Fairytale Reality

Once upon a time there was a girl and a boy who fell in love, and every time they kissed there were fireworks ablaze in the air. She was the one with the glass slipper to his missing one, every moment spent together was magical, and they lived happily ever after.

Sound familiar? How about this one.

Once upon a time there was a girl who grew into a beautiful young woman who was full of grand ideas and dreams. She knew exactly who she was and what she wanted, and because her dreams were just so magnificent, the Universe granted them to her one by one. She went on to be a successful and accomplished woman, and lived happily every after.

Doesn’t this sound like the narrative we often tell ourselves when envisioning how we want our future life to be?

Let’s hear one more familiar tale.

Once upon a time there was a young woman about to enter her twenties. She was independent and in complete control of her life, successfully building the career of her dreams with a clear sense of direction and purpose. She found herself in a relationship that seemed to be taken straight out of the movies, she gave amazing support to her friends and never failed to take her own advice. She woke up early every morning with drive and passion, and went to bed every night feeling accomplished. In short, her life was all she could dream of, and of course, she went on to live happily every after.

This tale may not sound quite as familiar to you, and that’s because its the one I tell myself over and over, my own personal fairytale on repeat.

Just over a week ago I found myself on top of the hill near Crescent Heights overlooking downtown, watching the Stampede fireworks explode in bursts of colour against the night sky. I and my boyfriend had taken my sister to go see them, and we all watched in amazement wishing we had brought a camera.

Looking up at the magnificent colours, my romantic mind began to day dream, imaging every movie I had ever seen where everything is perfect and beautiful in the end and the main love interests kiss under a sky of fireworks. How picture perfect. If only I could just make that happen tonight...

Wait a minute, what? That’s when it hit me just how incredibly unrealistic, shallow, and in fact detrimental my day dreaming was. I realized then that I had been comparing a perfectly beautiful moment to a fairytale that only existed in my head, causing myself to feel disappointed because of it. Following this fairytale, I realized it extended into the rest of my life as well. In fact, there seemed to always be a perfect picture to compare every single moment with and in turn, make me feel miserable.

In a perfect world I should have everything figured out. In reality, I don’t have a clue.

I like to think I’m independent, but in reality I’m still struggling to learn how to take care of myself for the simplest of things, such as getting my ass out of bed to go make food.

I find myself wishing I was beginning the career of my dreams or even knew what that was, but in reality, I’m struggling to find what my passions are, let alone how to make a living out of them.

My friends tell me I give amazing advice, and I smile while feeling guilty for the million and one times I have done the complete opposite of what I’ve advised in my own life.

Indeed I am in a loving relationship with a person I would do anything for, however as is reality, there are ups and downs, its not always sunshine and rainbows, and too often I find myself trying to force that fairytale picture of the kiss under the fireworks.

Soon after this realization I wrote in my journal,

“Tell me Rachel, why on earth would you intentionally choose to miss out on the contented happiness of the present moment for an imagined version that is only every realized in your head?”

Perhaps consider for a moment that present reality in all its ups and downs, dark and light, good and bad, is the “fairytale”. Perhaps imperfection is the very thing that makes moments perfect. Maybe the fact that the two characters aren’t kissing under the fireworks is the very thing that’s so beautiful, because in the end they support and love each other unconditionally. To simply know that the other is there experiencing this life with them is all they really need.

What if its the journey through the ups and downs of life that makes it beautiful, and pushing through and learning from it all is what defines one as successful? What if the young girl who grew into a beautiful woman with grand ideas and dreams won’t have them magically granted to her by the Universe? What if she has to work hard for them, be told she can’t over and over by others as well as herself, fail and start over again a million times, hit rock bottom and her lowest point, all before she reaches where she wants to be? What if the pain of this process is what makes it perfect, what makes it grand, what makes the “fairytale” a reality?

That evening I went to bed feeling much lighter. Why? I had decided to drop the comparisons, to forget the romantic movie endings, to let go of the “firework moments”. Yes the fireworks are beautiful, and yes sometimes life can be just like that. However the imperfection of every day reality is something much more beautiful for the simple reason that it is real, and to be honest with you, I’d rather reality. I’d rather know that whatever life throws at me, I’ll accept and grow with it. I’d rather know that even when the shoe doesn’t fit, I’ll still have the support and love of the one closest to me.

That night I fell asleep, dreaming of my fairytale reality.