Don't Hide Vulnerability

The other day I was having a conversation with my sisters-in-law. We discussed mental health and suicide. I explained to one of them that despite someone having success in their life, that does not mean that they are not facing mental problems. I was completely shocked when celebrity tWitch (AKA: Stephen Boss), committed suicide. This was just a painful reminder that even when you have everything in life, you can still have anxiety or depression. When my sister-in-law asked if a close friend of mine committed suicide because of a man or her kids, I explained that she was a college student but that depression got the best of her; I wished for her to not have suicidal thoughts and continue her successful career. I recently messaged her mom and told her I wish she could still be here in this world. She told me this: "I think our society puts pressure on people to be successful instead of placing importance on kindness and love. It's a tough world." She is absolutely right because I am constantly told by my boyfriend and his sisters that I need to drive and that at my age I should already be an expert on driving. I just wish my boyfriend could be proud of me and realize that I have made so many accomplishments in my life. My sister-in-law then claimed that she has problems of her own and that she is still here. Just because she has been through so much, that does not mean she gets to judge suicidal people and call them weak are people who are senseless. Everyone handles situations differently, I told her. She told me that my boyfriend’s family is full of people who are not very emotional and rather more focused on being strong and not being vulnerable. While I think it is good to be strong emotionally, I also feel that there is nothing wrong with vulnerability.

I can never forget how my dad always chose my half-sister over me. If I put my half-sister through the same thing she put me through I just know my dad would be quick to snap at me. I just found it funny how my family members would tell me to get over things that happened in the past, but then expect me to understand that my sister hates me because of past incidents. Despite people being mean to me or making me feel worthless, I do not regret my vulnerability. It is true that people take advantage of people who are very open, but it is my opinion that vulnerability can also be seen as a strength. I am not ashamed of where I come from and I am not afraid to tell people about the mistakes I did because I learned from them.

I love having conversations with people who trust me to tell their stories where they did something they regret deeply because it shows me that they are owning up to their own actions and taking accountability for them. It has been said that being vulnerable leads to a broken heart, but you should not be ashamed because being honest about your feelings is better than pretending. I could be the type to say "it's none of your business," but honestly, people judge no matter what, you can be a loud person or a quiet person; it does not matter in the end. When I have a connection with someone, I cannot find it in my heart to be fake or pretend I am an angel. When I became very open to my friends about my past actions, they did not ignore me or make me feel like I have no value. Just because you make a mistake it does not mean you are not worthless. When it comes to vulnerability, if you decide to be open about your past and not hide anything, remember that you do not have to be on the ground for that. People can make mistakes or do things they regret but something I learned is that when you own up to a mistake, you will feel powerful. I never lied about my past because if I did it would mean I would consider myself the victim and that I am high above everyone else. If I never owned up to my mistakes, it would show that I can never be trustworthy. Being vulnerable means people may trust you.

I would never want to be in a relationship that consists of pride or arguments about who is right and who is wrong. I once told my boyfriend that it is okay to be upset but that being upset should not make us say things we do not mean. Even though I have my days of being upset with him, I always tell him I love him or how everything is going for him at work. I that being prideful can lead to relationships and friendships falling apart, and I wish that I would have known this right away when I and my best friend from high school stopped talking; this was because I commented on her photo that she looks funny with a filter from Snapchat and after that, we literally just stopped talking, and I feel that she expected me to come up to her first, but I was so selfish and only thought of myself. About two years later we messaged each other talking about what had been going on in our lives and wished each other the best.

Being vulnerable means being human. It is just so beautiful when people become honest with each other because that means there is no wall between them. It can be scary to reveal your true self, but if you are ever in a situation where you become open to someone and they start to shame you or judge you, do not let it get to you. Do not associate vulnerability with weakness. You are not a loser if you become vulnerable to someone and then later on they are talking bad about you just because you are no longer close to them. If my friendship were to end with my best friend for whatever reason, I would never talk about the things she said to me because I do not want to be a spiteful person. I just find it weird when someone tells you something shameful they did and you do not judge them, but as soon as you and that person are not close anymore you start to badmouth them. I have seen this happen on social media with couples; they would talk sweet about each other and then after they break up, they start to argue on their pages. There is no need for any of that.

Never regret your vulnerability because you will always receive compassion and love. When I told my boyfriend about my past, he said to me that he still wanted to be with me and that I am worth it. You can be vulnerable and happy. Being vulnerable allows you to have peace within yourself and it also means that you are willing to flourish in life because if you close your heart to others or deny your feelings or past, it means you are not willing to grow.

Brené Brown, a professor once said: “Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren't always comfortable, but they're never weakness.”