Fighting for Our Lives

When you go to that far-off place

That bends reality and warps time,

I'll be right here.


When the words are there,

But just won't come,

I'll help you find them.


When you drift, I'll be your tether,

Secure, grounded, and ready

To bring you home.


We are stronger than this affliction, together.


This story is part explanation, part dedication, and a very large part warning.


As it happens, my last story published was written after a month of silence on Vocal, with a note that I'd be getting back into the swing of things. Shortly after that, things went haywire in a big way and I've been “off the circuit” for another month.


As my friends here on the platform know, my wife, Pam, is my anchor. That hasn't changed, but circumstances have turned the tables somewhat, which is where the opening lines of this story come into play.


On the afternoon of the third day of last month, a stark lack of focus and some confusion on Pam's part prompted me to take her to the emergency room, against her wishes. She had a minor stroke a few years ago and it produced similar symptoms, so I wasn't about to take any chances.


I'm sure I don't have to explain the stress induced by waiting for hours in an ER unit, while your spouse is on various IV fluids and test results take forever. There were other stressors, but this isn't about that.


Suffice it to say that we finally returned home at 5AM the next day, with the following diagnoses: The “bug going around” infection was ruled out. A CT scan showed no sign of a stroke. Good news on both counts. The bad news? Her blood pressure and blood sugar were both dangerously high.


Hypertension tends to accompany spending the night in a unit like the one we were in, so that was at least somewhat expected. Hyperglycemia was an unpleasant surprise. It's something we're both acutely aware of, since Pam's mother had a long bout with it a few years ago. Diabetes does run in the family.


There wasn't a firm diagnosis of diabetes at the time, though they did administer insulin. We came home with all of the numbers in the discharge papers, a prescription, and orders to get Pam in to see our primary care provider. That appointment would be 10 days down the road, simply because our PCP, a nurse practitioner whom we both love, was overwhelmed with appointments.


After another round of lab tests, her condition was confirmed and a regimen of prescriptions was ordered. That leads to where we are today, and the promises made at the top of this piece.


Here's what I'd like readers to know: Hyperglycemia messes with thought processes. It can cause selective memory loss and often makes the patient argumentative, perhaps even combative. There were several 4AM wake-ups with her getting dressed “to go outside” and an instance while cooking breakfast together when she asked when here sisters were going to be arriving to eat with us. (The sisters live in Portland/Vancouver.)


Imagine what that all of this means for the person responsible for restricting the person's diet and monitoring blood sugar. Fortunately, Pam is very capable and willing where the testing is concerned. The dietary changes often take a lot more convincing.


There's no loss of attachment. Pam is still very affectionate and I'm incredibly grateful for that. There was one instance where she mentioned that we weren't actually married, but a quiet conversation about the wedding in our park in the redwoods got us through that. We spend our days side by side, and she's beside me as I write this, playing games on her phone. Those have become something of a grounding mechanism, although it's no fun when she decides to play until 2AM.


So, here we are, getting through it, one day at a time. We “signed up” for life and we'll both make the necessary efforts. Things are improving, but occasional memory lapses still occur. We work through them.


I want to emphasize that I'm not writing this for any credit. I'm not doing anything she wouldn't do for me if the roles were reversed.


I'm hoping that some who read this might find some insight about the possible effects of something as simple as sugar intake. I haven't even delved into the worst possible effects, like blindness and nerve damage. Please, don't ignore the signs.

I'm also hoping this might help explain why I've been AWOL on Vocal again. With some continued luck, this will be just the start of more stories. After all, we have a major move on the very near horizon and there will be much, much more to write about!

Thanks for taking the time to read, and thank you all for your inspiration!