Don’t Think, Just Jump

I stand, hands sweating, back pressed against the metal rail, knuckles white with tension and fear as I contemplate what needs to be done. I am out of options. My eyes fill with liquid torment as the river rages below. I suck in a ragged breath and try to shake the anxiety. I have to do this. I just have to. I close my eyes to concentrate.

—Everything he has ever worked for is in that book.—-

Breathe. This is what I deserve. I need this. I tune out the world around me and try to take a few deep breaths.

My family wouldn’t want this. They would never expect this from me. I shake the thought from my mind. I have to do this. This is my chance to help them!

It’s not just the money. Who am I kidding, yes it is. I know money won’t solve all problems, but it could solve ours. Well, theirs at least, I shrugged. A tear finds its way down my cheek at the thought. They’ll miss me if I...

—Stop thinking! Just do it. I’m already here, I’m already committed. Just. Do. It.

Just last week I was sitting at my cubicle in the bank. I never amounted to much, but I was a loyal employee. I didn’t win any awards or catch the attention of upper management, but my customers always appreciated my calm and upbeat demeanor.

I wasn’t much of a salesman. Sales didn’t feel right to me, especially in the bank. People just wanted to take care of business and go about their days. I hated to burden them with the sales pitches for every new money-making gimmick the corporate office came up with, so I rarely brought them up. Instead, I quickly and efficiently wrapped up their transactions and sent them scurrying about their days. My customers loved me. My boss(es) not so much.

“Sales!! You were hired for Sales!! Every customer who walks through our doors has an undiscovered financial need, and it’s literally YOUR JOB to find it!!”

Ugh. I hate my job. I wished desperately to move into something more tolerable... like maybe .. auditing.

I was used to this. Every week was the same. “Get your sales up, or we’ll have to let you go!”

I’ve been here 5 years. I don’t honestly believe they’ll fire me anymore, but the stress has been building for years. Why do I still work here?!

—-Breathe. I find the sound of the rushing water oddly soothing. The mist rising from the swooshing water has now all but covered my glasses.

Why is this so hard? One really big adventure, and I’d never have to go back to that cubicle! I just need ONE second of crazy bravery!

My knees feel like they’ll buckle under the immense tension, and they start to shake.

I have to do this. I open my eyes and try to scope out my landing through my dripping wet lenses. I see the top of a rock jutting out of the rushing rapids.

“Twenty thousand dollars” I slowly start to repeat aloud. “Twenty thousand dollars!”

Another deep breath. I’ll just count to three and make the leap! I’m sure I can do it!

“Steady...”

I dont talk much about my personal life with my coworkers, but they know my family is everything to me! They’ll know where to send the money. Even if I don’t make it, my family will be out of the shelter!

I don’t know where they would be today I’d the shelter hadn’t taken us in! After the fire took our house, all we had left were the clothes on our backs. None of our keepsakes, pictures, or favorite blankies. Not even grandma’s cookbook made it out.

—I often relive that terrible night, sad for all of the things we lost, but beyond thankful that all three of my babies made it out alive.

The next day we had found the shelter and checked ourselves in, thankful for the temporary shelter. We vowed to never stop pushing until we were back on our feet again.

—-I could feel the cool air pulling me back to reality. How could this have happened? Waves of guilt washed over me. I need to fix this. Letting go now is my only chance!

The roar of the water below, the shaking of my legs, the throbbing of my hands, the tears on my face... the money echoing in my mind.

I whisper to myself. “Three, Two, One... JUMP!!”

I hurl myself with all my might off the window ledge. I can’t believe I’ve done it! I feel a sudden surge of adrenaline and euphoria! I’m in the air for what feels like several minutes as everything around me stops.

I had come to this appointment with more than a few reservations. I’d never met the CEO before, and still don’t quite understand how I had managed to land this interview.

I was so full of doubt when I rushed out of the shelter this morning that I had kissed my kids on the heads and sent them off to school without a second thought. What if they never saw me again?

Sudden regret washed over me. I’m flying through the air with only one thought filling my soul... “Don’t die. Please. Don’t. Die.”

I keep my eye fixed exactly on that one dry rock jutting out of the water. I flail my arms and legs as if running on air, willing myself to make it that far! If I could just make it there, this could all be over and I could go back and kiss my kids’ sweet faces again!

I let out a guttural scream as I reach out intently for the dry rock.

Suddenly I drop out of the sky and feel the sting of victory. I’ve made it! I’m on the rock!!

But ouch. That really hurt!

Instantly I remember my mission.

The Book.

—I had walked into my CEO’s office for my interview just in time to see his 7 year old son grab a black Moleskine notebook off the shelf behind his dad’s desk. The same infamous notebook everyone in the company instantly recognized. It held all of his hopes and dreams for his future that he had written in college. He had filled it with countless business contacts and important phone numbers. Everything that had landed him in the successful path that lead to his CEO position.

His son cried and pleaded for his father’s attention. “Dad, you PROMISED!! —-It’s my BIRTHDAY! —-You’re not supposed to WORK today!!”

As he belted out his cry for attention, he flung his dad’s prized little black notebook right out the window, right over the rod iron rail, and sent it plummeting into the scenic river scene his dad so proudly enjoyed.

A quarter of a second later his assistant bolted from his desk and hurled himself down the stairs toward the door to make his way to the river’s edge to save the prized notebook for our boss.

My CEO then turned to ME, desperately gripping his cane with one hand, and his son with the other, and pleaded that I help!

“Please! I’ll give you $20,000 if you’ll try to save that notebook! —He’ll never get there in time, you’ve got to jump!”

Without a second thought, I had thrown off my shoes and barreled over the edge of the rail, only pausing briefly to contemplate my reckless choice.

I had to try.

—My shin had somehow contacted the edge of the rock, which sent a jolt of pain up my leg... but I had managed to land the jump! Perhaps even more miraculously, I managed to grab the perilously perched notebook from the edge of the dry platform.

I couldn’t believe the cool mist hadn’t yet soaked the notebook. The leather cover was indeed covered with the mist, and the pages were damp, but the notebook had somehow survived it’s ordeal.

I looked up to see the boy cradled in his dad’s arms, both sobbing.

The notebook shifted in my hands, and inside I could see a picture. Curiosity took hold, and I let the notebook fall open to reveal a mother holding her brand-new baby, with my CEO beaming, embracing them both. I clutched the notebook tight against my body to shield it from the cloud of moisture.

After my seconds-long adventure, the fire department rescue seemed like nothing, and as I handed the precious notebook back to its grateful owner, he pulled me tightly into a hug. “This is my absolute most prized possession” he said as tears streamed down his cheeks.

It had started out as a list of important goals, contacts, and details of important business dealings. As he met and married his wife, however, and his priorities changed, he instead used the notebook for more personal notes. He jotted down her favorite flowers, and made notes about their dates. He kept track of all the small details that he loved about her. After his son was born, they lost her, and he placed the little black notebook on the shelf behind his desk, as a promise to her that he would always take care of what was important.

He then explained my situation to his son. I stood in awe as he recounted every detail of my ordeal. He explained why he wanted his son present for my interview, and congratulated me on a stellar 5 year run. I had never had a single customer complaint, yet I had a file folder full of customer reports of my efficient and friendly behavior on the job. More importantly, he explained to his son... I had never received less than a perfect score on any of my audits.

When he had heard of my family’s unfortunate accident, he had called my manager and requested that she set up the interview ASAP.

He then offered me a position within the auditing department, effective immediately. He joked,” While sales are obviously not your strong suit, you saved my precious notebook, and you absolutely earned this position!”

—-The $20,000 immediately went toward the down payment on our new home. With my new income, securing the loan was no problem at all... but with a personal recommendation from the CEO of the bank, I was sure to be approved!

I fully understood why that notebook had been worth $20,000 in that moment. His son didn’t yet know if it’s contents. He believed his father didn’t care, and simply wanted to be at work.

His son learned a valuable lesson that day... but so did I. When the chance comes, Don’t Think, Just Jump!