Finding self-love at 25

Speaking about self-love doesn't come very easy to me, for someone who has always overanalysed everything, doubted herself, been hateful towards her body and given up when something got tough, it makes me feel like writing this is hypocritical.

The truth is over the past seven years, I've been on one hell of a journey. The more I reflect on those years the more I realise that every tiny inconvenience, every painful memory and every heartbreak has led me to where and who I am now. Don't get me wrong, I still have no idea what I'm doing with my life, yet I am the happiest that I have ever been.

Although things for me are slowly falling into place there are a few things I wish somebody had told me sooner which I'm going to share with you now.

1. Stop Partying

When I first turned Eighteen I remember being excited that I could finally go out to experience night clubbing and drinking, it was the time in my life when I seemed to have the highest amount of friends; I even met a few new ones on nights out. To me having more friends meant I was more liked, I was definitely becoming a people pleaser. Only the more nights out I had with these individuals the more I seemed to be at the core of the drama.

Even if I hadn't done anything wrong when you have big groups of 'friends' it's like a neverending game of Chinese whispers. The more nights out you are on, the more likely you are to be targeted by one of your so-called friends. It took me a few years to realise this though.

For some people, they have a couple of years partying and then they stop, for others none at all but in my case, it became a religion. It got to the point where not only was I out every weekend but I continued the party midweek spending most of my time in the pub. It wasn't until a few years ago I stopped going out clubbing, It was one of the best decisions that I have ever made. It was like when I left the pub the drama that had been holding me back no longer had it's ugly hands around me.

Please don't get me wrong, this lesson doesn't mean never going drinking with your friends; more just be careful who you surround yourself with. This brings me to point number two!

2. Cut out bad friends!

This is something I wish I knew sooner, I have spent TOO MUCH in my life trying to support and care for friends that wouldn't put in the same effort back for me. I would be at their beck and call day and night, I was always the friend that would sit up with someone until 3 am when I had work at six, yet when something went wrong for me they wouldn't even answer their phone.

Every year since I was Eighteen I seem to filter out more and more friends because as time goes on people's true colours start to shine. I used to worry about losing people but in fact the few friends I have now do more for me than the Twenty friends in total that I once thought I had.

My advice is to go and really reflect on who is in your life and who needs to stay in your life, what energy they give off and if they would be willing to help you the same way you would help them.

A phrase you always hear is "Quality over quantity" and never has that been more true, than now.

3. Don't settle for less

Number three is the most crucial point- Never settle for less just because it's in front of you. Chances are you are going to fall in love a few times; unless of course, you are extremely lucky and meet your soulmate early on.

When you're falling in love it's hard not to develop a blind spot because naturally, you want to believe that this is your forever person. Sometimes it takes something really big to change the way you see things and sometimes it is just a hankering feeling inside your gut. I have wasted years of my life believing the bad relationships I was in, were all I deserved; In spite of that I was so wrong, you deserve the world and you don't need to put up with negative people to get it.

My first actual love was an older man that used me for four years, he kept promising me things that never came true, I was never his first option and the thousands of 'I love you' meant nothing to him. He would go back to his home where I was just a secret... A young and immature me decided that this was love, if he said "I love you" he must have meant it. Maybe it was my complete lack of confidence, my self-doubt or the feeling of needing to be loved but I let it happen. That wasn't the first time I let myself down, It wouldn't be the last either.

Love isn't something you just become good at overnight though, I trust you have to learn how to love and you have to learn how to be loved. I am a firm believer in fate because if I hadn't left that relationship when I did I wouldn't be where I am today. It took a lot of feeling alone but I'm now with someone who prioritizes me and makes me feel completely whole, someone that say's "I love you" and means it. I now know what it feels like to be loved.

Not settling for less isn't just about your love life, take this and apply it to your career for example; you spend most of your life at work and you're expected to care about your company but do they care about you?

4. Don't look for love - It comes to you

It is only human to want to feel loved but I found the more I looked for it the harder it was to find, those years where I felt sad and alone could have been used for being productive and making core memories, or even getting a better education or career. It's ironic that the person I ended up with, was right in front of me the whole time.

5. Don't listen to everyone's comments

Everyone is entitled to an opinion (it doesn't necessarily mean it is a good one). Words hurt and the amount of time worrying about it isn't great either. Unfortunately, there will always be people with no good intentions. I personally still struggle with this one but you have to keep reminding yourself that you are not here to make everyone happy. If we continue to listen, it will rip away our self-esteem and the confidence that we work so hard to build, this again is why it is so important to surround yourself with the right people.

Finding self-love isn't just about your body, It's about the situations you put yourself through too. It's my opinion we have to keep finding new ways to love ourselves and you will never really stop learning about it. All you can do is try and make your life better, for YOU and nobody else.