Don't Be Afraid of the Old

Age is a gift of the genes. Age is also a gift of luck. We all know folks who at 60 are old. They may look old, they can act old, they are old. The old were lucky to avoid accidents and fatal illnesses. Do you know elderly people? That word alone can make Gen X, Gen Z, and Millenials cringe.

People fear what they don't understand. Don't be afraid of the old.

The old are often smart, which likely helped them to become old. Surrounding themselves with caring family and friends, capable staffs at the workplace, colleagues from their book club or Pilates class, they build personal infrastructures that keeps them busy and keeps loneliness at bay. Maybe you don't know elderly people. I'd like to introduce you to some from my circle. They're examples of aging with activity, alacrity and grace.

At age 88, my dad Joe asked me to review his checkbook, banking and insurance paperwork with him. He was afraid of 'age-related cognitive decline.' I reviewed those things with him for a few years, and there was never an error in his calculations. He read his Clinical Laboratory, Science News, Consumer Reports, and various photography magazines cover-to-cover. He enjoyed The Big Bang Theory, the Tonight Show, and Turner Classic Movies. He was a handyman around the house, worked on his cars, and was semi-active in his WWII division. Another veteran in that group is now 99 and can recount his experiences like they happened yesterday. My dad stopped driving by choice at 90, but his children and grandchildren drove him to the gym and other places, like the Discovery Museum. He was planning to teach his grandkids how to put tire chains on the car on a Saturday, but he unexpectedly passed the day before at age 92.

At 80, my mother Catherine still played soccer and wiffleball in the yard with grandkids. She made friends with her younger neighbors, and her children's friends. At 92, she was still a safe driver, and she had her routine: weekly trips to the dollar store, her church, the bank, a thrift store to shuffle through the clothes for styles she liked, and the two-story Target store so she could climb the stairs a few times. She had an older brother, a younger sister, and one childhood friend still living, and she kept up with them through letters and rare phone calls. She also kept in contact with oodles of nieces and nephews. She read the daily newspaper in print, plus Reader's Digest, Discover and Science News magazines. She savored her medical journals and health newsletters; as a retired nurse, she was eager to keep up her knowledge. She enjoyed historical fiction, M*A*S*H and Quincy reruns. Catherine was fortunate, she was able to gather family caretakers to insure that she was able to stay at home after a cancer diagnosis.

During her last year, I filled five notebooks with her stories of growing up. She was sharp on details, such as 'my skirt had red roses and green leaves,' or 'Anne's bike was the only one with a basket on it,' and 'Bill started a job as a milkman and sometimes was able to borrow the delivery truck to take me to a dance.' She knew the names, events, details. The years? Other than her graduation years and family birthdays, years were fuzzy. When there are so many years in a productive life, being fuzzy on the years is inevitable.

The last time she voted, I read through the voters' guide with her, and we looked at candidates' websites. She knew what was going on, and garnered surprising insights. 'He likes to hike, I think he'll be an excellent candidate on climate change issues.' 'Singing in the church choir and two kids at home, that's a God-fearing family man who will have good values and ethics, that is lacking in so many politicians these days.' 'I don't like her statement. She's running unopposed, so I'm going to leave that one blank on my ballot.' How many people bother to read through the voters' guide and look at candidate websites? Who are the candidates, what have they done, and what are their platforms? Informed voting is critical.

Catherine passed at age 94. There were no signs of dementia, just a bit of age-related cognitive decline. For example, her grandkids thought it was funny that when she looked at a calendar from across the room, she mistook the photo of an elephant to be a bison. "It could go either way," she joked when they pointed out her mistake, which will forever remain a family joke.

Now for some elders who are not related to me. Mary Lou volunteered at a library for years after retirement. She learned to speak Italian, and went to Machu Picchu in her late 80s. At 90, she traveled to Iceland.

Sarah wakes at 5 a.m. to give the rescue dog a brisk walk, and the day ends with a longer walk around 9 p.m. In between that is a 40-hour work week, keeping up with children and grandchildren via social media, and other events with friends. She is a dynamo, and at age 82, is not stopping yet.

A colleague in the tech industry is now consulting. Jack worked into his 90s, including going into the office and flying cross-country to attend meetings. Now that he's over 100, and with the advances in online meetings and such, he prefers to stay home and Zoom. Jack is still sharp as a tack.

Age is a very individual, very personal thing. One can be old in mind, body, and spirit at a relatively young age. One can be young in mind, body, and spirit well into one's 90s.

No one likes to be stereotyped. No one likes to be assumed to be a lesser human due to gender, race, religion, or years of experience. To blindly say someone is too old to do a job can be an ignorant statement. You must consider the individual and remember that no two people are the same physically and mentally. It's the matter of experience that counts. We may not all be fortunate enough to become octogenarians, but we certainly can appreciate the active elders among us.