Falling in Love

Love is often described using various emotional terms such as heartwarming, heart-wrenching, and heartbreaking. But what role does the brain play in all of this? It turns out, quite a lot. The entire journey from the initial spark of love to the eventual tears is orchestrated by a complex interplay of neurochemicals and brain systems.

When you start falling for someone, you might notice yourself daydreaming about them excessively and wanting to spend more and more time together. Psychologists refer to this stage as infatuation or passionate love. It's a phase where the new relationship feels almost intoxicating, and there's actually a scientific explanation for that. Infatuated individuals experience increased activity in a brain region called the ventral tegmental area (VTA), which is responsible for reward-processing and motivation. This region fires up when we engage in pleasurable activities like eating something sweet or taking drugs. The activation of the VTA releases dopamine, a neurotransmitter that makes us feel good and reinforces certain behaviors. This heightened VTA activity is what makes love not only euphoric but also draws us closer to our new partner.

During this initial stage of love, it can be challenging to see any flaws in your partner. This is because love influences higher cortical brain regions, leading to decreased activity in the prefrontal cortex, the cognitive center of the brain. The prefrontal cortex is responsible for critical thinking and judgment, so it's not surprising that we tend to view new relationships through rose-colored glasses. Although the infatuation stage of love can be intense and filled with emotional highs and lows, it typically lasts only a few months. It then transitions into a more enduring stage known as attachment or compassionate love.

As the relationship develops, you may feel more relaxed and committed to your partner, and this is partly due to the influence of two hormones: oxytocin and vasopressin. These hormones, often referred to as pair-bonding hormones, promote feelings of trust, social support, and attachment. They play a similar role in bonding families and friendships as well. Additionally, oxytocin can reduce the release of stress hormones, which explains why spending time with a loved one can feel so calming.

As the initial infatuation fades and the judgmental haze lifts, you may start to notice problems in your relationship. Whether a relationship ends or not, the pain associated with heartbreak can be attributed to the brain. The distress of a breakup activates a brain region called the insular cortex, which processes pain both physical and social. In the aftermath of a breakup, you may find yourself daydreaming about your lost partner or craving contact with them, similar to extreme hunger or thirst. Looking at photos of a former partner can reignite these feelings, as heartbroken individuals exhibit increased activity in the VTA, the center responsible for motivation and reward. This emotional whirlwind also activates the body's stress response system, leaving you feeling shaken and restless.

Over time, higher cortical regions responsible for reasoning and impulse control can help alleviate this distress and craving. However, given that these regions are still developing during adolescence, the pain of a first heartbreak can feel particularly agonizing. Engaging in activities like exercise, spending time with friends, or listening to your favorite songs can help soothe the stress response associated with heartbreak. These activities can also trigger the release of dopamine, the feel-good neurotransmitter. With time and support, most individuals can heal and learn from even the most devastating heartbreak.