were on his sister’s sofa lying down.

CHAPTER 1: HER FIRST MAKEOUT SESSION WITH HER FIRST LOVE

Tamara sat down on the sofa and it was nighttime in Los Angeles, CA. Roman was laying down on the sofa wearing nothing but his boxers and Tamara was getting a little nervous. Roman looked at her and rubbed her left arm up and down slowly in the dark living room.

“Are you afraid to get closer to me?” he asked with a smile on his face and she half-laughed nervously. “No, I just don’t wanna lead you on about how I feel about you,” she confirmed nervously and shivered underneath his touch.

Her heart started beating fast and he rubbed her left cheek softly. She closed her eyes and enjoyed his touch. She put her hand on top of his and she imagined what it would feel like to be with him, to be more closer to him.

“Can you hold me, please? I wanna be held,” she asked and he moved the covers out of the way. She took off her boots and laid down on top of him slowly. He held onto her and her heart was still beating very fast. “Calm down, just calm down, everything’s okay,” he said calmly and her heart slowed down at a medium pace. “I’m sorry, it’s just that I’ve never felt like this whenever a man who cares about me holds me. I’m enjoyin’ this, feelin’ your arms around me, holdin’ me, makin’ me feel safe, protectin’ me. I don’t ever wanna stop feelin’ like this with you,” Tamara explained and she felt the warmth from his masculine body.

“What do you want from a man?” Roman asked. “I want a man who can cook, who’s gonna make me feel safe, protect me from anything, be there for me no matter what, love me, hold me without me askin’ or tellin’ him to do so, provide for me, sex me ‘til I fall asleep or ‘til my body is sore, have kids with me, start a family, and we can get married. I don’t wanna be hurt. I want him to give me more than just two chances whenever I screw up. I want him to look beyond my imperfections and I don’t wanna lose him to another woman,” Tamara explained herself and she let out a sigh. “I won’t hurt you, Tamara, I promise. I have feelings for you that you wouldn’t believe. If you were mine, I would cook all the time, and you wouldn’t have to worry about a thing,” Roman said and she looked into his eyes.

“How long have you had feelings for me?” Tamara asked. “Ever since, we’ve worked out there at the fruit factory,” Roman answered. “I’ve never seen you worked out there,” Tamara said and put her hand on his chest. “That’s because you always had your head down whenever I was around. You we’re always caught up in your work. When I look into your eyes, I see pain mixed with anger, and I just wanna be that man in your life who’ll never hurt you. I wanna be that man that you described. I’ve been hurt so many times in my life by women, I just don’t want it to happen again,” Roman explained himself to her.

“I’m sorry to hear that, Roman. I want a boyfriend. I really do, but I’m just not ready for a relationship, yet. Relationships are scary, and I don’t want neither of us to get hurt in it.”

“You’ll always get hurt in relationships. It just depends on how much hurt you can take and if that hurt can literally damage your relationship for good.”

“If you become my boyfriend, you’ll be my very first boyfriend in reality, and you’ll be my first in a lotta things, if we stay together long enough. I just gotta think this through. I hope you’re okay with that.”

“I am, but you need to get me before somebody else takes me.”

“It won’t take me that long. Can I get a kiss?”

She looked up at him once again and he gave her a kiss. They started kissing each other and she began to get rough with it. He started calming her down.

“Hey, hey, calm down, you don’t have to rush it. I can show you.”

He started kissing her passionately and she followed along. She put her hand on top of his head and started dry humping him. He put his hands on her ass and they started moaning. She put her hand on his cheek and he unbuckled her belt. She took out her boob and held it out to him. He started sucking on it and she held onto his head.

Three hours later, they stopped and held onto each other. He put the cover on top of them and they looked at each other. He put his forehead against hers and gave her a kiss.

“I don’t kiss on the first date,” he put out. “That’s okay, I understand. I feel like a teenager with a crazy boy crush, now,” she admitted and gave him a kiss.

“I want you to stay here with me, tonight.”

“Okay.”

He held onto her and they went to sleep.

A lotta thoughts went through my head that night while I was in Roman’s arms. What is a virgin, gap-toothed, bushy unibrow, caramel-skinned with a big ass, thick, plump, juicy lips, and big boobs girl like me doin’ with an average, dark-skinned, masculine man like Roman? I’m not all that good lookin’. I mean, the guy looks beyond better than me. My mind is sayin’ no, but my heart is sayin’ yes. He found me and like they say, “A good man will find a good woman”. I hope that we were meant to be together, no matter what. I will never forget this moment ever. I’m so glad he wants me to stay and all he can do, right now, is shower me with his love.

CHAPTER 2: FINDING OUT THAT SHE USED HIM

Tamara went to work, the next day at Red Lobster, and she got a text message from Roman. The text message said: Love u and she half-smiled. She texted back: I like u, too. She went on her break, and Elyssa Melindez, her co-worker, got beside her.

“Somebody has a boyfriend,” Elyssa said in a singsongy voice. “When birds sing, Elyssa. I’m not ready for a boyfriend, yet, but there is this one guy who’s been textin’, and callin’ me,” Tamara said. “Girl, do you know what that means? That means he’s a good man lookin’ for a good woman and that’s you,” Elyssa explained.

Elyssa is my multi-racial best friend and co-worker. She is mixed with African American, Italian, Samoan, Irish, and Hispanic and her complexion is a lot lighter than mine. Her hair is glossy, jet black and it’s smooth to the max. She can be funny, at times, and she knows a real man/good man when she sees one, but she keeps it a hundred percent real with me.

“Elyssa, I’m not a good woman. I mean, come on, look at me. How can I be a good woman in a relationship if I’ve never been in one before? I’m gonna be a flat out newbie when I get into one.”

“Look, I know you’re scared about enterin’ into your very first relationship with somebody, but always look on the positive side. Don’t accuse a man of cheatin’, unless, you’ve seen it happen.”

“I wouldn’t be able to accuse him of cheatin’, period, because he wouldn’t tell me, until, the guilt starts eatin’ him alive.”

“So, what’s the guy’s name?”

“His name is Roman and we’re gonna leave it at that.”

“Oh, come on, that’s all you’re gonna tell me?”

“Yes, and that he found ME, not the other way around. I let him read one of my stories on Wattpad and he enjoyed it. He says that I should sell my stories for a livin’. You know, become an author.”

“Uh, and you should. Girl, you’ve got some serious writin’ skills. Who WOULDN’T read your stories?”

“Bougie people and stuck-up people who think they’re above everybody else. Hold on, I’ve gotta text him back.”

She sent another text message to Roman saying: I think we should just be friends and he sent back a text message saying: You used me.

Around 7:00 p.m., Tamara left the restaurant and went home. She took a shower and went over to Sasha Fields’ house. She knocked on the door and Sasha opened it.

“Hey, come on in, how was work?”

“It was okay.”

“I saw you and my brotha booed up on the sofa last night.”

“It seemed like we had a little chemistry going on last night. Is he around?”

“Not, yet, but he will be.”

I wanna be with Roman, but how can I be with a man who loves me, but I only like him? Relationships are a complicated thing is what I’ve heard. It’s like a battlefield and love and war. I don’t wanna argue or fight. I don’t wanna ever break up with my first love. I didn’t know that I was usin’ him to crave my sexual desire, and if I did, then, I’m sorry, but my hormones are actin’ highly crazy, right now. I hope he’ll listen to me when I wanna talk to him.

CHAPTER 3: TAMARA TALKS TO ROMAN ABOUT USING HIM

At 8:55 p.m., Roman walked into the house and went into the kitchen. Tamara got up from the sofa and went into the kitchen. Roman opened the fridge and took out a soda. He sat down at the table and she put her back against the wall.

“Hey, can we talk?”

“Go ahead.”

“Roman, I’m sorry about what I said. I didn’t know that I was usin’ you, I swear it. I’m afraid of gettin’ into relationships because of what happens in them. You’ll argue, fight, and then, break up. I don’t want that to happen to me when I get into one.”

“You’ll never know, until, you try. Relationships aren’t always perfect and I know that from experience.”

“The way you held me, the way you kissed me, and the way you controlled me, I admire that in a man. I don’t wanna be one of the girls that hurt you in the past. I just want us to be friends, for now. Can we do that?”

“Yeah, we can do that.”

“Come lay down with me.”

She grabbed his hand and they hugged each other. He stopped hugging her and began to sit back down.

“Roman, I’m serious, now. Just because we’re friends, that doesn’t mean we can’t hug each other for a long period of time, now.”

He got back up and hugged her for a long period of time. She grabbed his hand and led him to the sofa. He laid down and she laid down on top of him. He held onto her and she let out a sigh.

“Do you really love me?”

“Yeah, I do.”

His lips were on the tip of her forehead and a tear rolled down her cheeks.

“You’re not cryin’, are you?”

“No, um, I just had somethin’ in my eyes is all.”

“Let me see.”

She sat up and he pulled her bottom eyelids down a little bit. He did the same thing with her top eyelids and didn’t see anything.

“I didn’t see anything. You lied to me.”

“I’m cryin’ because you love me, and I love you, too. I think we should be together.”

“Are you sure about that?”

She nodded her head and he gave her a kiss.

“Yes, I’m serious this time.”

He started kissing her and she pulled the cover over their whole entire bodies. He wiped her tears away from her face and she put her hand on his cheek.

“Stay with me forever and ever.”

“I will.”

She let out a sigh and imagined that they were naked.

I love him and I love him for real this time. That’s all I feel about him and that’s all I’ll ever feel about him. Hold me and don’t let me go is all I wanna tell him. He’s all mine and nobody else can have him. I won’t let anybody else have him. I’ll fight for him if I have to and that’s all there is to it. He makes me feel alive and that’s all I ever wanted to feel whenever I’m with a man. The feelin’ to be alive with a man who makes you feel out of this world and loves you for you is beyond wonderful and beyond powerful.

What would life be like if we didn’t have those kinds of men in this world? It would be hectic and hellified like it is, now. When he kisses me, goosebumps pop up all over my body and I feel relaxed and protected. I couldn’t ask for anything better.

They held onto each other and she had a warm smile on her face. His lips were against her forehead and he held her tight.

CHAPTER 4: LOSING HER VIRGINITY TO HER FIRST LOVE

Tamara was collecting the last bit of her tips before leaving her job and Roman walked into Red Lobster. He walked towards her and she stuffed the money in her pockets.

“So, this is where you work at, now?”

She turned around and looked at him.

“Yeah, it beats workin’ at the fruit factory. You stay warm and less chilly.”

She gave him a kiss and he slapped her ass.

“Did I come at a bad time?”

“No, actually, I was just gettin’ off. The boss wants us to collect our tips before we go and he doesn’t like loose money sittin’ out here on the tables.”

“What will he do? Claim your earnings?”

“It’s a possibility, but yeah, and he’ll take it out of our paychecks.”

“Let me give you a ride.”

She untied her apron and put it on the rack.

“I’m out, you guys. See you, tomorrow, ciao.”

She and Roman walked towards a platinum-colored Mercedes Benz and got in. They drove away and towards his house in the hills. It was a mansion-like house and they got out of the car. She looked at how huge the house was and he got beside her.

“Is there a problem?”

“No, there’s no problem.”

“Okay, well, then, let’s go.”

They went inside the house and he showed her all around it. They went upstairs to the master bedroom and he closed the door behind him. He locked it and she sat down on his California King bed.

“Your house is amazin’. It’s much better than mine. How come you live up here alone?”

“I haven’t had that much luck with women who could go all throughout the relationship without hurtin’ me at all.”

“I’m sure I can take all that pain away.”

She got up and got in front of him. She started kissing him and he sat down on the bed. She sat down on top of him and he laid back on the bed. She moved her hair out of her face and put her hand on top of his head. She put her forehead against his and gave him a kiss.

“You sure you wanna do this?”

“Yes.”

She got up and they switched positions. They started taking each other’s clothes off and she laid down on the bed. He got on top of her and she took his shirt off. She threw it on the floor and started kissing him. He wrapped her legs around his waist and stuck his dick in her tight clit slowly.

“Ow,” she cried painfully and he went back and forth on her at a medium pace.

She put her hands on both of his sides and they started sweating. She kept crying painfully and he moaned. He started giving her long, passionate kisses while she had a scared mixed with a worried look on her face. She put her hand on his back and the other hand on the back of his head.

God, please, let this end. It hurts so bad when you lose your virginity and I don’t know how long I can take it anymore. I’ve never had my legs open like this before and I’ve certainly never had sex before. Who knew that it would be this painful?

An hour later, he let out a loud moan and he came inside of her. They held onto each other for a while and panted heavily. He looked at her and put his forehead against hers.

“You okay and be honest with me.”

“I’m okay, it just hurts like hell, but afterward, the pain becomes pleasure.”

“I’m sorry that it hurts when you lose your virginity.”

“You don’t have to be. I’m glad I lost my virginity to you, though.”

He started kissing her and she had a relaxed look on her face. Their bodies were glistening in each other’s sweat and bathed with each other’s love.

It’s ended, thank God, and I can breathe. I know that he popped my cherry already but I’ll worry about that later. I just wanna bask in his embrace forever.

CHAPTER 5: TALKING ABOUT LIVING WITH HIM

Two weeks went by and Tamara and Roman was at Roman's house chilling on the sofa in the living room. They were watching the game on his TV and eating caramel popcorn. A few hours later, the game went off and Tamara had her head laying down on the sofa's arm with her eyes closed.

"Tamara, Tamara, Tamara?"

"Hmm?"

"Wake up, come on, let's get you up."

He got up and pulled her up. She held onto him and they went upstairs to his master bedroom. He opened the door and they went inside of it. He closed the door behind them and picked her up bridal-style. He carried her towards the bed and laid her down. He took off her tan, furry snow boots and laid down beside her.

"What a soft bed."

She laughed softly and moaned. He gave her a kiss and she put her hand on his back.

"What do you think about movin' in with me?"

"Rome, we've only been together for two weeks--."

"I know that this is a big step for you, but I'm tired of livin' alone, Tamara. I wanna have somebody livin' with me and that somebody is you. Tamara, I love you, and it would make me the happiest man in the world, if you lived with me."

"Okay, I'll live with you."

"You won't regret it."

"This may not be a palace but it's much better than my place."

"Do you wanna start a family with me, now?"

"Wait, until, we get successful, and then, we can have kids."

"I've read your stories. Why don't you start sellin' them?"

"Because I'm afraid nobody won't read them like I want them to, and plus, they might become an ultimate failure."

"You won't fail, unless, you try. How long have you been writin' stories?"

"Ever since, I was in the first grade, and since, then, my writin' has increased in my stories. I can write longer chapters and they'll be excitin' before you can get to the end of the stories. Lots of people have wanted me to sell my stories, but for you, I think I can make an exception."

"Any particular story you're gonna start writin' on?"

"Yeah, it's gonna be about us, and it's gonna be called FIRST LOVE."

I've been writing stories, ever since, I was just six-years-old, and that's amazing to me. When I had hit the 5th grade, my stories started getting darker and darker, instead of, lighter like Heaven. My English teacher had said that my stories were much darker than before, and then, I realized that, now, when she meant darker, she meant that I was talkin' about being raped.

I guess, I never noticed how much writing impacted my life before I met my first love. I would stay cooped up in my room on my computer or in my notebook writing about anything that came to mind, mostly, sex. I wrote so many things and I even write about the things that I dreamed of the night before. Supposedly, everybody's right about me selling my stories and putting them on shelves.

I'll do this for the people who brought me positivity and hope about putting my stories up for sell, ESPECIALLY, my first love.

CHAPTER 6: ARGUING ABOUT HER SLEEPING WITH HIS BEST FRIEND

Tamara was in the kitchen cooking shrimp pasta and Roman walked into the house. He closed and locked the door behind him and went into the kitchen. Tamara put some more black pepper seasoning into the pasta and started mixing all of the ingredients together.

"I need to talk to you."

"About what?"

"It's about you and my best friend. I heard that you've slept with him."

She cut off the stove and looked at him.

"I didn't wanna sleep with him. I thought it was you, Rome. I had my glasses off and the way he put my legs across his, it had me thinkin' that it was you."

"Bullshit, why don't you just admit it, Tamara? You knew who you were fuckin' and you planned it!"

"I didn't plan anything and this happened before we even got together, I swear!"

"Why don't you just say that you were vulnerable to him? That's what you were."

"Roman, I'm tellin' you the truth."

"Everybody's tellin' me the same thing that he's sayin'."

"And you believed them over me? Roman, I was blind and I couldn't see anything. I can't believe this."

"Rick was like a brother to me and I don't fuck or go out with his leftovers."

"So, what, now, huh? We're just gonna break up because of this, because of what you heard about me and your best friend, Roman?"

"After everything I've heard about you, I don't feel the same way you feel about me, and I don't trust you anymore."

"Very well, then. Enjoy your dinner."

She walked away from him and tears rolled down her cheeks. Around 8:30 p.m., it was raining and storming outside. Roman was sitting in the living room on the sofa watching the game and Tamara was upstairs in his master bedroom packing up all of her clothes.

She looked out at the window and saw all the bad weather. She zipped up her rainbow animal printed suitcase and took it off his bed. She went downstairs and watched him from the sofa. She walked towards the door and unlocked it. She opened the door and locked it.

She stepped outside and closed the door behind her slowly. He kept his eyes on the TV and Tamara walked out in the bad weather. She began to get soaking wet and she caught a taxi cab.

A month went by and Roman hasn't heard from Tamara in a while. He sent her text messages on her phone, calling her cellphone, and sending her messages over Facebook.

CHAPTER 7: ROMAN FINDS TAMARA AT HER JOB

Tamara looked down at her cellphone and saw the missed calls and text messages from Roman. She put her phone back in her pocket and continued to take orders from her customers.

"I'll be right back with your soup, sir."

"Uh, miss, can I get some more Pepsi?"

"Bob, come on, you know, who I am. I'll be right back with it."

"There's a lotta customers to keep up with, today, T."

"Yeah, tell me about it, Lyssa."

"So, how's it goin' with your new boy toy?"

Tamara walked towards Bob's table and poured half a pitcher of Pepsi into his glass cup.

"Thank you."

"No problem, anything else I can do for the rest of you? Some more refills for your drinks or any complaints about the food? No, okay, enjoy your day."

"You didn't answer my question, Tam."

"We're goin' through a rough time, right now. He found out that I screwed his best friend before I even met him. We got into an argument about it, a month ago, and I felt like he wanted to break up with me. So, I moved out of his house and moved back into mine."

"And he's angry at you and his best friend because his friend screwed the person that he liked?"

"Yes, and now, he's been callin' me, textin' me, and sendin' me messages on Facebook. I haven't responded back not even once because I think that he still needs some time to cool down."

"Well, he still wants to be with you and he still loves you. Call him back and talk to him. Otherwise, he's gonna find you, and wanna know why you haven't been answerin' him at all."

"No, I'm not ready to face him, yet."

"Huh, well, you better because he's here, right now."

Roman had walked inside Red Lobster and a waitress escorted him to a table. He sat down and watched Tamara's every move. The waitress walked towards Tamara and tapped her on the shoulder. Tamara turned around and looked at her. The waitress whispered in her ear and she looked at Roman. She looked at the waitress again.

"I can't just abandon my other customers, now, you know that."

"I know that, but now, you've gotta new customer. I can take it from here, go on."

Tamara walked towards Roman and got in front of him.

"What can I get for you, sir?"

"I didn't come here to eat. I came here to take you home."

"Roman, I don't have time to talk. I've got work to do."

"Why haven't you responded to my calls or my messages?"

"You still need time to cool off. You're gettin' pissed off at somethin' that happened before I even met you let alone goin' out with you."

"So, you just leave in the middle of a lightnin' storm?"

"Well, what was I supposed to do? Stay in the room, until, you got done watchin' the game? Sleep on the sofa once you came upstairs to the room to go to sleep? Well, that's not me, okay? I've gotta get back to work."

Two hours later, Tamara walked out of Red Lobster and Roman was standing beside his car. She started walking and he followed her. He got beside her and grabbed her arms. She looked at him and he started kissing her. She held onto his arms and he backed her against the wall.

A few minutes later, they were in his bed naked and he was on top of her. His long, thick, muscular dick was pounding in and out of her clit while she was clawing his arms and he was kissing her.

"Ah! Stop it, please. I hate you."

"No, you don't mean that, you love me."

He held onto her leg and she started hitting him. He put his hands on her throat and panted heavily. She started clawing his back and he held her head in his hand. She laid her head on his shoulder and held onto him. She had a painful mixed with pleasure look on her face and her makeup was messed up along with her hair.

He came inside of her and they held onto each other. She put her hand on his chest and looked down at his stomach. He looked down at her and she started crying. He gave her a long, passionate kiss and wiped her tears away.

"Don't make me regret this."

"I won't."

CHAPTER 8: TALKING ABOUT KIDS AND HAVING A FAMILY

Tamara walked into the bathroom and Roman followed her. He got behind her and held onto her from behind. She moaned and he started kissing her. She turned around and held onto him.

"You scared me."

She turned on more hot water than cold water, and then, she turned the shower on. She got in the tub and he got in after her. He pulled the shower curtains closed and he started kissing her. He picked her up and they held onto each other. They panted heavily and put their foreheads against each other.

"I wanna have kids."

"But you've already got two, Rome, isn't that enough for you?"

"I want more than just two kids because I'm with you, now. I wanna start a family with you, Tamara."

"I'm a little scared about all of this."

"I'm gonna be right here with you along the way, I promise."

"What would you name your son if you have another one?"

"Jeremiah and what about you? What if you had a daughter of your own, what would you name her?"

"I've got so many names that I would name for my daughter. I would name her Jaylynn, Jayvynn, Viktoriya, Glafira, Faina, Amara, Tatia, or Anya. That's just some of the names that I thought up. Some of the names mean somethin', and I want my daughter's name to mean somethin' when I call her, and whenever everybody else calls her."

"How many babies do you want?"

"Two and I want'em to be identical twin girls."

"No boys?"

"Well, if I can endure the pain with my firstborns, then, we can do the boys, afterward."

"How about I'll name the boys and you name the girls?"

"Fair enough, and if you want, we can have as many kids as I can reproduce."

"Good, we're gonna need some more rooms in this house."

"I've never met a man who loved me past my imperfections, big ass, and big boobs. You're a good man, Roman."

"And you're a good woman, Tamara."

He gave her a 30-minute passionate kiss and their bodies were pressed against each other tightly.

"Your lips are so soft like silk pillows."

"Is that why you love kissin' me?"

"Yes, and plus, you're very truthful."

He went back to kissing her and they started bathing and washing each other off.

CHAPTER 9: THE ULTIMATE BREAK-UP

Three weeks went by and Tamara's curiosity got the best of her. She started digging through Roman's past, asking all of his exes questions about his past relationships with them, and accusing him of cheating on her every time he wouldn't answer her phone calls or text messages.

Roman walked into his house and saw Tamara sitting on the sofa waiting for him with her arms folded and her right leg on top of her left leg.

"Where were you?"

"You know, where I was, I was at work, and what's with all these phone calls, and text messages? I know what you've been doin'. Tisha, Shandra, Charity, Teyonka, Sierra, Tiara, Erica, and Shaniece was blowin' up my Facebook page sendin' me messages about how you was textin' them, and askin' them about MY past relationships with them. What happened in my past relationships stays in my past relationships. It doesn't concern you and it's none of your business. I told you that if you keep bringin' up things from the past, it's just gonna make things worse."

Tamara got up and got in front of him.

"Look, I--."

"After all the shit that you've pulled, I gave you a second chance, and now, I regret it. I thought you were different from all those other women that I went out with, but now, I see that you're exactly the same. You keep hurtin' me, and hurtin' me, and hurtin' me, until, my heart can't take it. You want me to suffer and I've already told you that I've been hurt one too many times. I'm havin' a hard time trustin' women as it is and you were supposed to be a better girlfriend, Tamara. You weren't supposed to be like the others but you are. I regret that I met you, I regret that I loved you, and I regret fuckin' you. I don't ever wanna see you or speak to you ever again. Goodbye, Tamara."

"Roman, please, I--."

"I said goodbye, Tamara!"

She wiped the tears away from her face and walked out of the house without her clothes. She put her back against the door and started crying uncontrollably. She walked all the way home and she opened the door to her and Elyssa's house.

"Oh my God, Tamara?"

Tamara closed and locked the door behind her. She looked at Elyssa and the dams burst.

"Lyssa, please, don't tell me you told me so, please."

They held each other and Tamara started crying uncontrollably again.

I've realized what I've done and I can't undo it. I'm lettin' a good man get away from me and I don't want that to happen. What am I supposed to do, now? I've stepped out of bounds, now, and I can't go back. I left all my clothes over there at his house. He might just burn them but I don't care. At least, he can release his anger out on somethin'. God gave me a good man and I took advantage of him.

I thought he was out there cheatin' on me because he wasn't answerin' my phone calls or text messages, but instead, he wasn't. I was smotherin' him too damn much and I wasn't lettin' him breathe. I was wrong and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Roman.

CHAPTER 10: TAMARA IN DEEP DEPRESSION

Days, weeks, and two months went by. Tamara was two months pregnant with Roman's babies and she was laying down in her bed looking out the window. She didn't even know that she was pregnant and she began to throw up in the trashcan beside her bed. Elyssa walked towards Tamara's room and knocked on the door.

"Tamara, Tamara, our boss is on the phone for you. He wants to talk to you about work. Tamara, please, open the door. Are you okay in there?"

She heard Tamara in the room vomiting into the trashcan and coughing. Tamara got up from her bed and put the back of her hand against her mouth. She went into her bathroom and looked at herself in the mirror. Her face was pale and sickly.

"God, kill me, now, please. I'm sufferin' and I need you to end it, please. Please, help me, Lord. Help me fix my relationship with Roman. Please, make it all better. I'll do anything if you'll just make it all better, PLEASE," Tamara said crying and sitting on the bathroom floor.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Thomas, but she can't come to the phone, right now. I can deliver the message to her or you can just call back later, okay, bye, now."

Elyssa hung up the phone and looked at Tamara's room door. She walked away and Tamara laid down on the bathroom floor.

I felt miserable like I was enterin' the 13th chapter of Hell and I was sufferin'. The babies weren't helpin' me at all and I was goin' through this alone. Roman doesn't even know that he's going to be the father of identical twin girls. I know what Elyssa and my boss is doin', and they mean well, but it's not gonna help me any at all.

I hope that I die and my babies will live. Elyssa can tell Roman that the babies are his, he can take a paternity test, and help Elyssa take care of them or he can take care of them by himself. Elyssa's gonna be the Godmother of my daughters, and if I die before I have them, at least, they'll know who their mother is. I feel like that's what Roman would want.

Day 62. Elyssa was at Wal-Mart looking at baby clothes and Roman saw her. He walked towards her and tapped her on her shoulder. She turned around and looked at him.

"Elyssa?"

"Roman, hey, how are you?"

"I'm okay, I'm movin' on with my life, and focusin' on what I need to do with my life. No more relationships here. How're you doin'?"

"I'm a little helpless at the moment, but all things aside, I'm good. I've been trying to take care of my best friend but she's not lettin' me help her at all."

"I know that it's none of my business, and I'm just curious, but what're you doin' in the baby clothes' section?"

"My friend is preggo that means she's pregnant and I'm out here lookin' for some baby clothes for her newborn identical twin girls. I'm startin' to worry about her, though."

"Why, I mean, she's gotta be eatin' right, exercisin', and takin' care of herself, and those little lives growin' inside of her, right?"

"Roman, my friend is Tamara, and those little lives that are growin' inside of her is your babies. She's not doin' good at all. She hasn't stepped out of her room in two months, she hasn't seen the light of day, let alone the light of a TV, she hasn't eaten in two months nor has she done any of those pregnancy exercises, and she's a wreck. She hasn't worked at all and the boss has put her on maternity leave because of her pregnancy. He's payin' her, even though, she's not workin' at all. She's in deep depression mode and I can't get her out of it because her room door's always locked."

"And where do I come in?"

"You can't possibly be this messed up and still upset about what she did. I'm not taking any sides here, but what Tamara did was hella wrong, and she admits to it. If you don't believe me, here's the proof of what she said."

She thrust the tape recorder into his hand and he put it in his pocket.

"Nothing's gonna change my decision on gettin' back with her, Elyssa."

"You still have a heart, Roman. I know you do, and I know that you've been hurting a lot, but Tamara needs you, right now, and so does your unborn babies. Tamara took on her pain, and then, she added yours to the mix. It's been killin' her every day, now, and all she wants is for you to stop it. Roman, if you don't end it, and trust me, it won't end so good. Have a nice life, Roman."

Elyssa walked away and went home. She fixed Tamara something to eat and put it on a tray. She sat it down in front of Tamara's room door and knocked on the door.

"Tamara, you need to eat somethin'. I've gotta tray of food waitin' for you outside your door.:

She walked away from the door and went back downstairs.

Tamara was pregnant with quadruplets. After her ultimate breakup with Roman, her friend, Elyssa gave her an inspiration to put all of her pain into her stories. During Tamara’s third trimester of her pregnancy, Tamara became a bestselling author with her first book titled, First Love, chronicling around her relationship with Roman, and the events that led to her untimely death. Roman realized that the mother of his beautiful identical baby daughters was the right one for her after all. Tamara’s daughters blossomed into beautiful, intelligent, and witty young ladies while becoming successful in their lives. Roman remained single, until, the day he died.